“Hi Diddle Riddle”/ “Smack in the Middle”
Written by Lorenzo Semple Jr.
Directed by Robert Butler
Season 1, Episodes 1 & 2
Production code 6028
Original air dates: January 12 & 13, 1966

The Bat-signal: We open at the Gotham City World’s Fair, specifically at the exhibit for the Republic of Moldavia, where the prime minister is holding a “friendship luncheon.” A cake is brought out, which is adorned with two figurines, one of a guy in a silly hat and overalls that is, I guess, supposed to symbolize Moldavia, shaking hands with Uncle Sam.

However, as the PM cuts into the cake, it explodes. It’s a small explosion, enough to ruin the cake (too bad, it looked yummy) and also shoot a message into the air, which then parachutes down. It’s a piece of paper with a riddle on it: “Why is an orange like a bell?”

The cops on the scene bring the riddle back to police headquarters, where Commissioner Gordon, Chief O’Hara, and a ton of other cops are all standing around with their thumbs in their ears. The prank indicates that the Riddler is back in town, and none of the gathered police think they can handle him. So Gordon goes to the red phone that will call Batman.

At Wayne Manor, Alfred gets the phone and says he’ll fetch Batman. In the sitting room, Bruce Wayne is speaking to a bunch of folks on the subject of helping fund anti-crime centers. He briefly laments that such places didn’t exist when his parents were killed by a criminal, but he’s interrupted by Alfred. After making excuses, he meets up with his ward, Dick Grayson, and they go to answer the phone. Upon being informed that the Riddler is at it again, he assures Gordon that he’ll meet him at police headquarters. He hangs up, pulls back Shakespeare’s head to reveal a dial that slides a bookcase aside to reveal a very clearly labelled pair of poles—one says “BRUCE,” the other says, “DICK,” and the wall behind says “ACCESS TO BAT-CAVE VIA BAT-POLES.” You gotta love the thoroughness.

By the time they’ve slid down to the Batcave, they’re in costume as Batman and Robin. They hop into the Batmobile and zoom off to Gotham City. They park in front of police headquarters and run inside.

Robin solves the riddle: they both must be peeled/pealed. (“What idiots we are!” says Chief O’Hara, and truer words…) Batman thinks Riddler’s target might be the Peale Art Gallery. And given that the cops couldn’t even figure out a stupid riddle, Batman advises that they sit this one out and let him and Robin handle it.

They drive to the gallery, parking at the back. Then a recording of the Riddler calls the Bat-phone in the Batmobile and asks Batman to riddle him this: there are three men in a boat with four cigarettes and no matches. How do they manage to smoke? (How Riddler got that number is left as a mystery.)

Unable to solve the riddle, they climb up the back wall to find the Riddler holding a gun to the head of Gideon Peale, the owner of the gallery, who’s handing him a cross. They burst through the window and put the Bat-cuffs on him for stealing the cross at gunpoint—at which point, two photographers show up, and Peale explains that the Riddler loaned the cross to the gallery for an exhibit, and the “gun” was a lighter. (Robin then figures out the riddle: throw one cigarette overboard, and it made the boat a cigarette lighter.)

The Riddler asks what it is that no man wants to have, yet no man wants to lose. Robin answers, “A lawsuit!” which is just what the Riddler is hitting Batman with. It’s a one-million-dollar lawsuit for assault, slander, and false arrest.

Bruce checks through his father’s law books, but can’t find anything useful. The Riddler has a case, and the suit will force Batman to reveal his true identity. Alfred reminds him how much the truth will devastate Dick’s aunt, Harriet Cooper. They go down to the Bat-cave and examine the legal documents the Riddler handed Batman, and they find two hidden messages: First, when is the time of a clock like the whistle of a train? (When it’s two to two.) Second, what has neither flesh, bone, nor nail but has four fingers and a thumb? (A glove.) Robin figures that it’s an address: 222 Glover Avenue, which is the address of a new discotheque called What a Way to Go-Go. Batman goes in alone (Robin is underage; he stays with the Batmobile), telling the maître-d that he’ll stay at the bar, as he doesn’t want to attract attention. (That ship, of course, has already sailed, as the entire bar is gawping at him.)

However, several of the staff are members of the Mole Hill Gang, whom the Riddler is using as his henchmen—as is Molly, a redhead who asks Batman to dance (after hitting him with a riddle of her own). Batman drinks his fresh-squeezed orange juice (which the Mole Hill Gang has spiked) and dances with her until he collapses. Robin runs to help him, but the Riddler hits him with a tranq dart before he can even get out of the Batmobile.

Luckily, Robin was smart enough to flip over the label that says “START BUTTON” over the label that says “ANTI-THEFT ACTIVATOR,” so when the Riddler tries to steal the Bat-mobile, the “start button” instead causes the exhaust pipes to shoot loud fireworks. Since he can’t steal the car, the Riddler settles for stealing the sidekick, as he, Molly, and the Mole Hill Gang take the unconscious Robin into the tunnels to their underground lair, where the Riddler puts Robin’s head in a vise and starts closing it slowly.

Batman is conscious, but still woozy from the mickeyed OJ, so he doesn’t notice the Bat-signal, and the cops (who take his keys away, as he’s in no condition to drive) think it’s better not to tell him, especially since he’s so busy lamenting the loss of Robin.

By morning, Batman has recovered, and he’s trying to locate Robin, to no avail. Down at the Mole Hill Gang hideout, we discover that the vise wasn’t to crush Robin’s head, but hold it still while the Riddler made a mold of it. He then wakes Robin up and tricks him into contacting Batman via Gordon to pose him two more riddles: What kind of pins are used in soup? (Terrapins.) What was Joan of Arc made of? (She was Maid of Orleans.) Batman figures out the clue: the old Turtle Mill on Orleans Cove. He hops into the Batmobile and drives off.

Molly has changed into a duplicate of Robin’s costume, and she’s used the mold to form a face mask. The Riddler gives her Robin’s belt, and then they head to Orleans Cove and activate the homing transmitter. Batman chases them down, disabling the Riddler’s car—but Riddler was expecting it, and he and Molly wore helmets. Molly lies on the ground pretending to be hurt as Robin while the Riddler runs off, and Batman takes her to the Batmobile.

Once in the Batcave, Molly reveals herself—but Batman knew it was her, as the breathing holes in the mold made the nostrils too big in the mask. Batman also used the hidden Bat-laser beam to burn off her revolver’s firing pin.

Molly panics and runs to the atomic pile that serves as the Batmobile’s nuclear power source. Batman tries to rescue her, but she falls into the reactor and is killed.

Batman goes to police HQ, where Gordon has a recording of the phone conversation between Batman and the Riddler from earlier. Batman and Gordon listen to it, along with O’Hara, and Batman hears subway trains in the background. Using the mobile crime computer, he figures out where the call came from (how is unclear), and heads to the subway station, using an explosive to gain ingress.

He almost captures the Riddler, but he manages to escape by cutting Batman off with bullet-proof glass. After Riddler and the Mole Hill Gang depart, Robin reassures him that he knows what the next caper will be, because he overheard the Riddler’s riddles for this one: how many sides does a circle have? (Two—inside and outside.) What President of the United States wore the biggest hat? (The one with the biggest head.) It means he’s going to rob the head office of the Gotham City National Bank. (Just go with it.)

However, the Riddler and the Mole Hill Gang are tunneling under the Moldavian exhibit at the World’s Fair. They pump laughing gas into the air vents, and then Riddler (wearing an elephant-shaped gas mask, because, why not?) goes up and tells awful jokes, which the PM and his guests only laugh at because of the gas, and then they fall unconscious.

The Mole Hill Gang join the Riddler, preparing to steal a mammoth made entirely of old postage stamps—but then Batman and Robin burst out of it, Batman having realized that Robin screwed up the riddles. (“A Trojan mammoth?” laments the Riddler.) Batman and Robin engage in fisticuffs with the Mole Hill Gang and the Riddler (with everyone still wearing gas masks, so it’s way easier to work in the stunt doubles), with the Dynamic Duo eventually being triumphant, though the Riddler gets away.

The lawsuit is dropped, as Riddler never appears in court. Bruce and Dick discuss the case, and while the Riddler did get away, Bruce is satisfied that they stopped an international incident by preventing the theft of the mammoth (though he never mentions the damage done to the artifact by Batman and Robin hiding inside it and then bursting out of it). However, he deeply regrets Molly’s death.

Fetch the Bat-shark-repellant! We get our first look at all the regular toys—the Batcave, the Batmobile (with its emergency Bat-turn-lever and Bat-ray projector and hidden Bat-laser beam), the Bat-phone (the one in Gordon’s office, the one in Wayne Manor, and the bat-shaped one in the Batmobile), the Bat-signal, and the Bat-a-rang so they can Bat-climb up the wall. We also get the Bat-laser gun that Batman uses to undo the cage over the window, the Bat-hook that he hangs it on, because Robin shouldn’t just drop the cage to the ground from that height (“Pedestrian safety!”), the Bat-scope (which Robin can use to spy on the discotheque in a manner that is probably illegal), the Batostat Anti-Fire Activator, the Bat-gauge, and of course the Bat-cuffs.

Holy #@!%$, Batman! When Bruce asks Dick if he wants to go “fishing,” Dick says, “Holy barracuda!” When the Riddler reveals that his gun is a lighter, Robin cries, “Holy ashtray!” And when Batman blasts his way into the Riddler’s hideout, Robin yells, rather boringly, “Holy smoke!” but when Riddler seals them in with bullet-proof glass, he cries, “Holy showcase!”

Gotham City’s finest. Gordon actually asks each of his top cops if any of them can handle the Riddler. They all look away shame-facedly, and Gordon then calls upon Batman. However, Gordon does do one useful thing: record the phone conversation between Batman and Riddler, thus providing Batman with the clue to find Robin.

These two episodes also have the only appearances of Inspector Basch (played by Michael Fox).

No sex, please, we’re superheroes. Batman tells Molly that she interests him “strangely,” and he does the Batusi with her after drinking the spiked orange juice. He deeply laments her death.

Special Guest Villain. Frank Gorshin makes his debut as the Riddler, arguably the best of Batman’s gallery of rogues, and certainly your humble rewatcher’s favorite. He’ll be back in “A Riddle a Day Keeps the Riddler Away”/”When the Rat’s Away the Mice will Play” later this season.

Jill St. John also gets billing as a special guest star, the only time someone other than the villain is credited at the beginning of the episode.

Na-na na-na na-na na-na na. “Poor deluded girl! If only she’d have let me save her! What a terrible way to go-go.”

Batman deciding that the violent death of a human being is a good occasion to make a pun related to the place where he first met her.

Trivial matters: This episode was discussed on The Batcave Podcast episode 1 by host John S. Drew with special guest chum, New York Times best-selling author Dayton Ward.

This episode was based on Batman #171 (May 1965), a story entitled “Remarkable Ruse of the Riddler” by Gardner Fox, Sheldon Moldoff, and Joe Giella.

The cliffhanger voiceover simply said to tune in tomorrow, “Same time, same channel,” without the ever-popular Bat- prefix.

Gordon’s office looks different from how it will appear in subsequent episodes, with the bookcase in a different location, and no sign of the larger exit.

This is the only time Bruce ever mentions his parents and their violent death, the catalyst for his becoming Batman.

The opening shots of the Gotham City World’s Fair used footage from the 1964 World’s Fair in New York City.

Batman’s dance is only referred to as the Batusi in William Dozier’s voiceover at the top of “Smack in the Middle” that shows scenes from “Hi Diddle Riddle.” However, the dance became quite popular for a bit there…

Pow! Biff! Zowie! “Riddle me twice, Batman!” The first part of this initial two-parter serves as an excellent introduction to the series, giving us the standard setup, showing us a moralistic Batman who is mindful of the law and doing the right thing, fiercely protective of Robin, and a user of tons of gadgets. We get the Batmobile startup sequence, the meeting with the commissioner and O’Hara, climbing up a wall, and the climactic fight scene.

But the best thing we get is the Riddler. Of all Batman’s villains, Frank Gorshin is the finest, completely throwing himself into the part, from the Riddler’s acrobatic gyrations in his most manic bits, to his wide-eyed glee in his quieter moments, his odd gestures, and his constant giggling. Gorshin fully inhabits the role, and it’s an absolute joy to watch.

The riddles are, of course, quite lame, but to some degree, that’s part of the point. Batman even states in Gordon’s office that the Riddler gets his enjoyment from matching wits with Batman more than anything.

Unfortunately, Part 2 drags somewhat. Where “Hi Diddle Riddle” is well paced and includes some great moments (Riddler’s lawsuit, the Batusi, the hilarious ineffectiveness of the Gotham City Police Department), “Smack in the Middle” is slow and draggy. Molly’s death is clumsy and unconvincing (tragedy is a bad fit for the show’s daffy pop-art sensibility, and the show will stay away from character deaths for the most part going forward, probably in part due to how badly it fell over here), there are too many scenes of the Batmobile driving through the mountain roads, and Riddler and the disguised Molly driving on the same roads, and it’s just endless. For that matter, Molly’s death also takes too long, and the lawsuit plot, which actually promised to be an interesting twist on the usual hero/villain interaction, was completely dropped until it was waved off at the very end. In addition, the cliffhanger is kind of weak, although it’s possible that this one was written before they realized they’d be doing it as two separate episodes; indeed, this two-parter feels like it was written to be a one-hour episode, not two half-hour ones.

Still, this is a good introduction to the series, setting the tone for the show going forward.

Bat-rating: 7

Keith R.A. DeCandido‘s Heroes Reborn eBook novella Save the Cheerleader, Destroy the World is now available for preorder. One of six novellas tying into the new NBC series, Keith’s tale will be released on the 20th of November, and can be preordered from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or Kobo.

“Fine Feathered Finks”/ “The Penguin’s a Jinx”
Written by Lorenzo Semple Jr.
Directed by Robert Butler
Season 1, Episodes 1 & 2
Production code 8703
Original air dates: January 19 & 20, 1966

The Bat-signal: Three guys in black suits and bowler hats start giving out umbrellas outside a jewelry store, the House of Ali Baba, with the promise of possible prizes inside. The umbrellas all then open on their own inside the store, spraying gas, blowing fireworks and confetti, and making horrible noises and spitting out gas and comedy snakes. At police HQ, O’Hara says it’s like a fingerprint—the Penguin, who has an umbrella fetish, and he was just released from prison three days ago. Gordon picks up the Bat-phone.

At Wayne Manor, Dick is struggling with his French lessons. Bruce reminds him that language is the key to world peace. Dick allows as how that’s true, but his attempt to conjugate French verbs is interrupted by the Bat-phone. After telling Aunt Harriet that they’re going fishing (didn’t they use that cover story last week?), they head off in the Batmobile to Gotham City.

Batman finds it curious that there was no actual robbery, even though the umbrella thing was a perfect setup for one. Curious as to the Penguin’s state of mind before being released from prison, Batman interviews Warden Crichton, a progressive thinker on reforms in prison. For the week leading up to inmates’ release, they’re permitted to wear civilian clothing, and the warden also surreptitiously videotapes them in their cells during that period. They play the tape in Gordon’s office, and it’s clear that Penguin is completely unreformed—he’s been spending his time in prison trying (and failing) to come up with a plan for a new caper.

Penguin’s henchman (also in his civvies including, hilariously, his domino mask) contemplates how totally awesome it would be if Batman was also a criminal. That prompts Penguin to come up with an idea involving umbrellas—but the henchman discovers the hidden camera before he can speak his plan out loud.

Batman checks the city records to find any new umbrella factories that have been opened in the past few days—they find three, one of which was opened by “K.G. Bird,” a.k.a. “cagey bird,” a.k.a. Penguin.

At the K.G. Bird & Co. umbrella factory, Penguin explains his plan: nothing. He’s going to keep doing crazy umbrella-related stunts with no actual crime, and wait for Batman to “deduce” his next move, and use that as his caper. His next umbrella giveaway is at a bank. Batman and Robin show up and collect all the umbrellas under an asbestos pad (really a normal moving pad, but whatever) to protect everyone from the pyrotechnics.

The Dynamic Duo head to K.G. Bird & Co. to confront Penguin, but they’re frustrated by the fact that he hasn’t committed an actual crime yet.

After they leave, Penguin’s henchmen launch a giant orange umbrella onto the street, which has a normal sized umbrella dangling from the handle. Batman climbs up to retrieve it, and it’s got a plaque on it: a special Batbrella. They take it back to the Batcave to examine it, but they find nothing. So Batman decides to take a spider-shaped bug and visit the umbrella shop as Bruce Wayne and leave the bug there so they can eavesdrop on his plans.

Bruce takes his father’s old umbrella in for repair, and tries to plant the bug—but he sets off an alarm. Penguin throws a net on him and gasses him with his umbrella. Assuming it’s industrial espionage by a rival umbrella factory, he has his thugs throw Bruce into the furnace.

The heat of the furnace causes Bruce’s shoes to smoke, which wakes him up. He has a cigarette lighter, which he tosses into the furnace. The butane in the lighter causes the furnace to go boom and allow Bruce to escape. Penguin lets him go, as he believes Bruce to be a criminal himself. Bruce returns to the Batcave, and he and Robin continue to muster their brainpower to try to figure out what the (nonexistent) clue is in the Batbrella.

At 6pm, Penguin activates the listening device in the Batbrella. (Why he waited this long is anybody’s guess.) Batman and Robin are studying the Batbrella. At first, the Dynamic Duo think that the colors symbolize the colors of a jeweled meteorite, but the museum where it’s housed is impenetrable.

They look at the Batbrella some more, and Robin notes that the colors look like a beautiful dawn. Then it hits Batman: Dawn Robbins, the actress, is in town filming a picture called The Mockingbird, produced by Ward Eagle, and she’s staying at the penthouse of the Pelican Arms—it’s the perfect Penguin ornithological crime (a turn of phrase not actually used in this episode, more’s the pity)!

Batman tells Robin how easily Penguin could kidnap her, and Penguin and his henchmen are taking notes. Heroes and villains each separately head out toward the Pelican Arms. Batman and Robin head up to her penthouse (which is a relief to the bored actress, who is weary of her life as a starlet because nothing exciting ever happens) to protect her.

Across the way, Penguin and his thugs use a Penguin Rope and umbrellas to rappel into the penthouse and gasses Robbins and her manager. Batman and Robin ambush him, wearing gas masks, but then Penguin activates the Penguin Magnet, which attaches the pair to the wall via their metal utility belts. Penguin escapes with Robbins, and asks for a ransom of $200,000, to be delivered in the front hall of Wayne Manor. Batman and Robin intend to hide in the two suits of armor in that hall and ambush the Penguin once Robbins is safe. However, Penguin hears all that over the bug in the Batbrella.

Penguin’s thugs gas Alfred, and then Penguin himself gasses both suits of armor, rendering Batman and Robin both unconscious. They leave Robbins (still sedated) next to Alfred on the couch. They repair to the K.G. Bird factory to divide the loot—but then Batman and Robin ambush him. Penguin used the same words Batman did when he kidnapped Robbins, so Batman realized that Penguin had been eavesdropping. They put dummies in the armor and waited back at the factory to take him down.

After a particularly goofy umbrella-swordfight, they’re taken down, and are sent back to Crichton.

Bruce holds a society gathering in the mansion. Gordon is among the guests—as is Robbins.

Fetch the Bat-shark-repellant! When the penthouse proves too high to throw the Bat-a-rang, Batman uses the Batzooka to shoot the Batrope up. (One of Penguin’s thugs instantly recognizes the sound of the Batzooka, which makes you wonder how often he uses the fershlugginer thing.) The Penguin, not to be outdone, has his own gadgets, all named after himself.

Holy #@!%$, Batman! Upon seeing the Penguin in his civvies while in prison, he cries out, “Holy haberdashery!” (The Penguin is wearing his hat.) When they “discover” that Penguin’s scheme is to kidnap Dawn Robbins, he cries out, “Holy popcorn!” And when Penguin activates his Penguin magnet, Robin’s responses are “Holy lodestone!” and “Holy flypaper!”

Gotham City’s finest. As with last time, Gordon asks for volunteers to tackle the Penguin, but O’Hara tells him to stop being silly, and just call Batman already. However, Gordon anticipates Batman’s desire to speak to Crichton, and flies him in by helicopter. He makes up for this rare burst of competence by it never occurring to him that Penguin would rent an umbrella factory under an alias.

No sex, please, we’re superheroes. Dawn Robbins is doing a photo shoot for Fungirl magazine. She thinks Batman is “sorta cute,” and later is quite melancholy at Bruce’s party, as she has fallen for Batman, whom she’ll probably never see again. It is never revealed whether or not Bruce decided to try to comfort her in her misery…

Special Guest Villain. Burgess Meredith debuts his role as the Penguin. He’ll be back in “The Penguin Goes Straight” / “Not Yet He Ain’t” later this season. Ernest Borgnine was apparently considered for the role.

Na-na na-na na-na na-na na. “What a stupid thing to say.”

Robin’s apt and regretful utterance upon being reminded that prisoners actually are supposed to get released after their sentence is over.

Trivial matters: This episode was discussed on The Batcave Podcast episode 2 by host John S. Drew with special guest chum, Paul K. Bisson.

The story was based on the 1965 comic book story “Partners in Plunder” in Batman #169 by Ed Herron, Sheldon Moldoff, & Joe Giella.

We actually get the standard explanation of why Batman chooses to dress like a bat—because the form of a giant bat is scary to the cowardly criminal mind—but we get it from Gordon at the party, not Batman (or Bruce).

Penguin mentions a hideaway in Alaska, a rare occasion when any regular character on the show admits to the possibility of being away from Gotham City.

In addition to Penguin, this episode marks the debut of David Lewis’ Warden Crichton, who will continue to manage Gotham State Penitentiary through all three seasons.

Pow! Biff! Zowie! “The baleful bird is about to chirp!” What I particularly love about this episode is the same thing I liked about the Riddler lawsuit angle last time, only this time the twist on the expected hero-stops-villain dynamic is actually followed through on. Penguin doesn’t need to come up with a scheme, he just has to leave Batman with a sufficiently multifaceted clue—an umbrella of many colors—and his deductive powers combine with his vivid imagination (not to mention his ability to jump to absurd conclusions) to provide him with the very crime he is trying to prevent.

It’s kind of amusing that the oh-so-lawful Batman actually considers the illegal wiretapping of a private citizen. Keep in mind that at this point, Penguin is not a criminal; Batman himself said that he’s paid his debt to society, having served his sentence. At this stage in the game, he hasn’t actually committed a crime, certainly not one that warrants a warrantless eavesdrop. And then Penguin uses the exact same thing to actually commit his crime.

Burgess Meredith is far less broad in this first appearance—his trademark “waugh! waugh!” is nowhere to be heard, and his waddle is less pronounced when he walks. His sneering tone, aided by the cigarette holder that is perpetually held together by his teeth, is quite familiar, though, but the characterization is more aristocratic, befitting the character’s costuming.

You also have to wonder if writer Lorenzo Semple Jr. was indulging in a bit of social commentary on prison reform, with Crichton’s constant references to his progressive policies—policies that are abject failures with the Penguin. The decade prior to this episode being aired was when U.S. prisons first attempted a greater emphasis on corrections and rehabilitation rather than punishment.

Bat-rating: 8

Keith R.A. DeCandido is at New York Comic-Con this weekend at the Javits Center in NYC. He’s at Booth 1157 on the main floor, selling and autographing books alongside his friend Megan H. Rothrock, author of The LEGO Adventure Book series. Come on by and say hi!

Combining Star Wars and chocolate is probably the most important human undertaking, and we love these desserts from Faith and Flower! The Los Angeles-based patisserie has created a limited edition mignardise board, seen above, featuring a dark chocolate Vader truffle filled with caramel, a solid chocolate Falcon, a Death Star sprinkled with gold-dust, the requisite Han-Solo-frozen-on-chocolate-carbonite, and our favorite, an absinthe candy lightsaber. The selection is the creation of F&F’s pastry chef, Josh Graves, and will be available as a secret menu item through the end of December, or, as we’ve been calling it, Force Awakens Month.

Afternoon Roundup brings you less sugary news from a galaxy far, far away, a possible genderswap for a horror icon, and Vin Diesel’s nefarious plot to level up humanity!

• We believe you, Mark Hamill!
• Kathleen Kennedy talks about the importance of adding female characters, writers, and directors to the Star Wars universe.
• And speaking of welcoming women into franchises, are we getting a female Mummy?
• And, hey! speaking of welcoming even more women into franchises, is Valkyrie joining Thor 3?
• Here is a long, not terribly positive, very funny, review of the XBox One.
• The Penguin’s Dad is once again the Penguin’s Dad!
• Check out this in-depth discussion of The Once and Future King! 
• One day Vin Diesel will achieve his dream of playing D&D with all of humanity, simultaneously, and the world will finally know peace. That day could come as soon as October 23, 2015.
• A GoPro falls into a nest of rattlesnakes, and they slither around it, rattling away. If you like snakes, this video will be a joy to watch; if you’re even slightly afraid of them, don’t press play.

“The Joker is Wild” / “Batman is Riled”
Written by Robert Dozier
Directed by Don Weis
Season 1, Episodes 5 & 6
Production code 8709
Original air dates: January 26 & 27, 1966

The Bat-signal: We open at Gotham State Penitentiary—”one of the state’s busier locations”—where one of Crichton’s reforms is a softball game. The Joker is pitching for his team. Among the spectators is O’Hara, who’s impressed with the job Crichton has done on the Joker—the notion of the Joker taking time away from prison-break-plotting to play softball. (Actually, O’Hara says “baseball,” even though they’re playing softball. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, is the chief.)

After throwing two strikeouts, the catcher switches the balls with one under his chest protector. When the batter hits it, there’s an explosion, and a spring under the pitcher’s mound releases, and sends the Joker flying over the wall. (How the Joker contrived to get a giant spring under the pitcher’s mound of a wide-open field in a prison is left as an exercise for the viewer.)

O’Hara calls Gordon, both of them taking every opportunity to make “he sprung himself” jokes, and then Gordon calls Batman. Dick is in the midst of his piano lessons with Aunt Harriet, Bruce sitting nearby looking incredibly pained at his awful Chopin. The Bat-phone comes as a relief from his crappy ivory-tickling, and Batman and Robin head down the Bat-poles, into the Batmobile, and off to police HQ.

Joker left a bust of himself at the base of the spring under the pitcher’s mound. Batman and Robin deduce that it’s a clue to other places that have busts on pedestals, like museums—specifically the Gotham City Museum of Modern Art which is today opening a Comedians Hall of Fame exhibit.

They drive to the museum, parking in front of a sign that says, “NO PARKING, G.C.P.D.”—Batman actually hesitates before parking there, but a uniformed officer tells him it’s okay and moves the sign. Inside, they order the museum to be cleared, but they enter to discover that the Joker is included in the exhibit. They go off to talk to the museum’s director, while security locks the museum up tight. The guard says it’s burglar-proof—nobody could break in.

Once the doors are closed, Joker himself emerges from inside the bust, as do his henchmen, who were hiding in the Stan Laurel, Oliver Hardy, W.C. Fields, and Ernie Kovacs busts. The Joker chortles with glee at outwitting Batman, and now they can steal the fabulous jewels! And then they run to the next gallery over, which is really and truly labelled “Hall of Fabulous Jewels.”

To Batman’s confusion, the director isn’t in his office. He then realizes that, while nobody could break in, someone could break out. They go back to the front entrance and then very easily break into the supposedly burglar-proof museum and then fisticuffs ensue. A sword comes loose from the wall and clunks Batman on the head, and Robin, sufficiently distracted by Batman’s plight, is captured by the henchmen.

But even as they head out, Batman is already conscious—but playing possum until he can toss a smoke bomb. Batman and Robin take care of the four thugs, but Joker gets away through an absurdly convenient trap door. He runs to his hideout under the Gotham Pier Amusement Park, swearing never again to be done in by Batman’s utility belt. So he’s created his own utility belt (which looks just like Batman’s, only with the Joker’s face on the buckle). Two more of his thugs, and his moll, Queenie, are impressed with the belt, and Joker hits on his next caper: stealing the S.S. Gotham, a new luxury liner launching Saturday.

Bruce and Dick meet with Gordon and O’Hara. Bruce is a majority stockholder in the Gotham Shipping Company, which owns the S.S. Gotham, and Gordon assures Bruce that Batman and Robin will be christening the boat, which also means the opening will be quite secure.

Certainly more secure than having the police involved, given that a brick comes flying through the window, with a clown doll attached to it. Gordon goes to the Bat-phone to tell the caped crusader—leading to an uncomfortable exchange of glances between Bruce and Dick—but Alfred informs Gordon that Batman is out for the day. Bruce asks O’Hara if he can keep the doll as a souvenir, and even though it’s a weapon used in an attack on a law-enforcement headquarters, O’Hara hands it over to a civilian, thus destroying the chain of evidence. The chief then has the gall to speak ill of Bruce as someone who’d be of no help against the Joker, conveniently forgetting his own paralysis in the face of the villain.

In the Batcave, the Dynamic Duo examine the doll, but find no clues on it. It can’t indicate the circus—it left town weeks ago, according to Gordon—but there’s a production of Pagliacci being televised live in Gotham tonight.

Cut to the opera, where Batman unmasks the opera singer in the clown mask as actually being the Joker. (And he just sang “Vesti la Giubba,” which is pretty impressive.) But his costume also includes sneezing powder that emits from one of the buttons, and he sneezifies Batman and Robin, making them easy pickings for Joker’s thugs, who hold the Dynamic Duo.

Joker tries to unmask Batman and Robin on television, but before he can do it, Batman manages to pull out another smoke bomb from his utility belt, using it to set off the sprinklers. Joker responds with a smoke bomb of his own. Batman chases him up to the catwalk, but Joker wraps him in colored paper and gets away.

They return to the Batcave to see a news report speculating that Batman and Robin may have met their match—and then Joker takes over the newscast and does an episode of What’s My Crime? to give “Fatman and the Boy Blunder” a hint as to his next caper. He indicates that it involves a belt and a switch (but not an electric switch), and also gives the hint: “What’s wrong with this sentence? ‘He who laughs last laughs good.'” Grammatically, that should end with “laughs well,” which clues them into Professor Laughwell, who’s just returned from Africa with a collection of masks and rare art. They head to the warehouse, climbing the wall to find Joker rummaging through the collection.

The Dynamic Duo burst in and fisticuffs ensue (surprisingly without sound effects), but the Joker gets away—but not before switching the Caped Crusader’s utility belt with a replica of Joker’s own. Batman throws a smoke bomb, which gives off fireworks, confetti, streamers, and signs reading, “PHOOEY ON BATMAN,” “POOR BOY WONDER,” and “HOORAY FOR THE JOKER.” This prompts Batman to say that he’s hit them “below the belt.”

The media has a field day, with Gotham City Times headlines all declaring the incompetence of Batman, Robin, and the police over the course of several days. Batman and Robin are stymied—they study the fake utility belt and find nothing, nor do they have any idea what the Joker’s next caper will be.

Joker shows how he’ll stop Batman when they steal the luxury liner: a gag cork in the bottle of champagne that Batman and Robin will use to christen the S.S. Gotham. That evening, the Dynamic Duo arrive to christen the boat (Gordon starts the festivities despite the fact that Bruce Wayne hasn’t shown up yet, ha ha), despite the jeers of the crowd who want to know why they’re participating in silly photo-ops when there’s a Joker to be chased down. Gordon hands Batman the bottle, calling it “the finest French champagne,” as if there could possibly be any other kind of champagne. (If it’s not from the Champagne region of France, then it isn’t champagne, it’s sparkling wine.)

Batman notices the jimmied cork, and then says he suddenly has a headache and takes a pill—telling Robin to take one, too, in case it’s contagious. Robin rightly scoffs at the notion of a contagious headache, but Batman says, “Doctor’s orders,” despite no doctor being available, and Robin shrugs and takes the pill.

As soon as Batman christens the boat, gas is released, rendering everyone unconscious. The gas-masked thugs carry Batman and Robin off to the hideout under the amusement park. Joker cuts in on a TV signal to broadcast from his hideout, requesting that the title to S.S. Gotham be turned over to him, or the Dynamic Duo will be executed on TV. (Interestingly enough, this time Joker evinces no interest in unmasking Batman and Robin like he did the last time he had them helpless on live TV.)

But the pills they took are universal drug antidotes (really!), and they stop playing possum and fisticuffs ensue (this time with sound effects, thus guaranteeing our heroes’ victory). The day is saved, and Bruce and Dick watch a newscast talking about how Gotham’s citizens will sleep soundly tonight. Dick then has to have another piano lesson, to his chagrin, though he’s mollified by Alfred’s offer of milk and cookies.

Fetch the Bat-shark-repellant! They study the doll with the hyper-spectrographic analyzer (no “bat” prefix), and Batman keeps a purple smoke bomb and a universal drug antidote in his utility belt.

Holy #@!%$, Batman! When Bruce says he and Dick will be late for their “ballgame” (code for the Bat-phone), he says, “Holy Koufax!” a reference to contemporary Los Angeles Dodger pitcher Sandy Koufax. When Gordon reveals the coily method of the Joker’s prison break, Robin’s reply is, “Holy jack-in-the-box!” Upon Batman expressing concern that the Comedians Hall of Fame is a distraction, Robin cries, “Holy red herring!” His response to Batman realizing that the Joker was inside the museum all along is “Holy stuffing!” and “Holy ravioli!” is his not-at-all-offensive response to the realization that the Joker’s going to hit the production of Pagliacci. When he sees Batman wrapped in colored paper, he cries “Holy serpentine!” as he helps the Caped Crusader extricate himself. He dismissively says, “Holy grammar” at Joker’s “he who laughs last…” clue, but is much more enthusiastic in his “Holy safari!” upon realizing that Laughwell’s collection is the Joker’s next target. When Batman throws what he thinks is his smoke bomb, but turns out to be Joker’s, he cries, “Holy 4th of July!” He laments, “Holy headlines” when seeing that they’re portrayed as “page-one dumbbells” in the newspaper.

Gotham City’s finest. It never occurs to Gordon or O’Hara that the Joker might hit the Comedians Hall of Fame exhibit, even though there was a newspaper article that specifically mentioned that the Joker would not be one of the inductees into that hall. When Batman mentions it, they’re in awe of his genius.

Later, Gordon and O’Hara are depressed and stymied by Batman’s absence, unsure what they can possibly do without him. This so traumatizes them that O’Hara hands over a piece of evidence in an act of vandalism against police HQ to a civilian.

No sex, please, we’re superheroes. At the museum, there’s a gaggle of young women who squee over Robin, but neither hero pays them any mind. At the end, Queenie tries to charm her way out of arrest, to no avail.

Special Guest Villain. The trifecta of male villains is completed in this third set of episodes with Cesar Romero as the Joker. Romero famously refused to shave his mustache for the role, so they just covered the ‘stache with the harlequin makeup that is the character’s hallmark. (It’s actually way more noticeable on 21st century hi-def televisions than it was on the old analog TVs of the day, though I do recall noticing it occasionally when I was a kid.)

Na-na na-na na-na na-na na. “Holy headlines! We look like page one dumbbells!”

“Too true, Robin. The responsibility of the press is to report the truth despite what it might do to our image. Our main concern is to a frightened public whom we seem to be failing.”

“Gosh, you’re right—I can’t help thinking of only myself, I’m sorry.”

Robin bitching about the headlines, Batman pointing out that he’s being a doofus, and Robin admitting to being one.

Trivial matters: This episode was discussed on The Batcave Podcast episode 3 by host John S. Drew with special guest chum, Billy Flynn of Geek Radio Daily.

The story was partly based on the 1952 comic book story “The Joker’s Utility Belt” by David Reed, Dick Sprang, & Charles Paris, one of the three stories in Batman #73. Also, Joker breaking into TV broadcasts is similar to what he did in his very first appearance in Batman #1, breaking into radio broadcasts. The character would be seen to do it again in the comics, as well as in the movies (both the 1989 Batman and 2008’s The Dark Knight) and the 1990s animated series.

Writer Robert Dozier is the son of show developer William Dozier. This is the only story he wrote for his Dad’s show. He would go on to co-create the short-lived $weepstake$ in 1979.

The Joker’s game show What’s My Crime? is a riff on the long-running What’s My Line? (in its sixteenth year when this episode aired). Cesar Romero appeared on the show twice.

The cliffhanger voiceover for the first time has William Dozier saying the words, “Same bat-time, same bat-channel,” though the caption still reads “Same time, same channel,” as with the previous two cliffhangers.

Queenie is based on one of Joker’s henchwomen from the comics, who discovered Batman’s true identity, but died before she could reveal it.

In The Dark Knight, the Joker, played by Heath Ledger, wore an opera mask very similar to the one from this story that the Joker wore while playing Pagliacci.

While Crichton doesn’t appear, we do see more of his prison reform attempts, as seen in “Fine Feathered Finks”/ “The Penguin’s a Jinx.”

Pow! Biff! Zowie! “Come, my puckish partners in plunder!” If you want to start an argument among geeks—well, it’s not that hard, really, but one way to get one going is ask who the best Joker is. There are those who will swear by Jack Nicholson in the 1989 film, others extoll the virtues of Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight (he won an Oscar and everything!), and plenty of wonderful voice actors have done him in animated productions, from Larry Storch in the 1970s to Larry Weinrib in the 1980s to Mark Hamill in the 1990s to Kevin Michael Richardson in the 2000s. (Jared Leto will no doubt further complicate the argument in next year’s Suicide Squad.) For my money, with all respect to Ledger (and none to Nicholson, who was dreadful in the role; he was way more effective as Jack Napier than he was as the Joker, which is getting it entirely backwards), the best ever remains Hamill, as no one—live action or voice—has come close to his perfect rendering of the Clown Prince of Crime in the Batman, Superman, and Justice League animated series that ran from 1992-2003.

But it would be wrong to underestimate Cesar Romero. It’s easy to dismiss him when compared to the much darker psychotic lunacy of Hamill, Nicholson, and Ledger, but he brings a manic wonderfulness to the role. Unlike Frank Gorshin’s acrobatic craziness, which was leavened by calm moments, Romero’s Joker is entirely vocal—but incredibly effectively so. Like Gorshin, he has a distinctive laugh, and he’s written as a fan of alliteration, plus he doesn’t have the calm moments Gorshin uses. Indeed, the closest Romero comes to calm is when he’s being dismissive (usually toward his henchmen and moll when they’re being dumb), instead giving a steady barrage of gleefully manic craziness.

The story itself is fun in that it shows the Dynamic Duo dealing with failure and the consequences of it. Robin in particular is hurt by all the negative press; Batman seems unaffected.

In fact, Adam West’s usual calm in the face of craziness backfires a bit here in one aspect. The newscaster mentions his eight-year-old son, who included Batman as part of his before-bed prayers, and Robin mentions the boy several times in the episode. Meant to tug at the heartstrings, those mentions would be much more effective if West showed some—any—reaction to it. Honestly, he manages more reaction to the awful piano playing at the top of “The Joker is Wild” than he does to disappointing an eight-year-old.

Bat-rating: 7

Keith R.A. DeCandido doesn’t know why there ain’t no sun up in the sky.

One of the best things about the merging of “high” and “low” culture is seeing pop heroes turn up in traditional art forms, and we’ve found a lovely example today! Wayang kulit are Indonesian shadow puppets. They’re usually made of leather, and often used to tell stories from the Ramayana or Mahabharata. These Wayang kulit, made by Fusion Wayang Kulit, has been made from a comics icons, and is being used to tell the tales of Wonder Woman, Batman, and The Flash. Above, Batman stalks the night with a highly stylized bat-dragon hybrid!

Plus, Wonder Woman wielding her Lasso and riding the Jentayu, or phoenix, into battle.

And the Flash doesn’t have a mythical sidekick, but he does have a giant bolt of lightning:

You can see more of the Wayang Kulit over at the group’s Facebook page!

[via BoingBoing!]

“Instant Freeze” / “Rats Like Cheese”
Written by Max Hodge
Directed by Robert Butler
Season 1, Episodes 7 & 8
Production code 8707
Original air dates: February 2 & 3, 1966

The Bat-signal: Mr. Freeze attacks an ice-skating rink in the midst of an event by melting the rink with a flamethrower. His getaway vehicle is an ice-cream truck. A cop pursues him on a motorcycle, but Mr. Freeze ices the road behind him, and the cop washes out. After expositioning to the audience about Mr. Freeze—that he can only exist in temperatures of 50 degrees below zero (or colder)—Gordon and O’Hara go to the Bat-phone.

Bruce and Dick are having lunch with three players for the local baseball team, the Gotham City Eagles, including their star pitcher, Paul Diamante. They beg off dessert, claiming a double date, and head to police HQ. Batman feels a certain amount of guilt—in their last tussle, Batman accidentally spilled one of Mr. Freeze’s instant-freeze experiments onto the man himself, forcing him to live in a suit that keeps his body at 50 below. That is an expensive proposition, so they can expect a crime wave. The Dynamic Duo head back to the Batcave to consult the anti-crime computer.

Mr. Freeze has a hideout in the mountains, where he’s able to keep the interior at the temperatures he needs to survive—but can also make parts of the room 76 degrees, which is handy for his henchmen.

Batman tests his anti-freezing pill, but it’s not enough to keep him from freezing to death in Mr. Freeze’s native temperature. At best, it allows him to tolerate zero degrees, which still gives Mr. Freeze a 50-degree advantage.

Five fake Batmen and five fake Mr. Freezes have been hired to appear in public to confuse the police and Batman himself. O’Hara is dumbfounded by patrol reports that have Batman sighted all over town at the same time. Gordon calls Batman to let him know, and they map out the appearances, realizing that all the Batmen are converging on the diamond exchange.

Sure enough, Mr. Freeze is robbing the diamond exchange, including the Star of Kashmir, the most valuable diamond in the world—or, rather, the second, as the manager Mr. Perkins informs him.

A guard sets off the alarm, prompting Mr. Freeze to freeze him solid. Then the five fake Batmen, as well as the five fake Mr. Freezes, all enter, to the confusion of the customers. The real Batman arrives with Robin, and fisticuffs ensue. Mr. Freeze is the only who doesn’t participate in the fight, as he’s too busy icing the floor. Robin almost biffs the real Batman by mistake at one point. In the confusion, Mr. Freeze escapes with his henchmen, taking time to ice the Batmobile’s turbines before getting away.

Batman and Robin look up in the sky, and it’s not a bird, but it is a plane, which is skywriting: “STRIKE ONE FOR BATMAN.”

The anti-crime computer informs them that Mr. Freeze is likely to strike a jewelry shop next. He stole the Star of Kashmir, and left a fortune in loose diamonds on the floor of the exchange. He’s obviously after particularly valuable pieces. The computer gives several likely targets, but they hit on Ghiaclio Circolo (which Robin, who’s studying Italian, translates as “the Ice Circle”) as the most likely, as it’s the most valuable in the world. It’s owned by Princess Sandra of Molino, who’s flying into Gotham for a charity baseball game.

Princess Sandra—who was born Sandra Carolson of Brooklyn—is in the royal suite at the Gotham City Hotel, wearing the Ghiaclio Circolo around her neck. Mr. Freeze enters her room inside a crate labelled as meat that must be kept frozen. One of her staff sounds the alarm, but Mr. Freeze freezes him—and when he falls down, he shatters (off camera), causing another staffer to faint.

Mr. Freeze takes the diamond from around the princess’s neck, just as Batman and Robin arrive. The scuffle is brief—Mr. Freeze tries to get away by setting the drapes alight, but they catch up to him and he’s forced to freeze them on the street, just as a plane skywrites strike two. He’d been hoping to toy with them more, but that’s the way the ice cube crumbles.

Luckily, Gotham City Hospital has a Mark 7 Super Hypertherm Deicifier, into which the Dynamic Duo are placed and saved.

Princess Sandra is throwing out the first ball in the charity game, which is between the Eagles and the Windy City Wildcats. She does so from Bruce Wayne’s private box, and then the ballgame starts. But Paul Diamante isn’t pitching, to everyone’s surprise. Just as that announcement is made, a plane skywrites, “THREE STRIKES, YOU’RE OUT, BATMAN.”

Saying he has to go to a board meeting, Bruce leaves the box. Even though he’s not on the board, Dick follows. They arrive at police HQ in costume to find that Diamante was kidnapped by Mr. Freeze—Diamante means “diamond,” and he pitches on a baseball diamond, thus keeping the theme going. Mr. Freeze calls the commissioner with his demands: he’ll give Diamante back in exchange for Batman. Batman, of course, agrees, as Diamante is the idol of millions of young boys who will grow up to be men, and he can’t let their idol die. (We’ll just dance past the implication that (a) girls don’t like baseball and (b) Batman has a different standard for famous people, as it sounds like that if he was Paul Diamante the bricklayer instead of Paul Diamante the famous pitcher, Batman would let him rot.)

Robin, though, surreptitiously placed a tracker on Batman, which he explains to a surprised Alfred, who just brought him a strawberry sundae. (Extra energy wouldn’t hurt.) Batman’s in the middle of nowhere, where he meets a helicopter. Mr. Freeze’s thugs deposit a dazed Diamante on a park bench and club Batman on the head. Robin follows along, making sure Diamante’s okay, but not bothering to untie him (really?).

Batman wakes up in Mr. Freeze’s lair, a section that’s 76 degrees. Mr. Freeze has the utility belt in the cold half of the room—yet he doesn’t bother to unmask him. Twice Batman tries to attack Mr. Freeze on the cold side of the room and fails. Mr. Freeze leads him to the dining room, where Robin has been captured.

Mr. Freeze provides them with a last meal: roast beef, spinach, and baked Alaska (Batman turns down a cold sherry). Batman tries to appeal to him to give up so he can get the medical help he needs, but Mr. Freeze wants revenge for what Batman did to him. They once again try to attack, but the cold is too much for them.

Finally, Mr. Freeze narrows the warm field so only one person can fit. Batman lets Robin stay in, and Batman then dives in and punches Mr. Freeze in the nose. Turns out he was wearing thermal underwear that kept him warm, and was faking up until now. What he gained from faking all this time is unclear.

He gives Robin the controller, and Robin makes the whole room 76 degrees. But after Mr. Freeze suffers a bit in normal temperatures, he makes a small area at 50 below for him.

Then the thugs show up, and fisticuffs ensue, with the Dynamic Duo victorious.

The next day, Diamante has a photo op with Gordon and Princess Sandra. Bruce and Dick, meanwhile, are deeply disappointed that Aunt Harriet had the cook make baked Alaska for dessert…

Fetch the Bat-shark-repellant! For the first time we get the “Atomic batteries to power, turbines to speed,” “Get ready to move out” sequence with Batman and Robin as they start up the Batmobile. Batman tries to survive in the portable freeze chamber. The anti-crime computer has an interdigital Batsorter—which, apparently, interdigitally sorts bats?

Best of all, they mark the appearances of the fake Batmen on the giant lighted lucite map of Gotham City, which is handily labelled, “GIANT LIGHTED LUCITE MAP OF GOTHAM CITY.” One assumes there’s also the tiny lighted lucite map of Gotham City, the giant dark lucite map of Gotham City, the giant lighted marble map of Gotham City, and, of course, the giant lighted lucite map of Metropolis.

Holy #@!%$, Batman! When realizing that Mr. Freeze will need to bankroll his chilly lifestyle, Robin declares, “Holy iceberg!” Alfred’s serving of iced tea after Batman tested the portable freeze chamber leads to Robin declaring, “Holy blizzard!” As they mark the appearances of the fake Batmen on the giant lighted lucite map of Gotham City, Robin mutters, “Holy schizophrenia.” Upon realizing the Batmobile’s turbines are frozen, he declares, “Holy iceballs!” Alfred’s interrupting Robin’s preparation to go after Batman is met with an on-the-nose, “Holy interruptions!” and he declares “Holy Sherlock Holmes” when explaining to Alfred why he put a tracker on the Caped Crusader.

Breaking the pattern, he, for reasons passing understanding, says, “Leaping lumbago!” when they realize the fake Batmen are targeting the diamond exchange.

Gotham City’s finest. Gordon says to O’Hara that those elected to protect the city must follow the due process of the law—which means that either the commissioner, the chief of police, or both is an elected post. The notion that a plurality of citizens in Gotham might have actually voted for one of these two for their job is a scary-ass proposition…

Robin calls the GCPD on his way to the mountain, but O’Hara and his people don’t make it to the mountain hideout until after the fight is over because they took a wrong turn on Route 49. I hate when that happens.

No sex, please, we’re superheroes. Gordon at one point refers to Batman and Robin as two fine specimens of manhood. Wah-hey! Princess Sandra and Bruce Wayne apparently have some kind of past, though only Sandra makes mention of it.

Special Guest Villain. George Sanders makes his only appearance as Mr. Freeze. This is the first villain specifically created for the show (though he was based on the comics villain Mr. Zero, who first appeared in Batman #121 in 1959) and the first to inspire the comics, as Mr. Zero was changed to Mr. Freeze to match the TV villain in Detective Comics #373 in 1968. Mr. Freeze will return twice in season 2, played by Otto Preminger in “Green Ice” / “Deep Freeze” and by Eli Wallach in “Ice Spy” / “The Duo Defy.” He’s one of only two villains to be played by three different actors on the show, the other being Catwoman (Julie Newmar, Lee Meriwether, and Eartha Kitt).

Na-na na-na na-na na-na na.

“Nothing. Not one single mark—er, I mean, red cent. No money! None!”

Mr. Freeze’s answer to the question of how much money he wants for Diamante’s release.

Trivial matters: This episode was discussed on The Batcave Podcast episode 4 by host John S. Drew with special guest chum, Andrew Leyland of the Hey, Kids, Comics! podcast.

Teri Garr makes a cameo at the top of “Instant Freeze” as one of the victims of Mr. Freeze’s skating rink meltdown, one of her first TV appearances.

Other guests in this episode include Shelby Grant, who would appear in Our Man Flint the same year, as the princess, longtime character actor Robert Hogan as Diamante, and Dan Terranova doing a hilarious parody of Ben Casey as the doctor who saves Batman and Robin.

When talking with Diamante, Dick compares him to Sandy Koufax, the Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher. This is the second reference to Koufax made by the character, having cried, “Holy Koufax!” in “The Joker is Wild.”

We’re back to “same time, same channel” without the Bat-prefix at the end of “Instant Freeze.”

Pow! Biff! Zowie! “Have you ordered the airplane to go zoom-zoom-zoom?” This is a particularly enjoyable couple of episodes. One of the refreshing things about watching the show right now is that it started in medias res. These are not Batman’s first encounters with the villains in question, and in the case of Mr. Freeze we have the added bonus of a particular animus he has for Batman.

And it’s justified, too. Everyone else insists it was an accident and Batman isn’t responsible, but Batman himself evinces at least a little guilt at what happened: because of Batman, Dr. Schimmel, a.k.a. Mr. Freeze, can only survive in sub-Arctic temperatures. It’s a horrible thing to have to deal with.

It gives Mr. Freeze’s plots to ensnare Batman significantly more bite, because he’s not in it to challenge Batman or to play games with him; he has a very genuine desire for revenge. Some of that bite is lost by George Sanders playing the bad guy with a comedy German accent, but he’s having so much fun in the role, it’s hard to complain about that overmuch.

Of course, you have to wonder why Dr. Schimmel didn’t just put his device that can freeze parts of rooms and not freeze other parts on the market. He’d make a mint in selling to meat storage units alone!

The episode would get a higher rating but for the climax. It makes no sense, none, that Batman was faking it for all that time and then suddenly decided to reveal himself at the end. He could have taken Mr. Freeze down the minute he woke up in the room—what did he gain by pretending to be frozen in the room? Even Batman’s most ridiculous feats have some basis in reality, however miniscule, and however warped this particular reality is, but this has absolutely no sense to it whatsoever.

In addition, why go to the trouble of establishing that Princess Sandra is actually from Brooklyn if you don’t do anything with it? And why did Mr. Freeze melt an ice rink, anyhow? What was the point? How’d he get the planes to skywrite so fast? And finally, why is the second episode called “Rats Like Cheese”? There are no rats and no cheese in the episode. It’s like it was the placeholder rhyme title and they never replaced it…

Bat-rating: 6

Keith R.A. DeCandido is always talking about the weather but never does anything about it.

“Zelda the Great” / “A Death Worse than Fate”
Written by Lorenzo Semple Jr.
Directed by Norman Foster
Season 1, Episodes 9 & 10
Production code 8705
Original air dates: February 9 & 10, 1966

The Bat-signal: The First National Bank is robbed by someone wearing a bulletproof vest that’s so strong it doesn’t even make an impact on the wearer when the guard tries to shoot the thief. This is an annual occurrence: every April Fool’s Day, an unknown bandit steals exactly $100,000 from somewhere in Gotham. After two years of this, the cops throw up their hands and call Batman.

Bruce, Dick, and Alfred are on the roof of Wayne Manor, peering through a telescope, so they don’t hear the Batphone. Luckily, this is the one and only time Gordon decides to try both the phone and the Bat-signal, and so the Dynamic Duo head off. (Oddly, they go in the back way, rather than pull up to GCPD HQ’s front door.)

They retrieved the bullet that ricocheted off the bulletproof vest, but the lab report turned up negative. Batman, Robin, Gordon, and O’Hara ponder the motives of a thief who only steals a hundred grand every April. O’Hara suggests that they’re stealing to pay their taxes, but Batman rejects the notion that a tax-paying citizen would resort to crime. O’Hara hangs his head in shame at that utterly ridiculous notion.

Since they don’t have a lead, Batman suggests they make a lead. (That’s not unethical at all!) He plants a story in the Gotham City Times that the money stolen was counterfeit.

Batman’s equipment finds multiple fibers on the bullet that somehow were completely missed by the GCPD lab. (Budget cuts?) It includes thirteen layers of multicolored silk, and also ambergris, which is used in perfume. They deduce that it must be a woman committing the robberies—and it’s not Catwoman, as she’s still in jail.

We cut to the Gnome Book Store, which is a front for Eivol Ekdol, an inventor. He is joined by Zelda the Great, the magician who moonlights as the April Fool’s thief in order to pay Ekdol for the equipment she uses in her act. Ekdol is livid at the newspaper report of the counterfeit money, especially since he has a fantastic escape act for her—the “Doom Trap.” He won’t tell her how she can escape from it until he gets paid. Since Batman and the police will be watching every bank in Gotham like hawks, Ekdol suggests she steal the Star of Samarkand, which will be on display.

Batman and Robin head to the shop where the Star is being displayed, replacing it with a fake that has a homing device inside. Batman, Robin, and a couple of undercover cops will be nearby, as is the Batmobile. But Zelda sees through the ruse, and sets a trap of her own, luring Aunt Harriet out of Wayne Manor with a story of Dick being hit with a baseball. Then, disguised as an elderly widow, she enters the jewelers, sprays purple gas from her cane, and when the smoke clears, she’s changed back into her trademark orange outfit and the emerald is gone.

The Dynamic Duo leap into action, but the image of Zelda is an illusion created by mirrors, and they find the fake Star ditched outside. Gordon then calls with the news that the aunt of Bruce Wayne’s ward has been kidnapped, with a ransom demand for $100,000—but nobody can find Wayne! (Big shock…)

Aunt Harriet is being held over a fire by Zelda, who calmly sits nearby knitting. Batman goes off to “find” Bruce Wayne, leaving Robin behind with Gordon and O’Hara—the latter having called every club a millionaire might be at. But then Bruce shows up, and Gordon brings him to a TV station, where they provide a phone number for the kidnapper to call. Zelda calls the number and is going to give ransom instructions, but first they inform her that the money she stole is actually quite real. She doesn’t need the $100,000 ransom because she actually has that amount already. (Outrage is also expressed that a woman would stoop to such trickery. Bruce, Robin, and Gordon are evasive on the relative morality of their own trickery, both with the fake Star and the fake story about the not-really-fake money.)

Zelda agrees to free Aunt Harriet, which she does so by leaving her blindfolded on a street corner. They get her home, and a doctor gives her a clean bill of health. Alfred feels guilty, as he was down in the Batcave when the fateful phone call arrived, although he makes up for it by producing a matchbook from the Gnome Book Store that fell out of Aunt Harriet’s pocket when they brought her home.

Bruce, however, does his butler one better—he knows that Zelda is the perpetrator. Batman and Robin zip down to the Batcave and hop into the Batmobile, where Batman explains how he figured out who it is. They already knew it was a female magician, but there are more than two dozen female magicians licensed to perform in Gotham. But the kidnapper’s description of Aunt Harriet’s peril perfectly matches that of the closing act Zelda the Great performed on Dick’s birthday the previous year.

At the Gnome Book Store, Ekdol admits that he has no idea how to escape from the Doom Trap. Ekdol’s plan is to put Batman in the trap; once the Caped Crusader figures out how to escape, they’ll know how to do it. And then they’ll kill him. Or, rather, the two hoods who have paid Ekdol for the privilege of killing Batman will kill him.

Zelda’s iffy on the killing part—the kidnapping and robbery was bad enough—but she also anticipated Ekdol’s (stupid) plan and planted the matchbook on Aunt Harriet. She expects Batman will be by any second.

The hoods hide in two sarcophagi with peepholes for their machine guns, while Ekdol and Zelda hide in the former’s control room. When the Dynamic Duo shows up, they are lured by a note to the back room, where they’ve left a fake bat in the Doom Trap. Batman and Robin walk right into the trap and Ekdol closes it and locks it with the hilariously large magnetic padlock.

Ekdol releases the gas, and they keep their heads down, as the gas is lighter than air, which means it must have hydrogen in it. So they can use their utility belts as a conductor for the electricity in the grille to cause the gas to explode, breaking them out.

Impressed by their bravery, Zelda warns them about their impending doom, and so they duck. The hoods wind up shooting each other dead, as the sarcophagi were facing each other. Oops.

They capture Ekdol, but Zelda surrenders on her own.

Some time later, Bruce visits Zelda at Gotham State Penitentiary. (Her prison outfit includes a pillbox hat in black-and-white stripes.) He’s impressed with Zelda’s saving Batman and Robin’s lives, and so he offers her a job doing magic at a children’s hospital after she serves her time.

Fetch the Bat-shark-repellant! We never do find out what exact tools Batman and Robin use to try to get out of the Doom Trap, but whatever it is (sounds like a bat-drill?) can’t get through the “jet-age plastic.” And he does use a bat-a-rang to klunk Ekdol on the head and takes Zelda away in bat-cuffs.

Holy #@!%$, Batman! When Bruce uses a lecture on Latin American Studies as a cover to abandon Aunt Harriet, Dick says, “Holy Venezuela!” Upon discovering the multiple layers of multicolored silk worn by the thief, Robin cries, “Holy rainbow!” Robin yells out a particularly enthusiastic “Holy Hallelujiah” after they come to terms with Zelda for Aunt Harriet’s release. Upon realizing that the bad guy is the same woman whom Dick saw perform on his birthday, he exclaims, “Holy birthday cake!” When they’re trapped in the Doom Trap, Robin cries, “Holy phone booth!” and when the gas is released, he laments, “Holy graveyard,” thinking this might be it. After the hoods shoot each other, he says, “Holy crossfire” (to which Batman responds, “Hoist on their own murderous petards”).

Gotham City’s finest. The cops have failed for two years to nail the April Fool’s thief. Also when Batman informs Gordon that the thief is a woman, the commissioner is shocked at the very notion of a female criminal, even though Robin just mentioned Catwoman a few minutes earlier.

Most embarrassing, though, is the crime lab. They find no traces of anything on the bullet, yet Batman’s able to find more than a dozen different fibers on it. You have to wonder if Bruce Wayne might have done more good for the war on crime if he donated some of his fancy-shmancy equipment to the cops, who are obviously woefully underequipped…

No sex, please, we’re superheroes. The woman who runs Stonewin Jewelers is dewey-eyed and captivated by the very presence of Batman and Robin. Later, so is Zelda, to the point where she gives Bruce Wayne a flower that she wishes him to give to Batman.

Special Guest Villainess. Academy Award-winning actor Anne Baxter plays Zelda. Baxter will return as Olga, Queen of the Cossacks in several season 3 episodes. Both Zsa Zsa Gabor and Bette Davis were considered for the role of Zelda; Gabor would eventually turn up as Minerva in the series finale, “Minerva, Mayhem, and Millionaires.”

Na-na na-na na-na na-na na. “Hello, criminals, wherever you are out there. Do you hear me, criminals?”

Gordon’s hilarious opening to his TV broadcast to Aunt Harriet’s unknown kidnapper.

Trivial matters: This episode was discussed on The Batcave Podcast episode 5 by host John S. Drew with special guest chum, Dan Persons of Cinefantastique Online, Mighty Movie Podcast, The Chronic Rift, and Hour of the Wolf.

This episode was adapted from “Batman’s Inescapable Doom-Trap” by John Broome, Sheldon Moldoff, and Joe Giella, in Detective Comics #346. In the original story the magician was a man named Carnado the Great.

Originally, this two-parter was to be called “The Inescapable Doom-Trap”/”Zelda Takes the Rap,” using the original comics story as the inspiration for Part 1’s title.

Catwoman is referenced, even though she won’t appear until later in the season.

This is a rare occasion when the cliffhanger doesn’t involve either of the Dynamic Duo being in danger, and an equally rare occasion when sound-effects-laden fisticuffs do not ensue.

One of the hoods is played by Victor French, who would later make a career out of standing next to Michael Landon on Little House on the Prairie and Highway to Heaven.

Alfred’s guilt over Aunt Harriet’s kidnapping is at least in part due to his changing his usual day to dust the Batcave from Wednesday, as there’s a TV show on Wednesday nights that he has become addicted to. Ahem.

Pow! Biff! Zowie! “Aw, c’mon, you crook, you can’t be all bad.” This story has a most interesting example of the hypocrisy of Batman.

I hear the shock from my noble readers even as I type this. There are incarnations of Batman that could be accused of such, but surely not the Adam West version! He is a paragon of virtue! He wouldn’t even park in a no-parking zone until a cop moved the sign away! He wouldn’t throw a bomb in a particular direction because he might hurt some ducks! He regularly lectures Robin on all sorts of nonsense!

And all that’s true. In fact, just a little while ago, in “The Joker is Wild”/”Batman is Riled,” one of those lectures was about the press, and how their job is to report the facts, not serve as the Dynamic Duo’s publicity agents. The point was that the press is where you get facts, not spin.

Yet here we are with Batman—having said that he’ll “make a lead,” which sounds pretty dodgy just on the face of it—asking the Gotham City Times to commit fraud. He asks them to print a lie in a major American newspaper and pass it off as truth. The very notion of a free press is compromised by Batman’s actions.

Then insult is added to the injury by putting a fake emerald out and telling Stonewin Jewelers to pass it off as the Star of Samarkand, thus lying to all the customers who came to look at this one-day-only display.

Now in most Batman stories in which the Caped Crusader employed such a tactic, I wouldn’t say a word. But this particular iteration of Batman is so self-righteous on the subject of what is right and what is wrong, what is proper and what isn’t. In this very two-parter, he expresses amazement at the very notion of a tax-paying citizen also being a criminal. Yet here’s Batman perpetuating a fraud. Shame, Caped Crusader, shame shame shame!

In any case, despite the title character’s horrid behavior, this is a fun story, partly because of the novelty of a female villain. Of particular note is that this is an early case of genderbending, as the magician in the original comics story was a man. Better still, Zelda is more than a match for Batman, since she proves herself an excellent schemer. She sees through the ruse with the Star of Samarkand, and still manages to steal the piece and kidnap Aunt Harriet. Later, she anticipates Ekdol’s (stupid) plan, and lured Batman to the bookstore before Ekdol even explained why he wanted Batman lured there.

I must admit to eliciting great glee from Ekdol’s hilarious plan: building a trap so amazing that the guy who built it can’t get out of it. But Batman’s so awesome that he can do it for him! It almost makes up for how awful Jack Kruschen is in the role with his not-very-Albanian Albanian accent…

Best of all, though, is that the story doesn’t rely on a lot of the show’s worst crutches: very few bat-devices, no leaps to unconvincing conclusions, and they escape from the Doom Trap by using their brains, not an oh-so-convenient device in the utility belt.

Bat-rating: 8

Keith R.A. DeCandido is at 2050 Events this weekend in Daytona Beach, Florida. He will have a table where he’ll be selling and signing books, and also be doing some programming, including a Farscape panel with Gigi “Chiana” Edgley. His full schedule is here.

“A Riddle a Day Keeps the Riddler Away”/ “When the Rat’s Away the Mice Will Play”
Written by Fred De Gorter
Directed by Tom Gries
Season 1, Episodes 11 and 12
Production code 8711
Original air dates: February 16 and 17, 1966

The Bat-signal: King Boris of, er, some country or other has landed at Gotham City International Airport. A woman doing Madeline cosplay approaches him and hands him a set of roses, proving that whatever country he’s the king of, they have crappy security for their heads of state. The flowers explode in a barrage of fireworks, a recording of the Riddler’s giggle, and a sign that reads, “When is a person like a piece of wood?” (Wah-hey!) The GCPD is, of course, helpless before this baffling riddle, so they call Batman.

Alfred interrupts his polishing of the bat-pole (wah-HEY!) to answer and summon Bruce and Dick, the former having just beaten the latter at chess. They slide down the newly polished bat-poles and head to police HQ. Robin solves the riddle: that a person is like a piece of wood when he’s a ruler, showing that a) he doesn’t have a dirty mind and b) plastic rulers weren’t very common in 1966. Gordon figures it has something to do with King Boris, and Robin makes the leap in logic that it has to do with the chess competition with a $25,000 reward, but Batman thinks that’s too small potatoes.  The king’s itinerary includes the Miss Galaxy competition and an appearance at the Queen of Freedom monument. Both involve queens, who are also rulers—the Miss Galaxy winner gets a tiara made of diamonds and emeralds.

Cut to the lowest-budget beauty pageant in the history of the world—seriously, I’ve seen high school auditoriums more sophisticated than where they hold this pageant—and Batman and Robin are backstage observing the pageant, waiting for the Riddler to strike and checking out the ass on the contestant at stage right. The winner, a busty blonde with an aggressively worked-on tan, is crowned, and then the Riddler pops up from a trapdoor in the stage and steals her tiara. Batman and Robin stand with their thumbs in their ears, but it turns out it was for a reason: they replaced the tiara with a fake, that also has a homing transmitter.

They race to the Batmobile, but then the Riddler pops out of the sewers to say he knew it was a fake all along, and gives him a new riddle: What room can no one enter? Then he tosses them the fake tiara, which has another riddle attached to it. Riddler gets away—easy to do when Batman and Robin again sit with their thumbs in their ears, not moving until after he escapes into the sewer. They open the second riddle: What is the beginning of eternity, the end of time and space, the beginning of every end, and the end of every race? (Except the piece of paper has bad punctuation—missing a comma and no question mark at the end. Shame on you, Riddler!)

They go to the Batcave. The first riddle’s answer is a mushroom (okay, sure), and so Robin looks up the Royal Mushroom Club. (Seriously?) Robin’s about to look it up on the bat-computer, but then Batman chastises him by channeling cranky old people in the 1990s by saying that he should just use the phone book instead of the computer, and Robin apologizes for being so lazy. At no point do they ever actually solve the riddle that was in the tiara, the answer to which is the letter E.

The Riddler’s current henchmen are the River Rat Gang (including Mousey, the woman who gave Boris the flowers), who are slicing cheese with the world’s most ungainly cheese slicer, when the Riddler gloats that Plan 13Z will be a great crime.

King Boris is hosting a reception at the Royal Mushroom Club. He is offered a tour of the wine cellar, which he is very excited about—he analogizes it to a little boy being shown expensive bicycles. Okay, then. But the steward who invites him to the wine cellar is one of the River Rat Gang. Batman and Robin show up and warn King Boris that he’s in great danger. The king poo-poohs the notion two seconds before he’d kidnapped through another trapdoor. (This city is chock full of them…) The Riddler has left two more riddles: How much dirt is in a hole three acres square and two hundred feet deep? (None—it’s a hole.) What won’t run long without winding? (A river.)

They go to the Batcave, where Batman has elaborate drawings of sections of Gotham City scanned into the Bat-computer. At one of the bends in the river is the now-closed Gotham Water and Power Plant, which is three acres square and two hundred feet deep. At the plant, where the king is all tied up, the Riddler assures Boris that he will return him unharmed to Gotham once he’s lured Batman and Robin to their doom. (One of the River Rat Gang offers Boris some cheese, but he refuses on account of there’s no port.)

Batman and Robin arrive and, naturally, climb the wall of the power plant. Batman reminds Robin that the most important thing is to reassure the world that anyone may visit the United States and be safe: it’s the essence of our democracy, which is news to me, as I always thought one-person-one-vote was the essence of democracy, but never mind. They break in on the Riddler, but the criminal was ready for them, dropping a sticky net right on them. They’re then tied to two drive shafts that will spin fast enough to tear Batman and Robin to pieces. He leaves them with a final riddle: When is a woman in love like a welder?

Riddler then leaves them to spin wildly (or rather for their spectacularly unconvincing stunt dummies to spin wildly), and then the mechanism shorts out. (Batman somehow managed to free his hand from the net and use a torch to damage the mechanism.) Batman very dizzily frees himself and then unties Robin. The unsteady heroes head out.

Back at his hideout, the Riddler gloats over his triumph over Batman and Robin. He asks the River Rat Gang what is it that is always coming but never arrives? The answer is “tomorrow.”

King Boris reports what happened to Gordon, and then Batman calls Gordon and tells him to keep it quiet that the two of them are still alive. The presentation of the miniature replica of the Queen of Freedom by King Boris is being broadcast on live television. The king presents the replica, which is placed in the Museum of Fame, located in the Queen of Freedom’s torch. The TV host then shows off some other items in the museum, including a model of the old commodities building, a bust of Gotham’s first mayor, and a really terrible painting of Batman and Robin.

Mousey—now back in the Madeline outfit—places a small explosive in a police callbox, which draws attention to the note she’s also left: a ransom demand for a million dollars, or the Riddler will blow up the Queen of Freedom. Batman suggests they give in to the ransom demand, but the City Council won’t meet until the next day, after the Riddler’s deadline, so there’s no way to get that kind of cash. Batman suggests a private source, and it’s Gordon who actually suggests Bruce Wayne.

Bruce, claiming ignorance of what it’s about, gladly hands over the money, showing uncharacteristic behavior for a millionaire. And while he meets with Gordon, “Batman” climbs in the window—one of the River Rat Gang wears a Batsuit—and tells Gordon to let Batman and Robin handle the money delivery, with no cops around. Bruce, knowing it’s a fake, tells Gordon that it’s a good idea. Luckily, Gordon’s not quite as stupid as he seems. He saw through the disguise, but said nothing because he wanted to keep Bruce safe from danger.

In the Batcave, Batman finds Robin fiddling around with the atomic pile (yeeeeeeeep) because he thought he heard some rumbling and wants to make sure there isn’t anything wrong (YEEEEEEEP!). Batman pulls him off that to help solve the last riddle: a woman in love is like a welder because they both carry a torch. The bomb is in the torch, placed in the replica when King Boris was Riddler’s prisoner. (They show a rather appalling lack of concern for the possibility of their friggin atomic pile malfunctioning, but whatever…)

Riddler and the River Rat Gang wait in the torch room while the cops leave Bruce’s bag of filthy lucre, and then depart, enabling Riddler to enact Plan 136AAA. He picks up the money, and then goes to deactivate the bomb—but the replica is gone! In its place is a note, in which Batman totally trolls Riddler by leaving him a riddle: what squeals louder than a caught rat? The answer: several caught rats.

The Dynamic Duo then strike a blow for art lovers everywhere by jumping through the painting, destroying it. Fisticuffs ensue, damaging a considerable amount of artwork in the process, and the bad guys are hauled off to jail.

Later, back at Wayne Manor, Aunt Harriet announces that she’s bringing some out-of-town friends to see the Queen of Freedom monument. She invites Bruce and Dick along, but that’s the last place they want to go.

Fetch the Bat-shark-repellant! They use the very conveniently located Homing Receiver Scope on the Batmobile dashboard to try to trace the Riddler. The Batcave also has a computer with a weird ergonomic keyboard that can summon up elaborately drawn images of Gotham City rather than photographs for some reason.

Holy #@!%$, Batman! Not a particularly religious pair of episodes, as we’ve only got two holies: In “A Riddle a Day…,” when the Riddler pops out of a sewer cover, Robin says, “Holy sewer pipe!” Upon realizing the bomb is in the torch of the Queen of Freedom in “When the Rat’s Away…,” he cries, “Holy conflagration!”

Gotham City’s finest. While the GCPD is initially stumped for hours by a riddle that a teenager who avoids his algebra homework solves in half a second, they generally perform better than usual this week. In particular I’m grateful that Gordon saw through the fake Batman.  

No sex, please, we’re superheroes. Mousey says that Batman and Robin are kinda cute, even though they’re on the other side of the fence.

Also, I never noticed this until Alfred was polishing them, but Bruce’s bat-pole is much thicker than Dick’s. Ahem.  

Special Guest Villain. Frank Gorshin is the show’s first returning villain, back after having survived the explosion at the end of “Smack in the Middle.” When he thinks he’s killed the Dynamic Duo, he expresses glee at the fact that he did what the Joker, Mr. Freeze, and Penguin couldn’t.

Na-na na-na na-na na-na na. “Gee, I never met royalty before. It’s pretty thrilling.”

“Royalty? You’ve never met royalty? And just whom do you think stands before you, my cherub? I am the prince of puzzlers! The count of conundrums! The king of crime!”

Mousey forgetting that she met royalty earlier in the episode when she gave him flowers at the airport, and the Riddler showing his skill with alliteration.  

Trivial matters: This episode was discussed on The Batcave Podcast episode 6 by host John S. Drew with special guest chum, your humble rewatcher! Yes, it was me talking with John about this episode on the podcast…

The cliffhanger this time says that the next episode will be tomorrow, same time (without prefix), but same bat-channel. I had honestly forgotten how long it took them to settle on the iconic “same bat-time, same bat-channel” thing in both voiceover and text.

While the show filmed in Los Angeles, and any outdoor shots were done there, they would often use New York City as the background whenever it was blue-screened in or stock footage was employed. Gotham City has traditionally been a stand-in for either New York City or Chicago, and the former seems to be the primary model in the TV series, as the Queen of Freedom, complete with torch, is an obvious stand-in for the Statue of Liberty (though the torch interior of Lady Liberty doesn’t have a museum and is way smaller).

Reginald Denny plays King Boris. He’ll return in the Batman movie as Commodore Schmidlapp, which would be his final role before his death in 1967.

Mousey is played by Susan Silo, who switched to voice acting in 1974 and never looked back, having worked extensively in voiceover work in the intervening 40 years, most recently as Yin on Legend of Korra and Nettie Pisghetti in Curious George. She was also Jungle Janet on The Tick and Dr. Karbunkle on both iterations of Biker Mice from Mars.

Pow! Biff! Zowie! “One bad turn deserves another.” This episode, and The Batcave Podcast, are kinda responsible for this rewatch. See, when my cohort on The Chronic Rift podcast, John S. Drew (also one of my oldest friends) started up TBP, he cast around to the various Rift regulars to serve as second commentor, and I jumped at a Riddler episode because I always loved Frank Gorshin’s giggling bad guy the best. John assigned me to this one.

It was, honestly, the first time I’d watched the 1966 Batman in a dog’s age. I had long avoided it as a campy relic of my youth, but I found myself falling in love with it all over again. As a child, I just viewed as fun. As a young adult, I dismissed it as absurd. As an older adult, I’ve circled back around to fun again.

And this episode is pretty much a quintessential Batman episode. The GCPD are stymied by simple detective work, Batman and Robin make stunning leaps in logic to track down a villain who’s so caught up in his gimmick he sows the seeds of his own defeat. I mean, think about it, if the Riddler just went ahead and committed the crimes, he’d be in much better shape. He could’ve stolen the Miss Galaxy tiara and kidnapped King Boris while Bruce and Dick were still playing chess.

But ultimately what makes the episode shine is the same thing that makes every Riddler appearance but one shine: Frank Gorshin. He’s just as manic and gleefully insane as he was last time. The screen just lights up when he’s on it. Which is good, as the riddles aren’t as much fun this time, and to make matters worse there’s one that winds up not being solved nor having anything to do with the plot….

Also, the cliffhanger is spectacularly lame, as it happens entirely off-camera in “A Riddle a Day…” and thus does nothing to make our hero look resourceful, instead making the writer look lazy. It’s the first time we don’t really see how the cliffhanger is resolved, and it just feels horribly anticlimactic. (It doesn’t help that the dummies used for the rotating scenes are incredibly obviously fake.)  

Bat-rating: 8

Keith R.A. DeCandido has a bunch of things out now or being released very soon: “Back in El Paso My Life Will be Worthless” in The X-Files: Trust No One (now available in trade paperback, eBook, or audio), “Streets of Fire” in V-Wars: Night Terrors (now available in audio, paperback and eBook available for preorder), “Send in the Clones” in The Side of Good/The Side of Evil (paperback and eBook available for preorder), and the Stargate SG-1 novel Kali’s Wrath (on sale soon).

“The Thirteenth Hat” / “Batman Stands Pat”
Written by Charles Hoffman
Directed by Norman Foster
Season 1, Episodes 13 and 14
Production code 8719
Original air dates: February 23 and 24, 1966

The Bat-signal: A chef reports for work in a very low-rent kitchen, when the Mad Hatter and two of his goons burst in on him. He steals the chef’s hat—thanks to the Lenny Henry show Chef! I will always think of a chef’s hat as a “culinary condom“—and then uses the super-instant mesmerizer in his big-ass top hat to render the chef unconscious. He does the same to a man wearing a deerstalker on a street corner, and the manager of a silver shop.

Gordon and O’Hara muse on these hat-related crimes, which he really and truly says are happening “right under our noses,” making me wish O’Hara said, “Well, technically, sir, they’re happening over our noses ’cause that’s where you’ll be wearin’ a hat,” but he didn’t, and I was sad. Strangely, Gordon’s main concern seems to be for the hats, even though the Hatter is also kidnapping people…

Anyhow, Jervis Tetch, a.k.a. the Mad Hatter, has been released on parole, and is immediately going after people and their hats. Gordon, of course, calls Batman. This handily gets Bruce and Dick out of the Gotham City Society Tea Tasting, where Aunt Harriet is struggling with whether or not to lead with oolong or pekoe. While Bruce is apparently an expert in Italian marble sculpture, he knows diddly about tea, and gives Harriet no useful advice.

They bop off to GCPD HQ, where we are told that the Hatter threatened Batman with revenge after the Cowled Crusader (Gordon calls him that instead of “Caped,” as this is a Mad Hatter episode, and therefore his cowl is more important than his cape this time ’round) testified against him in court. How someone who refuses to reveal his real name on the record can possibly testify in a court of law is left as an exercise for the viewer. (Seriously, how does that work? “State your name for the record, please.” “I’m Batman.” “First or last name?”)

Gordon gets a call saying that the fire chief, and his shiny red hat, have been taken. Batman and Robin head out, and O’Hara says to clear all exits for the Batmobile. Why this is necessary when the Batmobile is parked on the street is also left as an exercise for the viewer.

The Hatter has placed hats on dummies that represent the twelve jurors at his trial. He has eleven of them, with two more to go—the twelfth juror, but also Batman’s cowl. His moll, Lisa, admires the notion, but his two thugs are wondering when they’ll get paid. The Hatter then shows off the death trap in his hat factory—all stuff used to make hats, but which will kill a person, like, say, Batman.

He then reveals that the people he’s kidnapped are the actual jurors in his trial. He plans to ransom them for all the president’s hats, currently on display at a local museum, and worth millions.

Batman and Robin question the hat-check girl, Babette, at the event where the fire chief was kidnapped. They then follow up on a sighting of the Hatter at Maison Magda, a hat shop where Lisa works as saleswoman. However, they arrive too late to keep the Hatter from kidnapping Madam Magda, who was also on the jury.

Lisa hands Batman a business card that the kidnapper “dropped.” They take it back to the Batcave. It has the name of a sculptor, Octave Marbot, who is making a statue of Batman to put in the prison to inspire the prisoners. Robin says that’s a great idea, which is the opposite of what’s true. (Seriously, all that’ll do is remind the prisoners why they’re there…) They determine that the pattern of places where the people were kidnapped, as well as Marbot’s studio make the shape of a top-hat on a Gotham City map.

The Hatter goes to Marbot’s studio, hits him with the mesmerizer, and then takes his place, wearing his beret and smock and a very obviously fake beard. Batman and Robin arrive, and the Hatter greets them posing as Marbot with the worst French accent in the history of humanity.

“Marbot” then asks if Batman would take the time for a sitting, but Batman doesn’t have time. He does agree to loan “Marbot” his cowl so he can adjust the head. They go into the dressing room, ostensibly for him to remove the cowl in private and Robin can bring it out to the sculptor. However, Batman saw through the ruse, not because he’s met Marbot and Tetch looks and sounds nothing like him, but because the real Marbot was quite happy with the head of the statue and wouldn’t need to adjust it. Right. Once they determine that the real Marbot is safe, fisticuffs ensue. Batman and Robin take down the Hatter’s thugs, but when the Hatter tries to use his mesmerizer on Batman, he uses a mirror to reflect it away—

—but right at Robin! The Boy Wonder falls to the floor, and Batman’s so devastated that the Hatter easily throws him into the wall right under the hardening plaster dispenser, which drenches Batman in wet plaster that is hardening fast.

The Hatter forces Marbot to cut away the head of the newly formed Bat statue so he can have a mold of the cowl. He’s tied Robin to a marble horse and sends one thug out to steal the Batmobile. However, Batman—who apparently can hold his breath for as long as it takes to tie up Robin and chip away at a statue—just held his breath and then broke out when Marbot’s chipping weakened the plaster enough for Batman to physically break through.

The Hatter and his thugs try to get away in the Batmobile, but the same anti-theft device that got the Riddler gets them, and they run away on foot instead. They get away by virtue of Batman taking the time to dust himself off and offer to help Marbot clean up his shop.

They return to the Batcave. The Hatter mentioned the cowl as being his thirteenth hat. It turns out six other people have been reported to be kidnapped along with their headgear. Batman and Robin speculate as to what comes in twelves, but there are too many possible answers, so they consult the computer. Eventually, they figure out that the Hatter is taking the jurors at his trial.

Gordon fetches the list of jurors, and the last name is Turkey Bowinkle. Yes, really. Batman sends Alfred to Bowinkle’s Bowling Alley in order to slip a tracer on his hat. Alfred poses as a genealogist, contriving a ridiculous excuse to look at his hat, but Bowinkle—who’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer—won’t let him see it. Lisa then arrives, distracting Bowinkle with her hotness. Alfred, realizing he no longer has a captive audience, pays for his drink and leaves, using Lisa’s distraction to check out Bowinkle’s office and put the tracer on the hat.

Lisa, of course, is there for the Hatter, claiming to be a reporter for a fashion magazine that has listed him as the best-hatted man in Gotham. He tells her it’s in the office, and she signals the Hatter, who arrives in Bowinkle’s office right after Alfred has placed the tracer in the bowler’s bowler. The Hatter takes the hat and confronts Bowinkle. They struggle briefly for the bowler, which reveals the tracer, and then the Hatter mesmerizes Bowinkle, taking him away.

The Hatter leaves the tracer on the bowler in the hopes of trapping Batman, and it works. The Dynamic Duo climb the wall and burst through the window, but the Hatter and the thugs get the drop on them. They’re led at gunpoint to the hat factory, but Batman manages to use a nearby scarf to get the drop right back on them, and fisticuffs ensue. At one point, Robin is knocked out, and put on the conveyer belt of the hat factory—yet he goes through the rabbit shearer and the blades without being hurt before Batman frees him. In the end, Batman kicks the Hatter into the acid cleaner, from which he emerges completely unscathed, but somewhat dazed.

Later, Bruce and Dick take Harriet to Madam Magda’s to buy her a hat for her birthday, probably by way of making up for being kidnapped and losing her saleswoman to prison.

Fetch the Bat-shark-repellant! It’s the triumphant return of the Giant Lighted Lucite Map of Gotham City! I love the Giant Lighted Lucite Map of Gotham City! The Giant Lighted Lucite Map of Gotham City is the best! We also have the Anti-Mesmerizing Bat Reflector (which is, basically, a mirror) and a Bat-tracer, which they follow with the Detect-a-Scope in the Batmobile. At one point, we get a look at the International Frequency Computer, which they don’t use, but there’s the Anti-Crime Computer, which leads them to figure out that the jury’s been kidnapped.

Holy #@!%$, Batman! When the fire chief is kidnapped, Robin cries, “Holy helmets!” He says “Holy switcheroo” when he realizes that the Hatter has disguised himself as Marbot. Just as he falls to the reflected mesmerizer, he mutters, “Holy ricochet.” At the revelation that Batman held his breath, a stunned Robin cries, “Holy frog-man!” while the later revelation that the Hatter found the tracer in Bowinkle’s hat prompts a “Holy bowler!”

Gotham City’s finest. Gordon acquires the list of jurors in the Hatter’s trial. He’s staring right at it, yet he has no idea why Batman would want it, even though eleven of the twelve names on it are the same as the eleven people who’ve been kidnapped. Dumbass.

No sex, please, we’re superheroes. Lisa is completely smitten with the Hatter, to the point of fawning, and Babette the hat-check girl and Hermione Monteagle are equally smitten with Batman, who remains utterly oblivious to their drooling.

Special Guest Villain. David Wayne debuts the Mad Hatter. He’ll return to the role in season 2’s “The Contaminated Cowl” / “The Mad Hatter Runs Afowl,” also written by Charles Hoffman.

Na-na na-na na-na na-na na. “I’m a practical man.”

The Mad Hatter’s line shortly before he discusses his plan to ransom twelve people for a hat collection.

Trivial matters: This episode was discussed on The Batcave Podcast episode 7 by host John S. Drew with special guest chum, Linda-Ali Cruz.

For the first time, both the voiceover and the text use “Same Bat-time, same Bat-channel!” for the cliffhanger.

This episode borrowed bits from several comic book appearances of the Mad Hatter: Detective Comics #230 by Bill Finger & Sheldon Moldoff, Batman #161 by Dave Wood & Moldoff, and Batman #49 by Finger.

The Mad Hatter who appears in this episode is based on the second villain to call himself that, who first appeared in the aforementioned Detective #230 in 1956—he even used the same name as the original Hatter (who first appeared in Batman #49 in 1948). Later (some fifteen years after this episode aired), it was revealed that the second Tetch was an impostor and the original took the moniker back. The second Hatter recently appeared as “Hatman” in Batman #700.

Diane McBain, who plays Lisa, will return in the Green Hornet crossover episodes “A Piece of the Action”/”Batman’s Satisfaction” as Pinky Pinkston.

Pow! Biff! Zowie! “How could I have been so stupid?” Aspects of this episode work rather well. David Wayne is obviously having a grand old time as the Hatter—or, rather, Jervis Tetch. This is the second code-named villain whose real name is also revealed, but unlike Mr. Freeze (a.k.a. Dr. Art Schivel) whose name is only mentioned once or twice, this one is used as often as the Lewis Carroll-inspired sobriquet, probably because “Jervis Tetch” is fun to say out loud.

Anyhow, Wayne is fun, and I really like Diane McBain’s performance as Lisa. Unlike all the previous molls who were either bored young women in it for kicks or good women led astray by the lure of evil, Lisa is a total sociopath. She takes absolute glee in observing how the hat factory deathtrap works, and just in general is an eager participant in the Hatter’s schemes. (More so than the two thugs, who are mostly peeved that they haven’t gotten paid. Then again, Lisa actually has a day job…)

Unfortunately, the storyline has lots of nonsensical stuff, even by this show’s high standards. It starts with the emphasis on hats being stolen, with the actual people being kidnapped as an afterthought. At the start when Gordon gets the report, all the way through to later when Batman calls Gordon for an update, everyone’s emphasizing the haberdashery and not the kidnapping. Hell, in most cases, you probably can’t even tell the hats were also taken (viz. the chef, who was wearing the thing when he was taken). The general lack of concern for people is kind of appalling.

So is the policework. At least Batman is kind enough to admit to being stupid when he finally cottons to what the kidnap victims all have in common, but Gordon doesn’t figure it out when he’s staring at a list of the jurors.

And finally, we get a truly awesome deathtrap—and it’s not the cliffhanger! And when it is used, it doesn’t work! Seriously, Robin lays on it and then is not skinned or sliced, even though he goes right through those two parts of the deathtrap. Lame.

Bat-rating: 6

Keith R.A. DeCandido‘s latest work is an essay that lists the top ten good things about the Star Wars prequel trilogy in A Long Time Ago: Exploring the Star Wars Cinematic Universe, just released by Sequart. Yes, he actually found ten.

“The Joker Goes to School” / “He Meets His Match, the Grisly Ghoul”
Written by Lorenzo Semple Jr.
Directed by Murray Golden
Season 1, Episodes 15 & 16
Production code 8715
Original air dates: March 2 & 3, 1966

The Bat-signal: We open at 3:09pm at Woodrow Roosevelt High School. The basketball team and the cheerleaders are both practicing in the gym. Also in the gym, Dick is lifting weights. After they run their routine, the cheerleaders are thirsty, so they go to a vending machine that dispenses milk—

—except this one instead gives out piles of silver dollars. Gordon suspects that this totally pointless and victimless crime is the work of the Joker, though to be fair, he has a legitimate concern that the Joker is targeting the youth of Gotham for a more nefarious purpose.

The Bat-phone interrupts the latest in a series of implorations by a city politician to convince Bruce to run for mayor, especially now with the water shortage and the regular blackouts. (They ask him every two years. He always declines, saying his charitable work with the Wayne Foundation requires that he stay above the fray of politics.) Batman heads to the Batmobile solo, as Dick is still at school—so he’s already at the scene of the crime.

Gordon shows Batman some paperwork on his arrival: Joker was released from prison a week ago and immediately bought up the One-Armed Bandit Novelty Company, which makes pinball machines, vending machines, and the like. The people who installed the milk machines have clean records, and they’re just as confused about what happened as everyone else.

They’re interrupted by a call from Principal Schoolfield. The candy machine in the library is now dispensing negotiable stocks and bonds. Batman asks that he call a meeting with the student council (the president of which just happens to be a very bright young lad named Richard Grayson), and he’ll be there shortly.

Dick is at the principal’s office, along with the rest of the student council: Susie (one of the cheerleaders), Pete, and Herbie. The other three are arguing that if you get free money from a vending machine, what’s the point of studying? Everyone’s goofing off. Dick, though, argues that they’re supposed to be student leaders and know better. But then Susie gets a coffee from Schoolfield’s office’s vending machine that has a pile of quarters instead of coffee in the cup. Susie also points out that Dick’s the ward of a millionaire, so he doesn’t appreciate how much this free money means to normal folks (a very legitimate point), though Dick denies that that has anything to do with it.

Batman arrives at the school, where a mob comes to see Robin, only to find out that he’s in school also, though Batman can’t say where to preserve his “secret true identity” (from the Department of Multiple Redundancies Department). He lectures the student council about the Joker, saying that he’s trying to convince the students to abandon their studies and drop out because they don’t need to worry about money anymore, and dropouts are a fertile source for recruitment to be criminals.

At a bar, a drunken customer puts a dime in the jukebox, but instead of the latest 45, it plays the Joker’s voice saying it’s a stickup, and the front opens to reveal a remote-controlled rifle. While the customers put up their hands in fear of being shot, two thugs with stockings on their heads raid the cash register.

Back at the school, Batman is showing the council slides of the Joker—but then the Joker himself appears behind the projection screen, giggling away. Joker says there’s no proof that he gimmicked the vending machines—but Pete points out that he’s loitering on school property, so Batman whips out the Bat-cuffs to arrest him for that. However, he has to have been on school property for more than two minutes, which isn’t up yet—and before it is, he departs, leaving Batman stymied by his jailhouse lawyering.

The Bat-phone beeps, and Batman runs out to the Batmobile to answer it: Gordon tells him about the bar getting hit. But the Joker has an alibi: Batman, who just saw him at the school. Batman surreptitiously tells Dick to fake a headache, go home, and meet him in the Batcave, then—after pleading with the kids to stick to their studies, as nothing in life is free—zooms off to the bar.

The Joker returns to his HQ to meet up with his thugs—both high-school dropouts. Nick is counting the loot while Two-Bits has rigged a bowling game to emit gas on a third strike.

Then Susie shows up—turns out she’s part of the gang, too, working on Joker’s behalf at the school. Using her position on the student council—which apparently comes automatically with being head cheerleader (yes, really)—she has stolen exams from Schoolfield’s safe. But she won’t turn them over until Joker pays her: a rhinestone bracelet, a huge-ass bottle of imported Mexican perfume, and a fox stole.

Batman returns to the Batcave, having found no evidence at the bar. Batman is convinced that the school is a big part of it, so they decide to stake it out. They arrive to a darkened school (it being night-time and all), but Susie is also present, gimmicking Schoolfield’s coffee machine again. She calls Joker (the call sign is “How do you stop a dog from barking in July?” to which the countersign is “Shoot him in June”) and tells him that the Dynamic Duo has shown up at Woodrow Roosevelt. The Joker gives her instructions.

When the pair run into the school, they see Susie, who tells them that she saw a suspicious character in the gym. Robin thinks the milk machine has again been tampered with. Batman puts a dime in, and then the machine shackles their legs and hits them with knockout gas. They’re placed in the back of a gimmicked truck that the One-Armed Bandit Novelty Company apparently made for a Central American dictator, who was deposed before delivery. Batman and Robin are shackled to electric chairs that are hooked up to a slot machine. If the machine comes up three lemons, they’ll be hit with 50,000 volts of electricity. (The other options are three Liberty bells, which gets them their freedom and $50,000 cash, and three oranges, which just gets them their freedom.)

However, before the third lemon can come up, the power goes out (“Just like New York!” Joker cries in anguish, and also just like was mentioned earlier). They then hear sirens, and so Joker decides that discretion is the better part of valor and cheeses it. Batman and Robin are freed by those selfsame cops, and they head to police HQ, which is lit by candlelight. Batman had a microphone on him, which was recording everything on a tape recorder at the Batmobile. While it’s not evidence that will hold up in court (Joker used a voice-disguising microphone to talk to the Dynamic Duo from the front of the truck), Batman can determine the voiceprint patterns in the Batcave.

By morning, the power’s back in Gotham, and Batman and Robin listen to the tape. Robin is utterly devastated to learn that Susie is part of the Joker’s gang. Batman tells Robin that Dick Grayson is going to have to go undercover in the Joker’s gang.

So Dick shows up at the Easy Living Candy Store, where the cool kids hang out on days off, wearing a leather jacket and dark gloves, to show that he’s a badass now. He sets up a minicamera, which Batman picks up on the Bat-scope in the Batmobile (though what Batman sees is from a completely different angle from where Dick put the camera), and talks to Susie and Nick. He plays the role unconvincingly, saying that Bruce Wayne is a skinflint, and that he has to steal dimes from the butler for cigarette money. Nick offers him a cigarette, but Dick declines, saying he’s already smoked two packs today. Before Susie can offer him a place in the gang (citing his athletic skills), Nick tells him to go to the bar that got robbed, where he’ll be able to get plenty of money around 3pm. Susie doesn’t understand why he blew Dick off like that, but Nick saw through the disguise, easily able to tell that Dick’s never smoked a cigarette in his life.

Batman tells Dick that he did great. They head to the bar.

Joker, meanwhile, sets up the jukebox to entrap Dick. He then gives Susie a bottle of Canadian perfume, but tells her not to use it until she restocks the milk machine at the school.

At the bar, Robin puts a dime in the jukebox right at 3pm, just as Nick indicated. The rifle comes out and Joker shoots at Batman and Robin, but they hide behind the Bat-shield, and then the jukebox explodes. Batman actually saw it coming, because he also saw how inept Dick was with the cigarette. Now their concern is Susie: Someone would only go in undercover to talk to Susie if they knew she was part of the gang, which means her life is in danger.

They head to the school. There’s a big game tonight, Woodrow Roosevelt versus Disko Tech (yes, really), and Robin figures Susie will be there getting last-minute practice in. Roosevelt is favored 20-1 in the game, and we hear Joker placing a $50,000 bet with his bookie on Disko Tech.

Batman and Robin arrive at the school and try to convince Susie to turn herself in, but she rebuffs them, going where they dare not: the girls’ locker room. But she can’t resist gloating, so she pokes her head out long enough to say bye-bye and put on some of her new Canadian perfume—which then renders her unconscious, as it’s poisonous.

Two-Bits reports to Joker that he saw them load Susie into a meat wagon from the morgue, with Robin bawling his eyes out. Joker expresses his grief by giving Nick a trick cigar.

Back at the school, the basketball team is determined to win the game for Susie. They stop at the milk machine, but instead of milk, they get the answers to an upcoming state test. Joker, Nick, and Two-Bits show up with a camera, taking pictures of the team holding the answers, exposing them as cheats. They’ll be suspended and unable to play against Disko Tech, leaving the scrubs to play in their place.

But Joker’s betting scheme is done in by Batman and Robin’s universal antidote pills, which saved Susie’s life. In exchange, she revealed the crime, so Batman and Robin put fake answers in the milk machine.

Fisticuffs ensue, and Batman and Robin are triumphant after a Bat-a-rang to Joker’s head. Batman admonishes the basketball team to stick to their studies, as this (Joker unconscious) is the end result of easy living.

Susie goes off to jail—though it’s a juvenile detention center run by the Wayne Foundation, and Bruce even sends her there by chauffeur. Susie is repentant, and Dick promises to mail her every new cheer as it’s created.

Fetch the Bat-shark-repellant! We’re introduced to quite possibly the most ridiculous piece of Bat-equipment, the Bat-shield! The massive ungainly Bat-shield that takes forever to unfold and deploy and which, even when folded into quarters, couldn’t possibly fit anywhere on Batman’s person!

Batman uses a Bat-megaphone to talk to the schoolkids who try to rush the Batmobile. The Batmobile also comes equipped with an Anti-Crime Recorder (which is just an ordinary tape recorder) and a Remote Radio Pick-Up (an antenna), through which they record the incident at the school, which is then run through the Anti-Crime Voice Analyzer in the Batcave. The Batcave also has its own power source. Finally, we get the triumphant return of the universal antidote pills, last seen in the Joker’s prior appearance, “The Joker is Wild”/”Batman is Riled.”

Holy #@!%$, Batman! When the Joker appears behind the projection screen, Dick cries out, “Holy magician!” While struggling with his algebra homework, specifically the x and y variables, Robin grumbles, “Holy alphabet!” When he and Batman wake up in the electric chair tethered to a slot machine, Robin cries, “Holy Las Vegas!” and after finding out that three lemons get them electrocuted, he mutters, “Holy fruit salad.” Upon learning the devastating news that Susie is part of the Joker’s gang, he laments, “Holy Benedict Arnold!” After they’re shot by the jukebox, he says, “Holy hailstorm!” Upon realizing that Susie’s life is in danger, he utters the rather unimpressive, “Holy murder!” He cries, “Holy New Year’s Eve!” when the Joker gets him in his streamers.

But it’s not just Robin being holy this time ’round. In the recap of “The Joker Goes to School” at the top of “He Meets His Match, the Grisly Ghoul,” William Dozier says, “Holy cow juice!” when they show the part where the milk machine dispenses silver dollars. And when the cops find the Dynamic Duo in the back of the truck, one officer cries, “Holy smoke!” at which point Robin says that if they don’t free them before the power comes back on, they really will be holy smoke (har har).

Gotham City’s finest. Gordon continues to be mostly useless—he’s gobsmacked by the very notion of voiceprints, though that could just be him not being up on newfangled technology (spectrograms were still relatively new in 1966)—but his officers comport themselves quite well. In fact, it’s the cops who rescue Batman and Robin from Joker’s cliffhanger deathtrap.

No sex, please, we’re superheroes. Nick tries hitting on Susie, but she tartly informs him that she became a crook to get the finer things in life. (Burn!) Dick is also obviously sweet on Susie, and she rewards him with a kiss before going to the detention center.

Special Guest Villain. Cesar Romero is back as the Joker, making him the second villain (after the Riddler) to make a return appearance, following “The Joker is Wild”/”Batman is Riled.” He’ll be back one more time in this first season, in “The Joker Trumps an Ace”/”Batman Sets the Pace.”

Na-na na-na na-na na-na na.

“Zing! Boom! Sis boom bah! We’re from Woodrow Roosevelt, that’s who we are! Does anybody scare us? The answer is nix! Come on team, let’s make it six! Yeah!”

The Woodrow Roosevelt High cheer, as performed by Susie and her two compatriots, apparently composed by the poetry professor Miss Browning (ahem), who embodies the maxim “those who can’t do, teach.”

Trivial matters: This episode was discussed on The Batcave Podcast episode 8 by host John S. Drew with special guest chum, New York Times best-selling author Dayton Ward.

Joker’s bookie is named Pete the Swede, a riff on Jimmy the Greek, a famous oddsmaker. The high school is named Woodrow Roosevelt, after the two presidents who led the U.S. during a world war (Woodrow Wilson for the first, Franklin Delano Roosevelt for the second).

One of the Joker’s henchmen is played by Kip King, a longtime character actor and voiceover actor (he was Tailor Smurf on The Smurfs), and also the father of comedian Chris Kattan. (You can see the resemblance in this episode…)

In 1981, Antônio Camano and Fernando Pettinati did a silly dub of the already-dubbed Portugese version of this episode with silly and raunchy dialogue, called “Bátima: Feira da Fruta” (“Batman: Fruit Fair”—yes, really). It can be found on the Internet, though Warner Bros. has been cracking down on it since the release of this series on DVD.

Pow! Biff! Zowie! “I’m a crook, Joker, just like you.” A lot of this episode is well put together. Batman’s tracking down of the Joker is refreshingly free of the usual leaps in logic—the Caped Crusader’s detective work is actually quite skilled. I question Batman’s deliberately walking into a trap that involved getting shot at in the bar (especially since he didn’t even clear the bar of innocent bystanders first), but hey, that got us our first look at the magnificently ridiculous Bat-shield, so there’s that. (Seriously, even when I was a kid and bought into much of the absurdity without question, I thought the Bat-shield was the dumbest thing ever. It took forever to unfold and fold, and where did he keep it?) Certainly Batman is a better detective than Robin is an undercover operative—he was the most unconvincing bad boy in the history of bad boys, even before he botched smoking a cigarette.

I also have to admit to taking a certain glee in a rare burst of competence from the GCPD, who are the only reason Batman and Robin are still alive. Speaking of good detective work, it was really bad detective work to just put a dime in the milk machine willy nilly and let themselves get caught. If it wasn’t for Gotham City’s crummy infrastructure and the timely arrival of two officers, they’d be, as Robin said, holy smoke.

And the Joker’s plan is—weird? I dunno, I kinda like the long-term thinking of creating high-school dropouts to increase recruiting among henchmen, but that’s a lot of money to spend for such a low and uncertain reward. I mean, Joker had to invest in the One-Armed Bandit Novelty Company, and then put all that money in the vending machines—and it had to be enough so that it would get to a plurality of the student body. I just don’t see the value of that part of the plan to the Joker at all. Robbing the bar, sure, and also framing the basketball team for inappropriate behavior to win a big bet, also sure. But whatever money he made on those two won’t even be a drop in the bucket compared to what he spent on coins to leave in the vending machines. And I still bet most of the kids would just take the money and keep on as before.

Bat-rating: 6

Keith R.A. DeCandido will be at Philcon 2015 this weekend as one of the author guests, alongside Guests of Honor Wen Spencer (author), Richard Hescox (artist), and Murder Ballads (band). Saturday night at 7pm in Executive Suite 823 will be the official launch party for the super-hero/super-villain anthology The Side of Good/The Side of Evil. Keith’s full schedule can be found here.

“True or False Face” / “Holy Rat Race”
Written by Stephen Kandel
Directed by William A. Graham
Season 1, Episodes 17 & 18
Production code 8713
Original air dates: March 9 & 10, 1966

The Bat-signal: The Gotham City Exhibit Hall received a note from False Face, the master of trickery and disguise, according to O’Hara, saying he’d be robbing a crown belonging to a princess. The princess herself arrives, expressing concern over her crown being stolen, as she got a note as well: “All that glitters is gone,” which is signed “F.F.” The museum manager says it should be “all that glitters is gold,” and O’Hara points out that False Face’s trademark is false quotes. (In fact, the quote from The Merchant of Venice is “all that glisters is not gold,” but whatever.)

The princess’s aide reveals himself to be False Face, and he lights his fake beard on fire, which then explodes. False Face runs away, and the princess goes after him, dropping her cloak—which then inflates to a giant pillow that blocks the doorway, delaying O’Hara and another cop long enough for False Face and the fake princess—really his assistant Blaze—to steal what looks like a police car, but turns out to be a gimmick car of his that he changes into an ice cream truck, enabling him to lose the cops.

The museum manager takes the crown back to police HQ, only to discover that the crown itself is a fake!

Stymied, Gordon calls Batman, interrupting Dick’s botany homework, to the boy’s relief. They arrive at GCPD HQ, where Batman warns that this crown is the tip of the criminal iceberg.

A messenger arrives with a note for Batman from False Face: “I intend to give money to a defenseless little girl.” Since False Face always tells the opposite of what he means, they deduce that he will take money from a well defended boy—which leads them to the Ladd Armored Car Company. Batman also sees through the messenger’s disguise: it’s Blaze. She challenges Batman to prove she’s committed a crime. Then she jumps out a window, where a giant pillow is waiting to break her fall, and she and False Face drive off.

False Face—now wearing a big red wig for no compellingly good reason—has gathered his counterfeit crew along with Blaze, where he plans to stop Batman and Robin once and for all, clearing his path to rule Gotham City and then the world. The counterfeit crew give False Face three cheers and False Face thanks them, saying he knows they didn’t mean it.

Batman and Robin discover that one of the Ladd Armored Car Company’s trucks is late, and it’s due to pick up a shipment of money from the Gotham City National Bank. The Dynamic Duo head there, and see the truck taking the money from the bank—but they recognize that it’s False Face because only a criminal would callously park in front of a fire hydrant. (I shudder to think how Batman would respond to armored car drivers in New York City. Just sayin’…) False Face is done in by Batman’s “cleverness,” and then hits them with a smoke bomb. He and Blaze—who was disguised as the other driver—head off. Our heroes give chase in the Batmobile.

They lure the Batmobile into an alley where they stop to let a boy scout help a little old lady across the street—but the old lady is False Face, and the boy scout one of the counterfeit crew. Fisticuffs ensue, but then False Face and Blaze pull a disappearing act just as the cops show up. The counterfeit crew are taken in by the police—but O’Hara is also kidnapped by Blaze, leaving False Face behind disguised as the chief.

Back in the Batcave, the Dynamic Duo examine the note Blaze brought for Batman at police HQ and discover it’s the same stuff they print money on. They head to the Official Bank Note Printing Company, the top-secret place where the paper is created—we know it’s top secret because there’s a big sign on the fence that says “TOP SECRET!” (with an exclamation point!) and to make the point further, there are signs that read, “DANGER, MINES!” “GUARDED!” “MONEY PAPER STOREHOUSE, KEEP OUT!” and “WIRED!”

The Dynamic Duo find a place to hide, awaiting False Face striking again. Sure enough, Blaze shows up, gassing an employee and trying to steal more paper with the help of two of the counterfeit crew (no doubt freed by the fake O’Hara). They leave those two for the guards, taking Blaze to be interrogated at police HQ by Batman, Robin, Gordon, and “O’Hara” (who says he has a toothache, and so can’t talk much).

Blaze insists she doesn’t know what False Face’s greater plan is—he trusts no one and refuses to divulge everything, not even to his primary assistant. She does reveal that False Face has one fear: Batman and Robin. Blaze promises to help them find False Face, and “O’Hara” offers to follow along with some hand-picked cops. Gordon praises his smart policework (which should’ve been his first clue that this is a fake O’Hara), while Blaze leads our heroes to a closed subway station, which Blaze says is False Face’s HQ. She then gasses Robin while a candy machine gasses Batman. False Face secures them to the train tracks with what he says is quick-setting plastic cement but which sure looks like saran wrap. Blaze thinks murder is going too far, but False Face insists. Blaze begs Batman’s forgiveness, which of course he grants ’cause he’s a sap.

In the Batcave, Alfred is dusting the Giant Lighted Lucite Map of Gotham City where he hears a radio message addressed to the friends of Batman: “Many are called but two are chosen—be receptive.” After hearing this, Alfred tries contacting Batman over the Bat-radio, and Batman asks him to short circuit the transmitter, which sends a surge through the cement holding Batman’s wrists. He frees his feet and then Robin just in the nick of time.

False Face accuses Blaze of helping the Dynamic Duo escape. She insists that she’s innocent, though she was the one who planted that radio message. Batman and Robin head back to the Batcave, where Alfred sews Batman’s glove up while Batman is still wearing it. (I’m still trying to figure out if that’s manly and tough or just overwhelmingly stupid.) They head to the radio station to see who sent the message, but the station manager says it was anonymous—but the woman who paid for it had green hair. That indicates Blaze—who has already worn half a dozen different colored wigs throughout this storyline.

O’Hara stumbles back to police HQ, having been rescued from a garbage scow. Impossible to say if that was expediency on Blaze’s part, or an editorial comment on his policework.

Blaze left another clue with the station manager: when she gave over the check, she said you could bank on it being false. The check was drawn on Gotham National Bank, and Batman deduces that False Face plans to plant his counterfeit money in that bank.

False Face has disguised himself as a night guard at the bank, and he managed to sneak his counterfeit gang in. (No clue as to how they got out of custody this time…) But before he can open the vault, Batman and Robin open it from the inside (????) and burst out. Fisticuffs ensue, with the midget member of False Face’s gang getting into it with O’Hara, but the bad guys escape.

The Batmobile gives chase to Bioscope Studios, an abandoned movie studio. They’re stopped by a net that falls in front of the Batmobile but Batman takes care of that with a Bat-laser which he uses to trap the counterfeit crew in the same net.

Then they use an inflated Batmobile as a decoy, which False Face blows up, but then they capture him—or so they think. He manages to escape on a motorcycle. They free Blaze—whom he had handcuffed in the truck—and the trio give chase through the old movie sets, soon joined by Gordon and O’Hara. False Face tries to escape by disguising himself as Gordon, but Batman sees through it, as Gordon is right-handed and False Face is holding his handkerchief with his left hand. False Face is arrested, to Blaze’s glee.

Later, Blaze comes to Wayne Manor, having been completely reformed thanks to the Wayne Foundation Rehabilitation Fund. She plans to live with her brother, a simple sheep farmer in New Zealand.

Fetch the Bat-shark-repellant! They use the Batanalyst to determine that False Face is using the same paper they print money on. Later Batman uses a Bat-laser to burn through the net at the studio. Amusingly, the television is the Batcave is just labelled “TELEVISION” without a Bat-prefix. Plus, we see Alfred dusting the Giant Lighted Lucite Map of Gotham City! Hooray!

Holy #@!%$, Batman! When they determine that False Face’s target is the Ladd Armored Car Company, Robin cries out “Holy bouncing boilerplate!” Yes, really. He utters, “Holy Houdini” when False Face escapes from the fistfight in the alley. Upon realizing False Face uses incredibly strong paper, he mutters, “Holy armor plate!” When they decide to check out the radio station, Robin says, “Holy transistors!” and when the station manager says the woman had green hair, he says, “Holy wigs!” “Holy rats in a trap!” is what he cries when the net falls in front of the Batmobile, cutting off their chase of False Face through the old studio.

The Part 2 voiceover summing up Part 1 includes “Holy entanglement!” when Blaze gasses Robin.

Plus, of course, the title for Part 2 is “Holy Rat Race,” the only time Robin’s signature phrasing is used in an episode title.

Gotham City’s finest. The GCPD fails to notice a giant pillow with the initials FF on it under the window to Gordon’s office, and subsequently fail to stop Blaze or False Face from making their escape from being parked right outside police HQ.

Later, three cops just stand there while O’Hara struggles to fight a midget while sitting down—O’Hara, not the midget. It’s quite possibly the lamest example of hand-to-hand combat in television history, not aided by the three cops who are, I may have mentioned, just friggin standing there!

No sex, please, we’re superheroes. Ladd’s secretary is smitten with Batman—after Ladd says that every law-abiding citizen of Gotham goes with him in spirit, the secretary moonily adds, “And if it were possible, in body!”

Special Guest Villain. The actor playing False Face was credited only as “?” until the closing credits of “Holy Rat Race,” where he was finally identified as Malachi Throne. Throne—probably best known in genre circles for playing Commodore Mendez in Star Trek‘s “The Menagerie” (as well as the voice of the Keeper in “The Cage“)—was reportedly not happy with not receiving full credit. While Throne is mostly behind a mask, and others play False Face when he’s in disguise (including both Neil Hamilton and Stafford Repp), Throne’s face can be seen when False Face poses as one of the armored car guards.

Na-na na-na na-na na-na na. “We are about to double dizzy Batman and Robin until the dexterous duo is duped, decoyed, and diabolically destroyed!” –False Face showing his love of alliteration.

Trivial matters: This episode was discussed on The Batcave Podcast episode 9 by host John S. Drew with special guest chum Jay Smith, the creator, executive producer, and scripter for the Parsec Award-winning audio drama HG World (for which your humble rewatcher served as the voice of Todd Rage).

The episode is written by veteran genre scripter Stephen Kandel, who also wrote the three Harry Mudd episodes of Star Trek (the live-action “Mudd’s Women” and “I, Mudd,” as well as the animated episode “Mudd’s Passion”), as well as “Jihad” (your humble rewatcher’s favorite episode of the animated Trek). Kandel will return to write Batman‘s first three-parter in the second season, “The Zodiac Crimes” / “The Joker’s Hard Times” / “The Penguin Declines.”

Several different versions of False Face have appeared in the comics, starting in 1942 and going all the way to the present day. This particular version is inspired by the one that appeared in Batman #113 in 1958, and another iteration of this False Face appeared in the animated series Batman: The Brave and the Bold (voiced by Corey Burton). Another version of the character appeared in Batman Beyond voiced by Townsend Coleman (best known as the voice of the title character in The Tick animated series).

Part of the cliffhanger voiceover refers to our heroes being “bashed by the BMT,” which is a very specific New York reference, as one of the companies that ran subway lines through New York was the Brooklyn-Manhattan Transit Corporation. They sold their lines to the city in 1940, and the J, L, M, N, Q, and R trains are still sometimes referred to as the BMT portion of the subway.

Pow! Biff! Zowie! “Only a criminal would disguise himself as licensed bonded guard yet callously park in front of a fire hydrant!” On the one hand, Malachi Throne is obviously having an absolute blast as False Face. Denied the use of his face, instead he makes copious use of body language to make his character compelling. Tellingly, he knows when not to use it, as well, as the reflection of his plastic face in the vending machine as Batman falls unconscious toward the end of Part 1 is brilliantly scary because he’s not moving.

In addition, the episode gives Stafford Repp a rare chance to actually act, as he does an excellent job playing False Face pretending to be O’Hara. Plus Myrna Fahey does fine work as Blaze, who’s a worthy foe to Batman in her own right, though her heel turn at the end of Part 1 is a bit too sudden. Still, she too is obviously having fun, from her outrageous accent at the beginning while pretending to be the princess to all the colored wigs!

Sadly, while the acting and directing is superb, the script just doesn’t hold together. If the princess is fake and the crown is fake, what exactly did False Face steal at the museum? How was the vault in the bank a fake if it was just a regular old vault with an alarm system? If False Face’s plan was to counterfeit money why was he just robbing the bank—he didn’t have the counterfeit money with him, he was just robbing it. So what was stealing the paper in aid of? Why did he use the paper for the notes? Why was Blaze’s challenge to Batman never followed up on? If his trademark was false quotes, why did he only do that once?

And how the heck did he change clothes so fast? And accusing someone of being a wanted criminal because he parked in front of a fire hydrant? This native New Yorker was laughing his ass off at that one…

Despite all the fun the actors are having (and seriously, it must’ve been a relief to Repp to play something different), the episode just sort of stumbles from bit to bit with no rhyme or reason. Not the show’s finest hour.

Bat-rating: 4

Keith R.A. DeCandido will be at Derpycon 2015 this weekend in Morristown, New Jersey, along with fellow authors Danielle Ackley-McPhail, Michael H. Hanson, and Mike McPhail; actors Richard Hatch and Carel Struycken; voiceover actors E.L. Fortner, Jessica Gee-George, Grant George, Austin Tindle, and David Vincent; cartoonists Kevin Bolk and Jessi & Matt Pascal; puppeteer Doctor Puppet; performers Children Driving Robots, Cosplay Burlesque, Inverse Phase, LeetStreet Boys, Manly Battleships, Professor JP McClendon, Scott Melzer, Munchausen Society, Overly Dramatic Readers, Uncle Yo, Voltaire, and “Greggo” Wicker; and Santa Claus! Keith will have a table where he’ll be selling and signing books, and he’ll also be doing bunches of programming. His full schedule can be found here.

“The Purr-fect Crime” / “Better Luck Next Time”
Written by Stanley Ralph Ross and Lee Orgel
Directed by James Sheldon
Season 1, Episodes 19 and 20
Production code 8721
Original air dates: March 16 and 17, 1966

The Bat-signal: It’s midnight at the Gotham City Art Museum, which is labelled only with the word “MUSEUM,” nothing else. Catwoman robs the place, using a cat to distract and attack the security guard while she makes off with a golden cat statue. She delivers a kitten to Gordon’s office, which has a newspaper clipping attached to its collar. It’s a picture of Mark Andrews, the owner of the cat statue, and he has another such statue at the Gotham City Exposition. Realizing that Catwoman is the perpetrator of the crime, Gordon hands the kitten off to O’Hara and calls Batman.

The Bat-phone interrupts Bruce and Dick playing four simultaneous games of chess piled on top of each other. They head to GCPD HQ, where Batman agrees that the museum job is but the first of many cat-related crimes to come from Catwoman.

We cut to Catwoman’s hideout at the Gato & Chat Wholesale Fur Retail Co., where Leo, one of her henchmen, has picked up the multivolume History of Gotham City, while Felix confirms the delivery of the kitten to Gordon. Catwoman then reads up on the lost treasure of Captain Manx, a pirate from the early years of Gotham City.

Batman and Robin return to the Batcave. Alfred and Robin do maintenance on the Batmobile while Batman plays with his chemistry set. Hilariously, he puts rubber gloves on over his costume’s gloves in order to work with the radioactive chemicals. The plan is to spray the cat statue with a tiny bit of radioactivity so they can trace it, in case Catwoman succeeds in stealing the statue.

They arrive at the Exposition. The ticket taker—actually Leo—tries to let them in for free, but Batman insists on paying just like any normal citizen, the sap. (On the other hand, Bruce can dang well afford the admission cost…) After the place closes, Batman sprays the radioactive gunk on the statue. At almost midnight, Batman goes to check the perimeter, leaving Robin with the statue. Batman promises to be back in three minutes and twenty seconds, which is a bizarrely precise interval.

Catwoman enters the room through a sarcophagus, along with her cat, who attacks Robin. The Boy Wonder manages to get off a radio message to Batman before falling unconscious. Batman runs back to the gallery to see Catwoman trying to make off with the statue. Fisticuffs ensue, but Batman is distracted when he finally notices Robin’s unconscious form, and Catwoman, Felix, and Leo escape with their ill-gotten gains.

The Dynamic Duo trace the residue to the Gato & Chat warehouse. Robin recognizes the name as being the words in Spanish and French for “cat,” and when Batman expresses his admiration for his knowledge of foreign languages, which come in handy in fighting crime, Robin actually says with a straight face, “si, si, Batman.”

They enter the warehouse, only to find that it’s a trap: Catwoman was expecting them. They fall through a trap door into an enclosed room, which has spikes on the walls. Those walls start to close in on them—but they soon discover that the spikes are just rubber (though not until after Batman tries and fails to keep the walls apart with his bare hands). Felix then leaves a bomb through a cat door, but the explosion is harmless, and when Batman picks it up, a small flag that says “MEOW!” and a recording of a cat’s meow startle both of them.

Then a tube encloses Robin and sucks him up into the ceiling, leaving Batman alone. Catwoman then gives him a classic lady-or-the-tiger choice, where he actually has to choose between one door, behind which is her (a lie, as she’s upstairs), or the other door, behind which is a tiger.

He picks the door on the right, behind which is the promised “Batman-eating tiger.” Batman fends off the tiger long enough to pull out bat-magnets from his utility belt and climb the wall. He then puts in his bat-earplugs (outside the mask, so how much good can they really be doing?) and then reverses the polarity on the communicator in his utility belt buckle to create a sonic wave that causes the tiger distress and makes him lie down. Batman then leaves through the very same door the tiger came in through.

Catwoman taunts Robin for a bit—including informing him that they’re wrong that her plans are to steal all of Andrews’s collection—before having Felix and Leo lower him into a pit with two tigers while covered in catnip. She buggers off before the job is finished, with other business, but luckily Batman finds Robin in time to save him, using the batarang to swing to his rescue. Fisticuffs ensue, and the Dynamic Duo win, though Leo manages to escape. He meets up with Catwoman, who is not pleased that Batman and Robin are still alive, nor that they recovered the cat statues. However, she puts “alternate plan B” into effect.

Robin checks in with Gordon, assuring him that the statues have been recovered, at least, while Gordon says that there’s no sign of Catwoman at the Andrews estate. An examination of the statues reveal markings on the bases—but the two cats have different markings, which is odd, as they’re supposed to be identical. Batman then looks up the Captain Manx story, and learns that one of the pirate’s treasure chests was never recovered. It turns out that the markings, when put together, form a map of Gotham City as it was in Manx’s day, complete with the location of the booty.

Robin hits on the notion of tracing Catwoman via the radioactive gunk, which would have transferred to her from fondling the statue.

Catwoman finds the treasure in a cave, thrilled at the wealth beyond dreams of avarice—and she’s unwilling to share, so once Leo packs it in a bag, she gasses him, so she can keep the loot for herself. She also had Leo mine the road to the cave, but the Batmobile’s armor resists the explosions.

Batman and Robin show up before she can make her escape, and she leads them on a merry chase through the cave. She tries to jump across a chasm, but she’s too weighed down by her loot. Before Batman can save her, she falls into the chasm, unwilling to let go of the treasure. The Dynamic Duo search the cave, but don’t find her—only her cat.

Back at Wayne Manor, Alfred tries to help Dick play chess—only to have Bruce win anyhow—while Aunt Harriet is frustrated by Catwoman’s erstwhile cat, who keeps stealing things.

Fetch the Bat-shark-repellant! The Batmobile makes an annoying buzzing sound at one point because Robin hasn’t fastened his safety bat-belt. (Oddly, Robin says they’re only going a few blocks, but they actually head straight from there back to the Batcave, which is—as the sign reminds us most every episode—fourteen miles away. Anyhow, it’s just an excuse to let Batman lecture about motor safety. Also, Robin isn’t yet old enough to drive, apparently.) They use the Bat-o-meter to trace the radioactive gunk on the statue. The universal antidote pills make another appearance, curing Robin of the neural toxin on the cat’s claws. They use the bat-beam to set off any booby traps in the entrance to Gato & Chat. Batman escapes from the tiger using a mess of bat-devices: magnets, earplugs, and polarity-reversed communicator. While roaming the catacombs of Catwoman’s lair, he uses sparkly gold Bat-logos to mark his trail. They use the spectrascope and the metal analyzer on the cat statues. Batman keeps the History of Gotham City set on the Bat-research shelf. The Batmobile has armor to protect it from landmines, and it also has automatic tire repair.

Holy #@!%$, Batman! While playing four games of chess at once, Dick cries, “Holy Reshevsky!” a reference to Samuel Reshevsky, the chess champion. Robin utters, “Holy trickery!” when he and Batman discuss Catwoman’s plans. Before being attacked by Catwoman’s cat, he really and truly says, “Holy cats, a cat!” When he sees the spiky walls, Robin cries, “Holy icepicks!” When Batman tells Robin that they never recovered one of Captain Manx’s treasure chests, he cries, “Holy felony!” Upon realizing the cat statues have a map of old Gotham City, he says, “Holy geography!”

Gotham City’s finest. When O’Hara offers police aid against Catwoman, Batman declines, saying a large police presence will only create confusion, which is a remarkably polite and considerate blow-off, all things considered, especially since he heavily implies that the GCPD is completely incompetent and would just get in their way.

Special Guest Villainess. Julie Newmar makes her debut as Catwoman, the first of three women to play the role. This is her only appearance in season 1; she’ll appear half a dozen times in season 2. Eartha Kitt will take over the role for season 3, while Lee Meriwether will play Catwoman in the 1966 movie.

Na-na na-na na-na na-na na.

“It’s a pity I can’t stay and watch, but you know how I hate the sight of blood. TTFN!”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Ta-ta for now.”

–Catwoman breaking one of the Evil Overlord Rules and then quoting Tigger (while observing Batman in a deathtrap with a tiger).

Trivial matters: This episode was discussed on The Batcave Podcast episode 10 by host John S. Drew with special guest chum Clay Dugger, prolific podcaster.

The voiceover for the cliffhanger promises Part 2 tomorrow, “same cat time, same cat channel.”

Catwoman was the one of the first villains to appear in Batman’s eponymous comic that started being published alongside his adventures in Detective Comics in 1940. In Batman #1, she was simply called “the Cat.” She has gone on to become one of Batman’s most popular recurring antagonists, though she’s been portrayed as more of an antihero than an out-and-out villain over the past twenty years or so.

Newmar is the first person to play the role in another medium—the character was never used in any of the previous adaptations—but Catwoman has since been played by Michelle Pfeiffer, Halle Berry, Anne Hathaway, Maggie Baird and Camren Bicondova in live action on film and television, and portrayed in every animated version of Batman that’s been done, voiced by (among many others) Adrienne Barbeau, Eliza Dushku, and Gina Gershon.

Catwoman’s jumpsuits were designed and sewn by Newmar herself.

The original airing of “The Purr-fect Crime” was interrupted by a news bulletin about a near-fatal situation on Gemini 8, as NASA astronauts Neil Armstrong and David Scott were almost killed. ABC was flooded with calls, not concerned about Armstrong and Scott, but pissed that Batman was interrupted.

This episode is the one and only time we actually see Bonnie, Gordon’s secretary. She delivers the kitten.

Pow! Biff! Zowie! “There’s more than one way to skin a cat, woman!” This is, in many ways, the perfect Batman two-parter. You have an incredibly worthy villain in Catwoman, who is magnificently played by Julie Newmar. It’s obvious the producers didn’t think of her as one of the A-listers initially. While Joker, Riddler, and Penguin all made multiple appearances in the inaugural season, Catwoman only showed up the once, no more or less than Zelda the Great, Bookworm, King Tut, False Face, the Mad Hatter, and Mr. Freeze.

But she obviously made an impression, as she’ll be back quite a bit in season 2, and be part of the roster for the between-seasons movie along with the Big Three male villains, with good reason. Her plans are straightforward, she stays a step ahead of Batman and Robin by anticipating their tracking her down and setting traps for them, and if the traps are a bit too elaborate, well, that’s true of every villain on this show. Besides, trapping Batman in a room with a hungry tiger is probably the most direct method of trying to kill the Dynamic Duo anyone’s come up with.

Newmar herself is superb. She has the same physicality that Frank Gorshin brings to the Riddler, but it’s more low-key and very effective, combining with her imposing presence and sultry voice to create a most memorable villain.

On top of that, you’ve got tons of gadgets, the standard GCPD incompetence, and terrible cat puns. Face it, this two-parter has it all!

Bat-rating: 9

Keith R.A. DeCandido‘s latest work of fiction is Thor: Dueling with Giants, Book 1 of the Marvel’s Tales of Asgard trilogy, which will be available as an eBook next Tuesday, to be released as a print book in spring 2016. You can preorder the eBook from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, or iTunes. Coming soon are Books 2 and 3, Sif: Even Dragons Have Their Endings and The Warrior’s Three: Godhood’s End.

You might have noticed that here at Tor.com, we’re big fans of the classic 1966 Batman series—and now we’ve found the Robin to our Batman Rewatch! Starting in about October, right around when our rewatch launched (coincidence? we think not!), the Twitter account @BatLabels began screencapping and cataloguing every ridiculous Bat-themed item that has ever graced our screens. Because even if you were eagle-eyed enough to catch the Bat-shield, we bet you didn’t notice the Truth Control Bat Tester or the Gossip Phone!

And this series has some major label game:

Plus, it’s always good to label even the most mundane things, lest you forget in the haze of Bat-this and Bat-that:

Now, to the @BatLabels! (There’s a Tumblr, too, if that’s more your speed.)

Batman Returns has become a perennial Christmas favorite of mine. It serves as a yearly shot of pure, sex-positive, unapologetic feminism, and it goes great with spiked nog. This year as I looked back at this 24-year-old movie, I remembered how revolutionary Selina Kyle felt to me watching it in the theater, and how I was sure there would be other fictional women who would resonate for me. But I have to think long and hard before I come up with any. Anne Hathaway’s Catwoman went back to the Miller prostitute/thief role; Halle Berry’s is best not spoken of. And if you don’t mind me jumping comics worlds: we’ve checked in with Natasha Romanov in four separate MCU movies, but we’ve never gotten an exploration of her inner life that matches that scene in Selina’s apartment; Gamora would never say anything as dark and interesting and weird as “We’re gonna have a hot time in the old town tonight”; Pepper Potts may have had superhumandom forced on her, but she had to borrow one of Tony’s suits rather than making her own.

What, then, made Selina Kyle and Batman Returns so special?

I watched the original Batman on a VHS months before it was officially released for home video. I don’t know what the story was there—my dad came home with an unmarked video cassette, put it on after dinner, and as soon as Danny Elfman’s theme started I began yipping like a terrier. (We didn’t go out to movies much, so I’d been wanting to see it.) I have an intense memory of sitting on the floor about three inches from the TV for the next two hours. I watched it a lot over the next few months, and each time two moments jarred me. First, an early scene where Batman teases Vicki Vale for lying about weighing 108 lbs. Later, more problematically, Bruce Wayne flips out on Vicki Vale. He ghosts after they sleep together, and when she confronts him his response isn’t to explain but to say, “You’re a nice girl, and I like you, but for right now, shut up.” Since this is Michael Keaton, always an intense actor, this moment is actually frightening. To my child’s eyes, I was watching a superhero yell at a girl for no reason, and it struck my justice-obsessed heart as intensely unfair.

Three years later, when Batman Returns came out, things had changed. I had friends (not to brag, but I had more than one friend. It was extraordinary!) and we could talk parents into dropping us off at malls. By then I knew who Tim Burton was, and that he was responsible for several movies I loved, and since I’d decided I wanted to be a director, I was trying to watch movies analytically. We went to see Batman Returns on opening night, expecting another rollicking action movie. In retrospect I don’t remember if I was nervous about the gender politics. None of us had read Dark Knight Returns yet, but we knew that Tim Burton had promised people a darker, grittier Batman, and that Catwoman was one of the villains. What we got instead was astonishing — a story of feminist awakening, identity crisis, identity acceptance, and an interplay between a male and female action hero, that, for me at least, wasn’t matched until I saw Mad Max: Fury Road last May.

What is essentially a subplot—Selina’s transformation into Catwoman—is treated as the main emotional arc of the film. Tim Burton didn’t waste much time on Batman’s origin story in the first film—we see young Bruce witness his parents’ murder, and then we jump to the adult, thirty-something Batman, already capable and walking the line between superhero and vigilante. In Returns, we see Penguin’s birth, and then we check back in with him 30 years later. The origin story we do get is Catwoman’s—and for all that Burton paid lip service to Frank Miller, this is not Frank Miller’s Catwoman. She’s not a prostitute, and she’s not a jewel thief. She begins the film as an underpaid assistant to evil businessman Max Shreck, and she ends it as an anti-patriarchy terrorist.

They sketch an amazing portrait of a woman’s life in only a few minutes that even I as, a barely pubescent kid, recognized already. (It might be worth pointing out that when I saw this movie I had four feet of blonde hair, that I grew up in Florida, where it’s customary to wear shorts and tank tops 10 months out of the year, and that I’ve been a 36C since 7^th grade… I know from harassment.) Like a lot of women, she turns her anger on herself, calling herself a corndog and berating herself as soon as the men are out of the room. The men laugh at her ideas (which she phrases as questions to avoid angering the men), but they compliment her coffee. A few scenes later, she’s literally murdered for being too smart. Having figured out that Shreck is scheming to funnel power away from Gotham’s infrastructure with his supposed power plant, she confronts him, but again frames the confrontation as a question, hoping that will soften her intelligence enough, and save her life. It doesn’t work. Shreck threatens her because he sees her potentially standing in the way of his legacy, specifically the inheritance he wants to leave his son Chip. Selina tries to plead for her life by reassuring him that she’s not important: “I’m just an assistant. …a secretary…. How can you be so mean to someone so meaningless?” He laughs at her and pushes her out a window. In the original script, Selina sees Batman drive by obliviously as she lies dying in the snow, and Max looks down at her body and says, “Let the police find her. Make sure the funeral is on me” to which Chip replies, and I am not making this up: “She wanted it.” In the film he just shrugs casually s he looks down at her broken body.

After her cats bring her back to life, she doesn’t simply lash out at Shreck, and she doesn’t even lash out at all men. What specifically catalyzes her transformation is the terrible answering machine message from Gotham Lady perfume. This is the second such call she’s received that night—it’s so goddamn invasive. After messages of her mother’s nagging voice and her ex-boyfriend’s whining, she hears this terrible, robotic female voice encouraging women to get ahead through sexuality. What she reacts against is this notion of monetizing her sexuality (you know, like Frank Miller had her do) or using her wiles to get ahead (you know, like the 1960s Batman series) and she reacts in a profound way.

She digs through her clothes for a black latex catsuit—the sort of thing that you wear to a Halloween party if you want to be slutty—and uses the typically feminine art of sewing to turn it into a superhero costume. There’s no Frank Miller pimp here, obviously; the suit is Selina’s choice from the beginning. She breaks the hot pink neon sign with the chirpy, welcoming greeting “Hello There!” She sees a pink dream house and wants it painted black, and uses the lower-class “street” method to destroy it by tagging it with spray paint. (Is this a working class, underpaid service industry-type woman lashing out at the suburban American dream of being a wife in a perfectly appointed middle class house? I’d say yes.) When the camera swoops out and shows you that her pink sign now reads “Hell Here”—reader, I gasped out loud in the audience.

I might have cried a little. I still do, when I watch it each year at Christmas. But again, not in a sad way—in a cathartic way, because she’s found a way out. All she had to do was die.

The first thing she does as a super-normal personal is rescue a woman from rape. The second thing she does is berate the woman for acting like a victim. She’s not a hero, she’s furious with the culture, as angry with the women who allow it to continue by being weak, as with the men who perpetuate it. Again, to point out the parallels with Fury Road, this is the flip side of Furiosa’s realization that Nux and Max are as much victims as Splendid, Capable, and the other sex slaves—as she sees that they are all being exploited by Immortan Joe, so Selina sees that all of society supports the oppression of women. This is a fascinating moment in the film because it draws such a line—you can admire Selina, you can even relate to her, but don’t expect her to be warm and fuzzy.

This is brought home even more a few minutes later, when she becomes an anti-capitalist terrorist. When she goes skipping into Shreck’s department store, most viewers were probably expecting her to head straight for the jewel cases. Instead she finds the most flammable things she can and stuffs them all into a microwave. She doesn’t want to kill anyone (except Shreck) and even takes the time to order the guards out of the store. She chooses a whip as her weapon, rather than Penguin’s guns and Batman’s potentially lethal arsenal. She’s not a villain.

This film can’t pass the Bechdel test, but that’s part of the point. Selina is an intelligent woman surrounded by men who ignore her or want to possess her. Just compare her relationship with the Penguin to that with Batman. Penguin immediately tries to possess her, telling Batman “I saw her first.” He continues this pattern, sating “You’re Beauty and the Beast, in one luscious Christmas gift pack,” and including her in his anti-Bat scheme only after assuming that their partnership would be romantic as well as criminal. The second she tells him no, he says, “You sent out all the signals!” and “You lousy minx! I oughta have you spayed!” and finally attacks her, costing her one of her lives. Bruce, on the other hand, respects both of her identities. As Batman and Catwoman, they fight like equals. She tricks him one time by replying to a blow with “How could, you—I’m a woman!” before turning on him again. After that they simply attack each other with full force—“As I was saying, I’m a woman and can’t be taken for granted. Life’s a bitch, now so am I.”—and their fighting is a constant push/pull of attraction and anger. (There’s only a millimeter of latex stopping them from beating Jessica Jones and Luke Cage to the “first onscreen superhero sex” honors. They also enact a startlingly frank consensual S&M relationship, while all that latex works as an early 90s advertisement for safe sex. What I’m saying is, there’s a lot going on here.)

As Bruce and Selina, they accept each others’ dark humor. They give each other space, respect boundaries, and in the final, heartbreaking scene, reveal themselves. Where Vicki Vale only learned Bruce’s secret identity because of Alfred, here Batman unmasks himself to Selina. As a kid watching the film, I expected this to be the moment that Batman and Catwoman work as a team to defeat Shreck. That the path would be happily paved for sequels. But no:

Catwoman: “Bruce… I would—I would love to live with you in your castle… forever, just like in a fairy tale.”
[Batman caresses the back of her head]
Catwoman: [she claws Batman on the cheek] “I just couldn’t live with myself. So don’t pretend this is a happy ending.”

She kills Shreck then, like she’s planned to all along. The film strongly implies that she escapes after his death. And the best part is that she’s never punished for this. She lashes out in anger, and it’s OK. She fights with Batman, and they each hurt each other, but they also each love the other. In the end she gets to avenge herself on Shreck on her own terms, while Penguin fails to kill Batman because, in their final fight, he mistakenly picks a “cute” umbrella. As with the previous summer’s problematic feminist film, Thelma and Louise, Selina still has to die to get her revenge. But unlike Thelma and Louise, she has at least one life left.

Watching Batman Returns now as an adult, I am astonished each time at how heartbreaking the film is. The way Selina downplays her own competence and pain, the constant drum of society telling her to make men the center of her life, the hum of violence and sexual threat, and the way she’s finally forced into becoming a vigilante—not, as Batman did, to seek justice for the downtrodden, but just to be heard at all. Earlier this month, we at Tor.com gathered up some of our personal MVPs of 2015. Furiosa was obviously going to make the list, and I was honored that I got to write about her. I said then that thought her character would echo forward through new creators’ writing, and I hope that it’s true, but I could have just said that I loved her because she reminded me of Selina Kyle in all her complicated glory.

Leah Schnelbach has still never learned to sew, so when she finally receives her superpowers, her costume will have to consist of a t-shirt and jeans. Wait…Jessica Jones already did that. Crap. Come give her sewing tips on Twitter!

“The Penguin Goes Straight” / “Not Yet, He Ain’t”
Written by Lorenzo Semple Jr. and John Cardwell
Directed by Leslie H. Martinson
Season 1, Episodes 21 and 22
Production code 8723
Original air dates: March 23 and 24, 1966

The Bat-signal: At a matinee performance at a Gotham City theatre, the intermission is menaced by a machine-gun-carrying man in a mask. Penguin is one of the attendees, and his discussion of the play’s merits is interrupted by the attempted robbery—which he foils with the aid of his bullet-proof umbrella. One of the attendees is Sophia Starr, a famous society woman, and she is very grateful to Penguin—they leave the theatre arm in arm.

Gordon is shocked at the news, and immediately calls Batman, interrupting Bruce and Dick practicing their golf game. Batman and Robin speculate as to whether or not the Penguin has truly gone straight. He suggests they interrogate the would-be robber, but he claims never to have heard of the Penguin, saying that Gordon and O’Hara have read too many comic books. (Har.) Batman and Robin try to scare him with a silhouette of them waving their arms and capes around, which prompts the viewer to laugh hysterically and the robber to scream and run head-first into a wall. Holy crappy interrogation techniques!

Luckily, the GCPD is actually doing their job properly for once, and they’ve tailed Penguin to the Millionaire’s Club. Batman inexplicably asks O’Hara to clear all exits for the Batmobile (he’s parked on the street!) and heads out.

At the club, Penguin saves a young rich man named Reggie from being kidnapped in the steam room. (Hilariously, while Penguin is wearing the traditional towel/toga wear one has in a steam room, he’s still wearing his hat and monocole and gloves, as well as his cigarette holder—the cigarette can’t be holding up well in the steam room—and also flippers for some reason.) Batman and Robin arrive thinking they’ve foiled his kidnap attempt, but Reggie assures them that Penguin is the hero.

Penguin also announces his new business venture: protecting the precious objects of the wealthy—and his first client is Starr.

They’re sure that Penguin has a long-term criminal plan, so they plan to substitute fake jewels for Starr’s real ones, which they’ll be able to trace. In order to get a look at them—so they can create the false ones—they send Alfred in as an insurance investigator. He takes pictures of the jewels and also switches out Penguin’s cigarette holder for one with a radio transmitter. Unfortunately, Penguin’s umbrella has a bug detector built in, and it’s discovered. Alfred manages to make his escape by literally pulling the rug out from under Penguin.

However, using Alfred’s pictures as a guide, the Dynamic Duo have created fake jewels, and they set off to switch them with the real ones. Robin is concerned that they’re actually technically committing a crime: they’re stealing Starr’s jewels, after all. But Batman insists that protecting private property is too important, which doesn’t actually follow, but whatever. They climb up the wall, and start to break into the safe—only to be caught red-handed by Penguin and his two thugs. Fisticuffs ensue, and Batman and Robin escape down the window. Starr calls the police, while Penguin calls the press.

Gordon is appalled at the notion that the Dynamic Duo could be considered crooks. Penguin is holding a party at the Gotham Amusement Park. Gordon advises Batman not to go, as he’d be obligated to arrest them. But Batman doesn’t listen and he and Robin go anyhow—where they’re ambushed by Penguin.

He then strings the Dynamic Duo up behind a shooting range at the amusement park. Penguin challenges Gordon and O’Hara to shoot the balloons that are attached to the dummy targets (right over the heart in each case), and if they get the balloons on the first shot, Penguin will donate to the PBA. Unable to turn that challenge down, the cops take aim and fire, not knowing that (a) the umbrella guns have real bullets in them, not pellets, and (b) Batman and Robin are in the line of fire.

Luckily, the Caped Crusader and the Boy Wonder have bullet-proof soles on their footwear, and they wake up in time to put their feet up on the curtain, thus saving themselves. Batman uses the Bat-knife to cut himself and Robin loose.

Penguin happily gives Gordon a certified check for the PBA, and then goes to dispose of the corpses—only to find that they escaped.

Back at the Batcave, Batman and Robin are despondent. Batman admits that they are truly fugitives—worse, they trespassed on the amusement park, which Penguin legally rented, they’re wanted for breaking-and-entering, and they can’t even nail Penguin for attempted murder because Gordon and O’Hara were the ones who shot at them.

Penguin and Starr go to Gordon’s office to demand that Batman and Robin be brought in, backed by Starr, who speaks for all the rich and powerful people Penguin has been befriending of late. Under pressure from Penguin, the Bat-phone is used, and Gordon insists that Batman turn himself in. Instead, Batman says he’ll meet Penguin at his protection office in 25 minutes. Penguin is outraged—he believes that Batman will attack him, and asks for police protection.

The Dynamic Duo show up and pretend to have snapped under the pressure. (Robin does a ridiculous head-twitch to help “sell” it.) Fisticuffs ensue, but when the police show up, they try to retreat, but the cops chase them into an alley, where they’re seemingly shot dead.

Penguin and his thugs steal the Batmobile, while Batman and Robin are taken to the city morgue. Gordon gives a press conference announcing that the Dynamic Duo will be buried with full honors, despite the fact that they died as fugitives.

Having redecorated the Batmobile as the Birdmobile (complete with umbrellas), Penguin roams the streets of Gotham pretending to stop crime, including foiling a staged robbery for Starr’s benefit. Batman and Robin are observing from the Batcave—they’re not actually dead, in fact, the cops were using blanks for the entire shootout. But they’re pretending to be dead and surveilling the Bat— er, that is Birdmobile until Penguin reveals himself.

Starr agrees to marry Penguin. The wedding includes tons of gifts from Starr’s friends and family. (Said gifts are under a sign that says, “DO NOT TOUCH! THIS LOOT UNDER THE PROTECTION OF PENGUIN PROTECTIVE AGENCY INC.” Yes, he refers to his wedding gifts as “loot.”) A water pipe bursts—thanks to a bomb planted by Penguin’s thugs—and so he gives everyone “emergency umbrellas” so they’ll stay dry under the cascade of water. The umbrellas explode with streamers and such. The wedding gifts all disappear, and Penguin goes off to stop the thieves. But instead, he goes down to the Birdmobile—the wedding gifts all got dumped into the trunk. He closes the hood and drives off—not only with tons of expensive gifts, but also leaving Starr at the altar, the cad.

Batman and Robin follow on the Bat-cycle. They’ve got surveillance footage of Penguin admitting to his crimes (as well as him making off with the gifts), and they use the Bat-cycle to take control of the Birdmobile from Penguin. They tie Penguin and his two thugs to the hood and drive back to Gotham. (It’s unclear what they do with the Bat-cycle.)

Gordon and O’Hara return Starr’s gifts to her. Starr still loves him, and still has hopes of marrying him and reforming him—but Penguin would rather go to prison than suffer that fate…

Fetch the Bat-shark-repellant! The Dynamic Duo has just installed a new bullet-proof windshield in the Batmobile. Robin uses the electric eye looping unit to neutralize Starr’s safe alarm while Batman tries to cracks the safe. Batman’s boots and Robin’s silly shoes both have bullet-proof soles, and Batman has a Bat-knife in his glove, which is jarred out by the impact of bullets on his feet, apparently.

We also get the debut of the Batcycle! (Which is pronounced “bat-sigh-cull,” even though I desperately want to pronounce it “bat-sickle.”) It has a mobile Bat-scanner, as well as remote access to the Batmobile, up to and including remote steering, which is done via an adorable little steering wheel.

Holy #@!%$, Batman! “Holy nick of time” is Dick’s rather odd rejoinder when he learns Penguin is on the loose, mentioning the Batmobile’s new bullet-proof windshield (which is never actually used in the story, so why bring it up?). When the theatre thief knocks himself unconscious, Robin cries, “Holy knockout drops!” and when they learn Penguin is in the Millionaire’s Club, he says, “Holy jackpot!” After learning of Penguin’s protection agency, he says, “Holy leopard” as a prelude to mentioning how he’s changed his spots. When Penguin gets the drop on Batman and Robin breaking into Starr’s safe, he cries, “Holy bat-trap!” When they save themselves with their bullet-proof footwear, Robin cries, “Holy hotfoot,” and upon realizing how crappy their situation is, Robin mutters, “Holy nightmare.” As they observe Penguin pretending to foil a robbery for Starr’s benefit, Robin sees Starr’s dewy-eyed reaction and mutters, “Holy mush” and “Holy Romeo and Juliet!”

In the summary of “The Penguin Goes Straight” at the top of “Not Yet, He Ain’t,” William Dozier cries, “Holy bombshell!” when describing Penguin’s foiling of the theatre robbery.

Gotham City’s finest. Gordon and O’Hara interrogate the theatre thief. On the one hand, it never occurs to them to do so until Batman suggests it, which is kind of sad, since that’s Police Procedure 101. On the other hand, they do point out that Penguin would never have brought a bullet-proof umbrella to a matinee unless he was expecting to get shot at. Unfortunately, this promising line of inquiry is cut off by Batman and Robin doing shadow puppets…

The cops also open fire on the Dynamic Duo with pistols and machine guns repeatedly in the middle of a crowded city street without having secured the civilians, a level of public endangerment that is appalling, notwithstanding that they’re firing blanks.

Special Guest Villain. Burgess Meredith is the last of the Big Three male villains to make a return appearance, following “Fine Feathered Finks” / “The Penguin’s a Jinx.” He’ll return in the first-season finale “Fine Finny Fiends” / “Batman Makes the Scenes.”

Na-na na-na na-na na-na na.

“Oh frabjous day, calloo callay!”

–Penguin quoting Lewis Carroll upon seeing Batman and Robin shot down.

Trivial matters: This episode was discussed on The Batcave Podcast episode 11 by host John S. Drew with special guest chum Gary Mitchel, co-director of the American Sci-Fi Classics Track at Dragon Con.

This episode marks the first appearance of the Batcycle, and the only time they used a Harley Davidson. The next time we see the Batcycle will be in the feature film, and subsequent uses of the bike will be the Yamaha used in the movie (mostly reusing footage from the movie, in fact).

This two-parter is the only time Leslie H. Martinson directed for the TV show, but he went on to direct the aforementioned feature film.

Alfred poses as an investigator from Floyd’s of Dublin, a play on famous insurance company Lloyd’s of London.

Pow! Biff! Zowie! “A bachelor’s life for me, tit-willow, tit-willow, tit-willow.” I love this episode because Penguin’s plan actually is very close to successful, mostly because Batman and Robin screw up so many times. It starts with the interrogation of the theatre thief, which was actually going very well until Batman and Robin decided to try to frighten him. Then we go to their trying to stop Penguin from kidnapping Reggie, which he wasn’t doing (exactly), and then breaking and entering.

By the way, there’s an outstanding issue here. As Robin pointed out when they climbed the wall, they actually did commit a crime! And they were never arrested for it! Where’s Mr. Law and Order now that the Bat-boot is on the other foot, huh?

The episode also gets points for once again giving us Undercover Alfred. It’s fun to see Alan Napier do something other than answer the phone and dust things, and while this isn’t as much fun as his undercover work in “Batman Stands Pat,” it’s still rather enjoyable to see him in action.

I only wish they hadn’t included the scene in “The Penguin Goes Straight” where Penguin discusses his long con with his thugs, because the story would have been much more effective if the viewer isn’t entirely sure whether or not Penguin has reformed. But that’s a level of nuance this show was never interested in.

Anyhow, this is a nice subversive episode, in that our heroes actually do screw up multiple times, and let their prejudices interfere with their ability to do their job. Of course, Batman can’t stay flawless for long, so those prejudices turn out to be wholly justified, but it doesn’t dampen the enthusiasm of watching them mess up repeatedly before they finally get the upper hand by faking their deaths and waiting for Penguin to incriminate himself.

Bat-rating: 8

Rewatcher’s note: Due to the holidays in general, and to Christmas Day and New Years Day both falling on a Friday in particular, we’ll be taking the Bat-rewatch off for a Bat-fortnight. We’ll be back on the 8th of January with “The Ring of Wax”/”Give ‘Em the Axe.”

Keith R.A. DeCandido hopes everyone has a lovely Bat-holiday and a wonderful Bat-new year!

“The Ring of Wax” / “Give ’em the Axe”
Written by Jack Paritz and Bob Rodgers
Directed by James B. Clark
Season 1, Episodes 23 and 24
Production code 8725
Original air dates: March 30 and 31, 1966

The Bat-signal: At Madam Soleil’s Wax Museum, they are unveiling a new wax likeness: Batman. Except when Soleil opens the curtain, it reveals instead a wax statue of the Riddler, complete with a tape recorder that plays a riddle: what’s black and white and red all over? And it’s “red,” not “read,” because the statue is holding a rifle that squirts red paint all over the visiting dignitaries. The recording has a second riddle: what has branches and leaves but no bark?

Soleil calls Gordon and Gordon calls Batman, as he’s the only one who can cope with the Riddler. The bat-phone interrupts a game of capitals among Bruce, Dick, and Aunt Harriet (Dick thought Lima was the capital of Ecuador rather than Peru), and our heroes slide down the poles and head to GCPD HQ in the Batmobile (which strangely goes around the construction barricade rather than over it when it falls down like usual).

They all know the answer to the first riddle (red paint at the scene notwithstanding): a newspaper. But it could also be a book, as they realize when they dope out the second riddle, which is a library (leaves in a book, lots of branches). They figure Riddler will hit the Gotham City Library, so the Dynamic Duo heads there.

The Riddler’s hideout is in a candle factory, where his henchmen are melting down Batman’s wax statue. Riddler didn’t just steal it for the joy of melting down a likeness of Batman—though he does enjoy that—but he also smuggled something in the statue: in a universal solvent that can dissolve anything.

They head to the library. Riddler uses a gimmicked candle to distract the guard on the rare-book vault. He applies the solvent to the vault lock and melts the wax, which also melts the lock. Riddler enters and looks for a book on the treasures of the Incas, which one of his thugs finds on the shelf with the incredibly convenient label: “RARE OLD BOOKS ON THE TREASURES OF THE INCAS,” the only shelf in the entire vault that’s in any way labelled, and said shelf only has one book on it.

Batman and Robin enter the library and ask the woman at the reference desk if she’s seen the Riddler. She doesn’t recall, but she sees lots of people every day. (I’m the child of librarians, and also worked a reference desk for two years in college, and I can assure you that this is actually completely realistic. With the parade of people that tramp by a reference desk every day, they all start to blend, even if one of them is wearing green tights with a big question mark on the chest and back.)

Riddler is over the moon, as now he has the book that will lead him to the lost treasure of the Incas. When the reference desk librarian leads Batman and Robin to the vault, they are ambushed by Riddler and his two henchmen (they were warned by Riddler’s moll, Moth, that they were on their way up).

Riddler claims he is checking out a book. Robin sees the title, and wonders what Riddler would want with a book called The Lost Treasures of the Incas, and Batman has no idea, as who can understand the mind of the arch-criminal? (Right, guys, how could you possibly figure out why a guy who steals stuff would be interested in a book about treasures?)

Fisticuffs ensue, but Riddler ends the fight by using his own super-sticky stuff to glue Batman and Robin’s feet to the floor. He then casually tosses the glue can aside—right onto the alarm. He leaves behind another riddle: the more you take away, the larger it grows.

Our heroes escape using the bat-laser gun, and find that Riddler escaped through a hole in the wall (a hole being the answer to the riddle). But there was no explosion. Batman takes some of the waxy substance in the wall to the Batcave, where they determine that the wax is made of sodium, uranium, and nitrogen. The first letters of those three elements spell “sun,” which is the English word for “soleil,” so obviously the Riddler will strike the wax museum next. Sure.

The Dynamic Duo go to the wax museum. They don’t see Madam Soleil—and they don’t see that four of the wax statues are the Riddler, his two henchmen, and Moth. Riddler drugs Batman and Robin and stashes them in his van. He also steals the Batmobile—having learned from the last time, he disables the Bat-security, allowing him to drive it to the candle factory, along with his van.

Batman and Robin are secured to a chain that hangs over an enormous candle dipper. We know this because it’s labelled with a sign that says, “ENORMOUS CANDLE DIPPER.”

As they’re lowered, Riddler reveals that the book he stole has an old Incan riddle that reveals the location of the lost Incan treasure. Batman derides this plan, as the lost treasure is a legend, but Riddler insists that it’s very real.

The fumes start to get to the bad guys, so they head out to watch on the candlescope. (Yes, that’s what Moth calls it, even though it’s an ordinary periscope. What a periscope is doing in a candle factory is left as an exercise for the viewer.) Batman spies a barrel of the solution they use to treat candle wicks, which is explosive when it comes into contact with heat. Batman angles himself so a shaft of sunlight will reflect off his highly polished belt buckle (for those of you wondering what Alfred does all day) and heat up the barrel. It works (and also occasionally blinds Riddler and his henchmen when they look in the scope), but while it gets them out of immediate danger by blowing them off the hook and away from the candle wax, it leaves them unconscious on the floor.

Riddler mistakes them for being dead, and he immediately calls Gordon to taunt him and give him another riddle. Moth wonders why he’s wasting time with all that, and he says that the riddles are the whole point of the crime. Without that, there’d be no point.

Gordon is, of course, devastated at the news of the Dynamic Duo’s demise, as he might actually have to do his job now, and then the Riddler hits him with this: what has four legs, runs day and night, but never gets anywhere?

Batman and Robin wake up to see that the Batmobile is still there—Riddler said it would be too conspicuous where they were going—and they call Gordon, who’s relieved that the heroes are alive.

They deduce that the clue relates to the lion fountain in front of the Gotham City Museum. They head there. We cut to the front of the museum, which has the candle factory van parked in front of it and absolutely no sign of a lion fountain. (In other news, the set designer has been sacked. Mind you, there are two lions, but no evidence that they have any kind of fountain-y function. Robin has a line about a water shortage in an attempt to cover it up, but it’s lame.)

While the henchmen keep an eye out for the cops, Riddler and Moth search the storage room—which is full of medieval torture chambers that Riddler finds awesome and Moth finds creepy.

The Dynamic Duo arrive to see a sign that says that the Hualpo Cuisi sarcophagus will be on display soon. They figure that’s where the Riddler believes the treasure to be.

The museum is locked, but there’s a window open near the top—but the opening’s only big enough for Robin. So he climbs up and goes in—but he’s jumped by Riddler’s henchmen. Fisticuffs ensue, and they manage to capture Robin.

Riddler is devastated to see that Robin is alive. Robin cleverly says that only he survived, that Batman is actually dead. Riddler puts him on the rack.

Not having heard from Robin, Batman goes around to the back of the museum and slams the freight entrance open.

One of the henchman finds a crate that says “ANCIENT INCAN SARCOPHAGUS—DO NOT EXPOSE TO AIR!” (Apparently if it’s exposed to air, it’ll disintegrate.) But before he can open it, Batman arrives and fisticuffs ensue. But there’s a ticking clock, as a candle is heating the solvent wax around the lock on the sarcophagus crate. Batman disposes of the bad guys and puts out the candle just in time. (He actually tries to save Robin first, but the Boy Wonder reminds him of his more important duty.) O’Hara shows up, and the bad guys are all arrested.

Once the exhibit opens, Bruce, Dick, and Aunt Harriet go see it, including the priceless jewels they found in a hidden compartment in the sarcophagus. So the Riddler was right…

Fetch the Bat-shark-repellant! The bat-laser gun frees Batman and Robin’s feet from the Riddler’s super-glue. They examine the universal solvent wax with the hypospectrographic analyzer.

Holy #@!%$, Batman! When Riddler glues the Dynamic Duo’s feet to the floor of the vault, Robin cries, “holy mucilage!” When he realizes that they were poisoned by the Riddler, Robin mutters, “holy iodine!” As they’re lowered into the candle wax, Robin says, “holy paraffin!” When he reminds Batman that maybe saving the priceless artifact is more important than freeing him just at the moment, Robin says, “holy smoke!” All in all, a fairly weak holy week.

Gotham City’s finest. Batman calls for backup, but when Gordon tells O’Hara to go to the museum, he thought he meant the wax museum, so by the time he shows up, it’s all over.

Special Guest Villain. Back after “When the Rat’s Away, the Mice will Play” is Frank Gorshin for his third story of the season. He’ll be back for a fourth appearance in “Death in Slow Motion.”

No sex, please, we’re superheroes. Moth thinks that Batman is dreamy, though Riddler has to remind her that being an arch-criminal means hating Batman not drooling over him. At the end, Moth tries to say that she’s reformed, and Batman, surprisingly, does not lecture her or take pity on her as a young girl who’s just a victim of the jet-setting villain lifestyle, but instead he dismisses her and has her arrested with everyone else. (What, no Bruce Wayne Foundation for Wayward Women Who Wear Ridiculous Purple Capes?)

Na-na na-na na-na na-na na.

“Oh, if only this were the real Batman! Oh, ’tis a consummation devoutly to be wished that this too too solid flesh would melt, thaw, and resolve itself into a dew.”

“Oh, Riddler honey, that’s beautiful!”

“I wrote it myself.”

–Riddler taking credit for Shakespeare’s work.

Trivial matters: This episode was discussed on The Batcave Podcast episode 12 by host John S. Drew with special guest chum Andrew Leyland, the host of the Hey Kids, Comics! podcast.

One of Riddler’s henchmen is named “Matches,” which is an alias that Batman himself has historically used in the comics. “Matches” Malone is a low-level thug whom Batman has disguised himself as in order to get information.

The show was featured on the cover of the issue of TV Guide for the week this episode was aired.

Madam Soleil is a play on Madam Tussaud, the famous wax statue maker.

Joe E. Tata, who plays one of the thugs, and Elizabeth Harrower, who plays the librarian, will both return, the former as a different thug in “Hizzoner the Penguin”/”Dizzoner the Penguin,” the latter as Drusilla in “Enter Batgirl, Exit Penguin.”

Frank Gorshin’s role was sufficiently iconic that he actually recorded a song called “The Riddler,” which he performed live on The Dean Martin Show.

Pow! Biff! Zowie! “Two weeks out of jail, and he’s up to his old tricks.” You know, we’re at the point in the season where you really have to wonder about the judges in Gotham City. I mean, robbery, assault, attempted murder, kidnapping of a head of state, and Riddler’s already out of jail?

Anyhow, not much to say about this one that isn’t just geebling about how delightful Frank Gorshin is. I like the copious use of Shakespeare quotes in his verbal repertoire. As usual, if Riddler had just shut up and not dropped hints, he never would’ve been caught. But he himself provides his rationale: he only got into crime so he could do the riddle thing. Plus, he deserves bonus points for trying to stick around and watch Batman die instead of leaving him alone to escape the trap, and only failing to do so because of the fumes. (Mistaking unconsciousness for death is kinda sad, but whatcha gonna do?)

My only significant disappointment in this episode is that we never found out what the Incan riddle was that would enable the Riddler to find the lost treasure, nor did we learn how it was later discovered.

Bat-rating: 7

Keith R.A. DeCandido wishes Batman a happy 50th birthday! He has something, er, interesting planned to celebrate the joint 50th anniversaries of his two rewatches, Batman and Star Trek The Original Series. (Cue diabolical laughter.)

“The Joker Trumps an Ace” / “Batman Sets the Pace”
Written by Francis & Marian Cockrell
Directed by Richard C. Sarafian
Season 1, Episodes 25 and 26
Production code 8727
Original air dates: April 6 and 7, 1966

The Bat-signal: The Joker robs a fur store, tying the customers and staff up in streamers, and then stealing all the hairpins from a socialite’s hair. This is reported to Gordon, who reveals that Joker previously stole a hole from a golf course. He calls Batman, which interrupts Bruce and Dick doing a jigsaw puzzle upside down (it helps test visual memory).

While they were en route, a package was delivered to Gordon. Batman opens it “carefully” (he listens with a stethoscope then, after insisting he’ll open with extreme care, he slices the wrapping open with a pocket knife), then Robin, Gordon, and O’Hara stand behind the Bat-shield while Batman opens the box.

It turns out to just be a blow-up doll of some kind of Asian caricature that’s actually pretty danged offensive looking. It’s also hiding a tape, which has a recording of the Joker telling a stupid joke about a goldfish. Somehow, this leads them to the conclusion that he’s going after the Maharajah of Nimpah, who is playing golf with jewel-encrusted gold clubs at the same golf course from which Joker stole the hole.

Joker is already at the golf course, taking a look around the fairway from his perch atop a raised forklift (hidden by trees). Batman and Robin arrive (to the consternation of two guests of the country club), and are lead to a terrace by the club’s owner, Mr. Prescott. It was Prescott’s wife whose hairpins the Joker stole earlier, and he informs Batman that the Maharajah has started his golf game, playing with Mayor Linseed. The Maharajah needs assistance to lower and raise his corpulent form to check his shot in the hole.

When he sinks his putt, a yellow gas emits from the first hole rendering the mayor, the Maharajah, and the latter’s retinue unconscious. The Dynamic Duo sees this from afar, and their response is to stand and watch for several seconds before finally going to the Batmobile. They drive onto the green just in time to watch the Joker’s goons take both the golf clubs and—using the forklift (did I mention his corpulent form?)—the Maharajah. It’s just the henchmen, though—the Joker himself is nowhere to be seen. (This will be important later.)

But by the time they catch up to the truck, all they find is a miniature version of it—the truck itself seemingly vanished. Inside is a bad joke about cats, dogs, and $50,000, and they figure it indicates that Joker’s hideout is the Katz, Katz, & Katz Refinery, which has been abandoned for years. (Wouldn’t that be a better hideout for Catwoman?)

They arrive to find the front door open. Working their way through the darkened refinery, they eventually hear Joker’s laugh, and they find the Clown Prince of Crime himself playing poker with his thugs. But they’re actually looking at a mirror image—which was also how the truck disappeared on the golf course—and the thugs are able to ambush the Dynamic Duo and tie them up while the Joker sings a silly song at them.

Jill, his moll, thinks they don’t deserve to die, and Joker decides to give them a fighting chance, against the better judgment of his thugs (who think giving them a chance to live will be the biggest mistake of his criminal career). He shoves them in a smokestack, which he plans to fill. If they can survive for an hour, he’ll let them go. To make it more of a challenge, he neutralizes the devices in their utility belts. (Why he doesn’t just remove the belts is left as an exercise for the viewer.)

They get out of the ropes in due course, but then realize that Joker intends to fill the smokestack with gas, not water. (Robin angrily complains that they can’t float in gas, but the Joker gleefully reminds him that they can drown in it.) Jill is devastated that Joker went back on his word.

Then the Dynamic Duo go back to back, interlock their arms, and climb up the sides of the smokestack. The Joker gets rid of the gas and is furious to see no bodies. Our heroes climb out of the smokestack onto the roof. The Joker and his gang drive off in the van, and Batman and Robin head back to the Batcave, examining the hole and the hairpin the Joker stole, and realize that the gas the Joker used can only be found at Ferguson’s Novelties. They head to the shop as Bruce and Dick, figuring it’s a front for the Joker, and best to be inconspicuous.

Sure enough, it is a front for the Joker’s operation, and it’s where they’re keeping the Maharajah. Bruce is able to determine where the back room is where they’re keeping their prisoner.

They head back to the Batcave after taking a picture of the front of the novelty shop. In the Batcave, they examine the photo—which they, for some reason, took the time to get framed—so Batman can show Robin how hard it is to break into it. However, he spied a grille that covers an air duct that leads to the hills behind the shop.

Under the cover of darkness, the Dynamic Duo search the hills for the duct, find it, and leap down, bursting through the grille and declaring everyone under arrest. But Joker was ready for them, and he has a panel for defense against such a surprise attack, conveniently labelled, “SURPRISE ATTACK DEFENSE PANEL.” (Every novelty shop should have one!) He activates it, which sends confetti, streamers, and honking noises throughout the room.

Fisticuffs ensue, and Batman and Robin take care of the thugs, but the Joker and Jill escape.

Batman calls Gordon just as the Joker contacts Gordon via the police band with the ransom. The Maharajah asks for Batman’s help in paying the ransom with a personal check of the Maharajah’s. Batman, unwilling to risk the Maharajah’s life, reluctantly agrees.

The next day, they meet at the Gotham City State Bank (yes, it’s really called that). The Maharajah writes a check to Batman (“One T,” Batman cautions as he fills it out) for $500,000, Batman endorses it, and the bank gives over a suitcase full of money. But then, while the Maharajah babbles, Batman surreptitiously sticks him with a bat-arrow. Fisticuffs ensue, and it is soon revealed that there is no Maharajah: it’s the Joker in a fat suit and one of False Face’s masks. Turns out that the Maharajah was never in Gotham City, it was all a plot to get the half-million bucks, and also to tarnish Batman’s name by having it be on a bad check.

Not an hour later, Gordon calls on the Bat-phone. Alfred is rather surprised, as they only just finished putting the Joker away, but Gordon insists, so Alfred interrupts Bruce and Dick’s tea with Aunt Harriet to take the call. They’ve heard a rumor that Batman is running for governor of California, but Bruce assures him that that will never happen. (Why, they’d sooner elect a washed-up old actor!)

Fetch the Bat-shark-repellant! The Bat-shield is back! The best part is that Robin folds it up, gestures as if he’s going to hide it under his cape, and then very obviously just drops it to the floor behind the table in Gordon’s office. Batman uses the teeny-tiny yellow bat-binoculars to investigate the golf course. The metal analyzer in the Batcave is of little use but the hyperspectrographic analyzer identifies the gas the Joker used on the golf course. Batman uses a bat-arrow (which is too long to fit in any of the utility belt sections) to poke the fake Maharajah and determine that he’s wearing a fat suit.

Holy #@!%$, Batman! “Holy jack-in-the-box!” Robin cries upon seeing a giant blow-up doll emerge from a box. “Holy Taj Mahal!” he utters after getting a load of the Maharajah’s jewel-encrusted golf clubs. “Holy tee shot!” he screams when they lose the Joker’s gang after they kidnap the Maharajah. “Holy shrinkage!” he says when they find the toy truck. “Holy spider-webs,” he mutters when they walk through the abandoned refinery. “Holy eight-ball,” he laments when they’re tied up in the Joker’s rope. “Holy smokestack!” he observes upon realizing that they’re in, erm, a smokestack. “Holy impregnability!” he screams when realizing how hard it will be to break into the novelty store. “Holy camouflage!” he exclaims upon realizing they can get in through the air duct. “Holy molehill, they went into the mountain,” he wordplays upon discovering that Joker and Jill have gotten away. “Holy Golden Gate!” he grumbles when Gordon calls to ask if Batman’s running for governor of California.

Gotham City’s finest. Gordon and O’Hara stay very late at the office waiting for Batman to call. In fact, Gordon’s undone his tie and has fallen asleep on his office couch when the call finally comes in. Doesn’t the poor bastard have a home to go to?

Special Guest Villain. Back for his third and final appearance of the season, following “He Meets His Match, the Grisly Ghoul,” is Cesar Romero as the Joker. He won’t return until about a third of the way through season two in “The Impractical Joker.” It has the odd feature of Romero doing a little chant-like song. Romero was also a singer, though this was hardly the best showcase for that talent. Not surprising that this was never done again…

Na-na na-na na-na na-na na.

“If my trigonometry is correct, then based on this photograph, it should emerge right here.”

“Gosh, Batman, I’ll never neglect my math again.”

–Batman drawing a triangle on a picture and trying to pass it off as trig, with Robin being reminded that you do use math in real life.

Trivial matters: This episode was discussed on The Batcave Podcast episode 13 by host John S. Drew with special guest chum Kevin Lauderdale, author, journalist, poet, and podcaster.

This is one of two stories by the husband-and-wife team of Francis & Marian Cockrell, who will return to pen “The Minstrel’s Shakedown”/”Barbecued Batman?” in season two. They were both veteran screenwriters, though they only sometimes collaborated. Something else they collaborated on was their daughter, novelist Amanda Cockrell, author of, among other things, Pomegranate Seed.

This is the first of two appearances by Byron Keith as Mayor Linseed, a play on John Lindsay, who took office as mayor of New York City at the beginning of 1966, swearing his oath of office just eleven days prior to Batman‘s debut. He’ll be seen again later in the season in “The Bookworm Turns.”

Joker’s truck is labelled “Let Gayfellow take you to the Cleaners,” which I mention only because Cesar Romero was referred to as a “confirmed bachelor,” which was often Hollywood code for “homosexual” (SEE ALSO: Liberace). I only even mention it because the truck doesn’t really make any sense, as it doesn’t track with either of the Joker’s hideouts in the episode (a refinery and a novelty shop). Then again, it just fits in with everything else in this story that doesn’t make sense.

Pow! Biff! Zowie! “If they do not see the joke, pull the rope and let them choke!” What a mess of a story. The Joker robs a fur shop just to steal the hairpins of the wife of the golf club owner? And a hole in the golf course so he can gimmick it with a gas to render the Maharajah unconscious?

And then in the end the Joker is the Maharajah? Basically, it was all an elaborate con to get half a million dollars and disgrace Batman. Er, okay, sure. But if that’s the case, then why try to kill Batman in the smokestack? If he needed Batman for the Maharajah scheme, why try to gas him to death? Also, how can a check made out to “Batman” actually be cash-able by a bank?

Plus we have a truly offensive performance by Dan Seymore as the Maharajah (or, rather, Joker disguised as the Maharajah), with his weirdly broken English and all the weak-tea fat jokes, both visual on the golf course and verbal from Aunt Harriet in the tag.

Speaking of the tag, what the hell? Alfred and Bruce are confused by the Bat-phone ringing at the end of an episode, as if criminals all work on a timetable, and agree not to step on each others’ toes. (“Hang on, Riddler, Joker only just went back to jail. Let’s give it a day before tormenting Batman.”) All so we can get a stupid joke about the California gubernatorial election. (It was a big thing in 1966, as incumbent Governor Pat Brown’s popularity was declining—plus he was running for a third term after saying he wouldn’t—and a bunch of candidates on both the Democrat and Republican side were promising to “clean up” California, still reeling from the Watts riots and antiwar demonstrations at UC Berkley. Eventually Ronald Reagan won in a landslide.)

I meant to mention this in “True or False Face” / “Holy Rat Race,” but there were times when it was really obvious that Victor Paul, Burt Ward’s stunt double, looked about as much like Ward as Madge Blake did. The False Face two-parter had a couple of shots where the use of the double was blindingly obvious, and “Batman Sets the Pace” had a couple as well, both the first shot of the pair of them climbing up the smokestack, and most of the shots in the novelty store fight scene, where director Richard C. Sarafian probably thought all the Joker’s streamers and confetti would disguise the faces (they didn’t).

Bat-rating: 4

Keith R.A. DeCandido will be at Arisia 2016 this weekend in Boston, Massachusetts, along with guests of honor John Scalzi, Johnna Y. Klukas, Pablo Miguel Alberto Vazquez III, and Venetia Charles. His full schedule—which includes a tribute Batman on its 50th anniversary—can be found here.

“The Curse of Tut” / “The Pharaoh’s in a Rut”
Written by Robert C. Dennis & Earl Barret
Directed by Charles R. Rondeau
Season 1, Episodes 27 and 28
Production code 8729
Original air dates: April 13 and 14, 1966

The Bat-signal: We open with the narrator failing his saving roll against “clever renaming of New York places” by referring to Gotham Central Park. First we have an establishing shot that is stock footage of Central Park in New York City, which cuts to a park that is so obviously a park in Los Angeles (or at least not a park in Manhattan, as you can’t see any buildings). Two guys in mummy masks place an Egyptian statue into the park, and then remove their masks for no compellingly good reason.

The crowd in the park react bizarrely to the statue (one woman screams, and others stand in shock). Then the statue starts to broadcast a voice (which would be the time for screams and shock): “It is written in the stars that on this day shall the great King of the Nile rise up from the tomb and he shall claim his kingdom of Gotham City, and all who oppose him shall be smitten dead.”

Gordon receives a report about the statue (referred to as a sphinx, but which is in fact a ram-headed god, probably Khnum), but O’Hara points out that it could just be a publicity stunt by the Gotham City Museum, which is opening a new exhibit of Egyptian art. Grumpy about the depths to which press agents will sink in these horrible times, Gordon calls his good friend (and member of the board of trustees of the museum) Bruce Wayne, who is about to go to the museum with Dick and Aunt Harriet. Bruce and Dick are very confused by the receipt of a phone call from Gordon to the house that isn’t for Batman, but he gets over it and answers the phone. Bruce assures the commissioner that it is not a publicity stunt, so Gordon goes to the Bat-phone.

Showing some quick thinking, Alfred grabs a red book off the library shelf, and brings it to Bruce, who “remembers” that he promised the museum trustees that he’d look over that volume for them. He promises Harriet that they’ll go another time—the artifacts have waited thousands of years, after all—and answers the Bat-phone.

They slide down the poles and head to GCPD HQ. They finally come out and say who the villain is: King Tut, who was believed to be killed in a warehouse fire. We also get his origin: he was a mild-mannered Egyptology professor at Yale University until he was struck on the head during a student riot (at Yale????), and now believes himself to be King Tut and that Gotham City is the reincarnation of Thebes, which he must rule. (Why he didn’t believe New Haven to be Thebes is left as an exercise for the viewer. So is why an Egyptology professor would refer to himself as “King Tut” rather than “Pharaoh Tutankhamun.”)

Batman and Robin believe he should be pitied, that he’s a sick man—but with caution, as he is still dangerous. They go to investigate the statue itself.

King Tut himself has set up shop in an old exhibit, with a harem of women and his henchmen, all dressed in Egyptian finery. He explains to his two primary henchmen, the Royal Scrivener and the Grand Vizier, why he announced his plan ahead of time: it’s to lure Batman and Robin to the park for a trap. He also pronounces the Scrivener to be a twit.

Speaking of twits, Batman and Robin arrive at the park, where Batman confidently states that the statue is a “rather good imitation” of the Sphinx at Giza. The statue, in fact, looks absolutely nothing like the Sphinx at Giza (that’s the one with the missing nose that is what everyone thinks of when you say the word “sphinx”).

The statue makes a second announcement: “Whosoever transgresses upon the sacred Sphinx shall be smitten down by Anubis, the jackal god guardian of the cemeteries—and that goes double for Batman.” (They actually got Anubis right, too!) The Dynamic Duo say, “Challenge accepted!” and climb all over the statue. They find a handle, and then Batman, fearing a booby trap, ties a string to it and pulls on it from a distance. A knife juts out from the statue, which would have stabbed anyone who pulled the handle up close.

From a nearby phone booth, King Tut’s moll Nefertiti observes. She’s pissed that the trap didn’t work, so she signals King Tut’s nearby truck with her mirror reflected off the sun. King Tut asks what message is brought by Ra (nice touch, as he’s the sun god, so that’s two in a row…), and is furious to learn that the trap didn’t work.

Batman and Robin see her walking across the park, Batman identifying her outfit as fourteenth dynasty, which is also King Tut’s dynasty—which is also wrong, as Tutankhamun was eighteenth dynasty. They try to grab her, but she throws an exploding asp at them and runs away. (Of course, the asp is more associated with Cleopatra than Nefertiti, but we’ll let that one go…) Then King Tut’s henchmen attack, and fisticuffs ensue.

They drive the henchmen off, but don’t go after them, because Batman believes that was the point of the attack. Instead, they’ll nab Tut at the museum.

Later, Bruce is giving a tour to the press of the Egyptian exhibit. He refers to a gold snake as being made of carnelian (which is red, not gold), and refers to the cobra as the symbol of upper Egypt, with the vulture the symbol of lower Egypt—which is precisely backwards, as it’s the other way around. The press nod and assume he’s right because he’s rich and stuff. (Either that or they’re taking notes for their articles on how stupid the idle rich are.) One reporter asks a question, which is notable because he’s African American, quite possibly the first black person we’ve seen in Gotham City…

He then takes them to a mummy’s sarcophagus, which he says was of a ruler of the fourteenth dynasty, which would put it in the 1500s BC—except it isn’t, the fourteenth dynasty ended in 1650 BC. He then casually opens the 3500-year-old sarcophagus like it’s a bathroom door and exposes the fragile mummy to open air. Good job of preservation, there, Gotham City Museum!

But then the mummy’s eyes open, and he falls out of the sarcophagus. The reporter immediately says that the prophecy the statue mentioned has come true, which is a helluva leap. They unwrap the head to reveal King Tut, but nobody recognizes him, even though he’s a known criminal. An ambulance is called, and two EMTs show up (who happen to be the Scrivener and the Vizier). Bruce goes with them, and then the Vizier gasses him. They unzip King Tut out of his mummy suit (and why did no one notice the zipper when he fell face-first out of the sarcophagus?) and strap the unconscious Bruce into the gurney. The henchmen go off with Bruce while King Tut sneaks out the service entrance (tossing his mummy suit into a random cabinet in the museum) into his truck. Once inside, he connects to the statue in the park via telephone and puts Nefertiti on the line. She reads off cue cards: “It was written in the stars and it has come to pass. The great king of the Nile has risen from the sands of time to reclaim his lost kingdom.”

She then puts King Tut on, and he declares his first royal act: kidnapping Bruce. He will announce the ransom at a later time, but he warns the cops and the Dynamic Duo to not interfere until then.

Gordon immediately goes to the Bat-phone, which Robin answers. Robin is devastated to learn that Bruce has been kidnapped, and then stupidly tells Gordon that he has no idea where Batman is. Harriet also heard about the kidnapping on the three-o’clock news, and she’s beside herself.

In the back of the ambulance, Bruce wakes up and tries to get himself out of the ambulance, finding himself exiting via the rear door, the gurney zipping down a hill, and heading straight for a construction site that includes a three-hundred-foot drop. Oops.

However, he manages to break out of the straps just before the gurney goes over the cliff.

Back at his HQ, Tut turns off the demolition derby (which his harem was watching) to put on the news, which has an interview with Gordon and Batman, where the latter reveals that he “rescued” Bruce himself. Ahem. He also says that he’ll be researching these ancient crimes in the library at Alexandria, and he’ll be on the first jet to Egypt.

Nefertiti makes the mistake of mentioning King Tut’s past as a professor at Yale and he has her taken away by his royal torturers. He intends to take advantage of Batman bouncing around belfries in Egypt to again abduct Bruce.

Of course, Batman’s trip to Egypt is a ruse to lull King Tut into a false sense of security. He knows that King Tut will try to kidnap Bruce again. First he sends Harriet off on a weekend in the country to keep her safe, then he sets up a totally convincing dummy of Bruce on the couch (one which fools Harriet into thinking it’s Bruce asleep). Batman and Robin hide behind a very thin credenza that provides no cover whatsoever, and Batman continues to show his total lack of knowledge of anything Egyptian by announcing that ancient Egyptian super-criminals always struck at six o’clock, or the hour of the hyena (the Egyptians didn’t have labelled hours like that). Robin then asks if there’s anything Batman doesn’t know, and Batman modestly says there are many things he doesn’t know, and boy is he not kidding.

Alfred swallows a universal antidote pill, and then answers the door for a henchman dressed as a cop and using a comedy Irish accent (yes, even worse than Stafford Repp’s). The fake cop gases Alfred, who fakes a fall for appearance’s sake, then the henchman gases the Bruce dummy. The fake cop runs out to get the other henchmen, during which time Robin takes away the dummy and Alfred wraps Batman up in a blanket after Batman leaps dramatically onto the sofa for no compellingly good reason. The bad guys take Batman away. Robin tracks him via the receiver in his cowl, and also calls Gordon and O’Hara (interrupting their afternoon tea) to fill them in.

Unfortunately, the henchmen slug him on the head to be sure, and discover that it’s actually Batman. The clunk on the head also probably damaged the cowl receiver, as Robin loses the signal.

King Tut places Batman in a giant jar, with only his head exposed, right next to Nefertiti. Both of them are subject to the pebble torture, which involves a thousand tiny pebbles being dropped on the victim’s head in succession. Nefertiti has pretty much gone completely binky bonkers, cluck cluck, gibber gibber, my old man’s a mushroom, etc. Batman tries to get King Tut to remember his past as a professor at Yale, but King Tut is having none of it.

Robin and Alfred try to extrapolate Batman’s location based on what they know of his location, and they realize he’s at the fake Egyptian palace from last year’s Gotham City Expo. Gordon calls to inform them that King Tut has captured Batman and is ransoming him for one million dollars, to be paid by Bruce. But Gordon can’t find Bruce—there’s no answer at his stately mansion—but Robin says he’ll find the millionaire. He and Alfred then go into the Batmobile (Alfred has to drive, as Robin doesn’t yet have a license).

We cut to King Tut’s HQ, where both Batman and Nefertiti are reciting “Twinkle twinkle little bat.” King Tut demands music and instructs his prisoners to dance. We get a dual rendition of the Batusi, but Batman is using it as a cover. He uses his groovy dance moves to punch two henchmen, and then fisticuffs ensue—just as Robin shows up. Batman announces that he recited the multiplication tables backwards in order to keep his sanity.

The Dynamic Duo are victorious, but they go outside to find Alfred dazed and the Batmobile stolen by King Tut. So they give chase in King Tut’s own truck. Batman tries to control the Batmobile remotely, and activate the ejector seat, but it doesn’t work. King Tut then tries to hit them with the Bat-beam, but when he activates the beam, the ejector seat goes off, sending King Tut flying through the air. Batman puts the finishing touches on with a sock to the jaw.

Later, in Gordon’s office, King Tut wakes up restored to his former professorial self. “Whatever will the dean say?” he wonders.

Fetch the Bat-shark-repellant! Robin uses the Bat-scanner to track Batman after King Tut’s people have taken him, but after they lose the signal, there’s only one hope to track him down: THE GIANT LIGHTED LUCITE MAP OF GOTHAM CITY! Hooray! That leads them to the Gotham City Plans and Views machine to find King Tut’s HQ. The Batmobile has Bat-smoke that spews from the back of the car, obscuring it from view of any pursuers, as well as a Bat-beam, but Batman can also (theoretically) control the Batmobile remotely via the Voice-Control Batmobile Relay-Cicruit. In addition, Batman happens to have a perfectly lifelike and convincing dummy of Bruce Wayne just lying around the Batcave…

Robin also has a tiny utility belt transmitter, but I understand there are pills you can take for that.

Holy #@!%$, Batman! Robin’s response to the Egyptian threat is “Holy hieroglyphics!” because of course it is. (It’s got alliteration and everything!) When the statue in the park makes a noise like a howling wind, he cries, “Holy hurricane!” Upon seeing the knife booby trap in the statue, he cries, “Holy whiskers!” When he sees Nefertiti walking across the park, he yells, “Holy masquerade!” He yells, “Holy asp!” when Nefertiti tosses an exploding snake at them. Because he’s stupid, he asks Batman if he’s really going to Egypt, prefacing his query with “Holy travel agent!” After King Tut hits them with the Bat-smoke, he cries, of course, “Holy smoke!”

Also in the voiceover at the end of “The Curse of Tut,” William Dozier says, “Holy cliffhanger!”

Gotham City’s finest. Gordon calls Wayne Manor. Alfred answers the phone and summons Bruce. Not thirty seconds later, Gordon uses the Bat-phone, and the same guy answers the phone and summons Batman. Then again, he doesn’t notice that Bruce and Batman have the same voice, either.

Gordon also assumes Batman is talking about Alexandria, Virginia, the suburb of Washington D.C., not Alexandria, Egypt. Doofus.

Special Guest Villain. Victor Buono makes the first of several appearances as King Tut, who has the distinction of being the first villain to be wholly created for the TV series. (Technically, Zelda the Great was, also, but she was still based on a character from the comics.) He’ll be back in the second season’s “The Spell of Tut” / “Tut’s Case is Shut.”

No sex, please, we’re superheroes. Nefertiti says that Batman turns her on: he’s “clean cut and groovy.”

Na-na na-na na-na na-na na.

“Nefertiti, you abandoned wench, how many times must I tell you? Queens consume nectar and ambrosia, not hot dogs!”

“So I get hungry—living on nothing but figs and dates and pomegranates. You want a bite?”

“Aaaaah! Unclean!”

–King Tut’s extreme reaction to Nefertiti eating a hot dog.

Trivial matters: This episode was discussed on The Batcave Podcast episode 14 by host John S. Drew with special guest chum Jim Beard, author, comics historian, journalist, and editor of the collection Gotham City 14 Miles, which had numerous essays about this series.

Eventually, a version of King Tut did appear in the comics, in Batman Confidential #26 in 2009, by Christina Weir, Nunzio DeFillippis, & José Luis García-López. Instead of William McElroy (which will be established as King Tut’s real name later in the series), the comic book King Tut was named Victor Goodman, a play on Victor Buono (“buono” is Italian for “good”).

King Tut also, like many characters from this series, appeared in the animated series The Brave and the Bold, but because 20th Century Fox actually still owns the rights to televised versions of the character, he had to be renamed the Pharaoh.

Writers Robert C. Dennis & Earl Barret will return to write King Tut’s second appearance next season, though these four episodes are their only Batman credits.

The Grand Vizier is played by Don Barry, who was the lead in The Adventures of Red Ryder movie serial. He’ll be back as Tarantula in “Black Widow Strikes Again” / “Caught in the Spider’s Den” in season 2. Veteran character actor Bill Quinn plays the board member, notable mainly because Quinn’s final screen role was as McCoy’s father in Star Trek V: The Final Frontier. (It’s the least of the connections between the original Trek and Batman ’66—cf. Julie Newmar, Roger C. Carmel, Malachi Throne, Stephen Kandel, etc.—but it amused me.)

The newscaster in “The Pharaoh’s in a Rut” is played by Olan Soule, who would go on to become the definitive animated voice of Batman between 1968 and 1983, doing Bats’ voice on The
Batman/Superman Hour, Scooby-Doo, Sesame Street, and almost all the iterations of SuperFriends. He was replaced for 1984’s SuperFriends: The Legendary Super Powers Show by none other than Adam West, though as a consolation prize, Soule took over the voice of Martin Stein, one half of Firestorm.

Pow! Biff! Zowie! “Loyal subjects and Helots, this is your king.” What a hilarious disaster of an episode. Victor Buono is a delight as King Tut, so far over the top that his nose should be bleeding. In a particularly entertaining touch, his two primary henchmen speak in the same overblown style as him when speaking directly at him, but continue to do so in their Brooklyn-esque thug accents. Meanwhile, Palestinian actor Ziva Rodann, who has a lovely, elegant voice complete with exotic accent, has mostly slang-laden dialogue as Nefertiti (“Home, toots, and step on it!”).

I can’t decide if Batman’s constant stream of misinformation about Egypt is meant to be satirical or if the writers were just too lazy to get it right. Goodness knows, most non-European cultures got a perfunctory treatment at best from contemporary screenwriters (cf. Mission: Impossible, The Man from U.N.C.L.E., etc., not to mention Star Trek‘s botching of Sikhs in “Space Seed“), so it’s probably the latter, but what I love is that it goes beyond the usual oversimplifications. You could just have everyone refer to the statue in the park that totally isn’t a sphinx as a sphinx, but they double down and have Batman say it’s a perfect replica of something it doesn’t look anything like. You could just have Bruce giving the tour to the reporters and discuss the value of the crown, but they double down and have him specify which animal symbolizes which region and getting it entirely wrong.

This is only the second time the cliffhanger has been Bruce in danger rather than Batman, and I’m amused that both here and in “Fine Feathered Finks,” Bruce is bound, lying down, and heading feet-first toward his doom. In this case, though, it’s Bruce’s own stupid fault. Seriously, why did he think busting out of an ambulance and careening down a hill was a good idea?

Some of the social commentary is also hilariously absurd. Student demonstrations were a big deal in the time period, of course: Civil Rights-related and Vietnam War-related. In particular, the University of California-Berkeley was the site of some particularly nasty demonstrations. But the notion of such a riot at Yale, of all places…

At the end of “The Pharaoh’s in a Rut,” Batman implores Gordon to put King Tut (who is being kept on Gordon’s couch? Are the holding cells full?) in a psychiatric institution, but Gordon laments that such institutions are overcrowded and “the taxpayers are blind to our pleas.” Taxpayers? I would think that’s more an issue for those who collect the taxes, yes? And, of course, everyone’s so very concerned for King Tut, but what about Nefertiti, who was driven insane by the pebble torture? Shouldn’t her mental health be of more concern than that of the guy who caused it?

Finally, I love the fact that the Batusi is brought back for no good reason except to bring it back. I mean, really, Batman did not need to go through that charade, he could’ve made with the fisticuffs the minute they broke him out of the jar, but then we wouldn’t get to see more of him busting a Bat-move!

This episode definitely falls into the “so bad it’s good” category, as I was grinning ear to ear the whole time I was watching it. Mostly that’s on Buono, though Adam West has his more-earnest-than-thou meter turned up to 9 on this one, as well.

Bat-rating: 7

Keith R.A. DeCandido is the author of the new Marvel’s Tales of Asgard trilogy. Book 1, Thor: Dueling with Giants, is available now as an eBook, and you can preorder the print edition, which is due in March. You can also preorder the print edition of Book 2, Sif: Even Dragons Have Their Endings, and Keith is hard at work on Book 3, The Warriors Three: Godhood’s End.

“The Bookworm Turns” / “While Gotham City Burns”
Written by Rik Vollaerts
Directed by Larry Peerce
Season 1, Episodes 29 and 30
Production code 8717
Original air dates: April 20 and 21, 1966

The Bat-signal: A new bridge has been built in Gotham City, the Amerigo Columbus Bridge, and the ribbon cutting ceremony has Gordon in attendance. Back at Wayne Manor, Bruce and Dick are watching the ceremony on TV, and Dick sees the Bookworm. Bookworm radios one of his henchmen, Printer’s Devil, to start “chapter one,” and Printer’s Devil shoots Gordon, who falls to his doom over the bridge and into the river. Bruce and Dick see this on TV and are outraged. Unwilling to wait for the Bat-phone on this one, they head out of their own initiative to avenge their friend’s death.

After they park at GCPD HQ, Bookworm’s moll, Lydia Limpet, leaves a copy of For Whom the Bell Tolls on the passenger seat of the Batmobile.

Upstairs, everyone grieving over Gordon is interrupted—by Gordon, alive and well! He was given a traffic ticket and was unable to make the ceremony. The ticket was filled out by a cop (whom Gordon describes as “monumentally stupid”) with badge #1887, and the name A.S. Scarlet. O’Hara says there is no badge with that number on the force, but A Study in Scarlet, the first Sherlock Holmes novel by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was published in 1887. That’s a typical Bookworm clue, relating to literature.

They’re interrupted by the Batmobile bomb detector, and Batman hits the eject button, causing the Hemingway volume to shoot up into the air to explode harmlessly. (And hey, at least it was Hemingway, and not an actual good book…)

Printer’s Devil, eating lunch on the stairs of police headquarters, reports in that Plot A was a washout, but Plot B is still “up in the air.” Sure enough, the Dynamic Duo find the cover to the book intact—Batman guesses that it’s made from asbestos, so he and Robin will probably be participating in mesothelioma lawsuits in their old age—and they assume it refers to the John Donne quote Hemingway was using for his title: that the bell tolls for thee.

Back at the Batcave, they find no clues on the cover, but then Batman finally remembers the plot of the Hemingway novel: during the Spanish Civil War, Robert Jordan (no, not that one) is assigned to blow up a bridge.

At his hideout—which is, of course, covered in floor-to-ceiling bookshelves—Bookworm refuses to give specifics to his henchmen. Lydia wonders why he doesn’t write his own novel, and he explodes with rage, coming within a hairsbreadth of beating Lydia to death with a large hardcover. Luckily for Lydia, the book in question is The Secret of Success: Self-Control, and he speed-reads the book, thus not braining Lydia.

Gordon alerts Batman and Robin to a disturbance at a warehouse involving a bridge, which turns out to be a huge image of the Amerigo Columbus Bridge projected onto the wall. In photographer’s lingo, it’s a “blow up” of the bridge. Play on words!

They climb the wall of the warehouse to get a better view of the area, so they can find where the image is being projected from. (En route, they briefly meet Jerry Lewis. Why Jerry Lewis is in a warehouse is left as an exercise for the viewer.) They see the projector in an alley, and they reverse-bat-climb down and head over to the alley in the Batmobile—only to find an abandoned bookmobile, complete with giant purple projector.

They hit the bookmobile with a sonic ray at 12,000 deciBels, which drives Bookworm and the henchmen—but not Lydia—from the van. Fisticuffs ensue—though not until Batman urges the henchmen to remove their eyeglasses, as you should never hit someone wearing glasses—but then the bad guys all escape through a trapdoor.

Batman and Robin check the bookmobile, to find Lydia bound and gagged. I sure hope they turned off the 12,000 dB ray before she got permanent ear damage. They “rescue” her by gassing her and bringing her to the Batcave. Batman worries that she might be a spy, so they hook her up to the Hypermetric Lie-Detector to interrogate her while she’s unconscious. She reveals that she is one of Bookworm’s employees, but she doesn’t actually know anything, save that whatever Bookworm is planning, he can’t do it until the Dynamic Duo are dead.

They bring her back to the bookmobile just as the gas wears off. She then says that she overheard the whole plan: he’ll strike at midnight! Bookworm will rob the replica of Independence Hall, stealing the original Declaration of Independence.

Batman knows it’s a trap, but he walks into it anyhow, because—well, why not? He goes off in the Batmobile, leaving Robin to guard Lydia. She tries to get him to untie her, but he says she might be hurt, and they should wait for paramedics. So she asks him to read her a story—say from the fourth book from the end?—and as soon as he opens it, he’s gassed unconscious. She calls Bookworm—and reveals that she knows Batman’s cottoned to them, because Robin rather stupidly called her “Miss Limpet,” even though she never (consciously) gave him her name.

Robin is tied to the hammer in the bell of the Wayne Memorial Clock Tower. When the clock strikes midnight, Robin will be beaten against the bell twelve times.

Batman arrives at Independence Hall to find O’Hara, who says that there’s no sign of the Bookworm—nor was Robin in the alley where Batman said he’d be with Lydia. Batman tries contacting him on the radio, to no avail. Batman goes into a weird trance-like state to remember what Lydia said, including the part about how “he strikes at midnight.” The clock inside the Wayne Memorial Clock Tower is called “Big Benjamin,” so it’s the only clock in town referred to as “he.” Remembering the For Whom the Bell Tolls theme Bookworm has been going for, Batman deduces that Robin’s in the bell. Sure.

He and O’Hara head over in the Batmobile (O’Hara looking nauseated and also deafened by the noise of the engine), and sure enough they see Robin in the bell. O’Hara tries shooting the clockworks, but they aren’t even dented by gunfire. They set up the Bat-zooka to fire Bat-ropes at both the lightning rod atop the tower and the clock hands. Batman then attaches both ends to leads that will give them both a positive charge from the turbines in the Batmobile, and thus repel each other, keeping Robin safe because SCIENCE!

Bookworm is furious to realize that the bell hasn’t rung, but he gets over it, misattributing a common proverb (“facts are stubborn things”) to Gil Blas, as translated by Tobias Smollett. (Smollett did actually translate an edition of Gil Blas, which had that line in it, which was also famously quoted by John Adams, but it predates both…) Bookworm then goes to Wayne Manor, posing as someone from the bookmobile service. Aunt Harriet requests something that will be good to read in bed, and he hands her Congressional Record 1919—which, like the history text Lydia gave Robin to “read,” gasses her. Then Bookworm steals a rare first-edition cookbook.

Gordon calls Batman and Robin to inform them of the theft (which is pretty embarrassing, since they were right downstairs in the Batcave the whole time) and also of a giant cookbook that just appeared at Cedar and 5th. Gordon assured them that no one in Wayne Manor was hurt, so the Dynamic Duo put their duty to the public over duty to family and head out in the Batmobile to check out the big-ass cookbook. They determine that it’s hollow and open it with a portable magnet. The hollow part is covered in paper, and they cut through to find a kitchenette, complete with something simmering on a stove. Bookworm says over a PA system that it’s bat-soup and then closes the door, trapping them inside the giant cookbook (writing that phrase will never get old).

Bookworm turns on the double boiler, which steams the innards of the tome. Batman tries to call the police, but the radio can’t get through the steel cover of the giant cookbook they’re trapped in (see?), and the bat-laser will make it even hotter inside, cooking them even faster.

Luckily, the cops show up anyhow, showing rare initiative. But they can’t seem to get through the cover, either. However, while police radios couldn’t pick up the distress call, the super-sensitive Bat-antenna in the Batcave is up to the task! It’s Alfred’s usual time to dust the atomic pile (!) and so he hears the mayday.

Bookworm has stolen the Batmobile (hey, remember when the car had an anti-theft device?) and is headed to the Morganbilt Library to use the Bat-beam to break into it. They have seven Gutenberg Bibles and eleven Shakespeare First Folios. Lydia is worried about their success, quoting the line about the best-laid plans of mice and men, and Bookworm angrily corrects her that it’s “best-laid schemes” in Robert Burns’s poem To a Mouse.

The cops mange to get the cookbook open, but there’s no sign of the Dynamic Duo. Turns out Alfred was able to determine that there was a manhole cover under the stove, through which the steam was introduced. They escaped that way and headed to the Morganbilt, since Bookworm’s gloating about the plan to Lydia in the Batmobile was picked up by the car’s security system.

Fisticuffs ensue, and our heroes are victorious.

Bruce and Dick go to Gordon’s office to provide a donation to improve the prison library. Bruce says he was inspired by reading about the Bookworm affair in the papers, and I would think he might have instead said he heard of it from the fact that Bookworm broke into his house. They get to see Bookworm and Lydia before they’re carted off to the penitentiary, and Bookworm can’t resist gloating about how clever he is, and he quotes “the poet”—but Bruce corrects him, as the line he quotes is from a prose writer, Cervantes, in The Ingenious Gentleman Don Quixote of La Mancha. Oops.

Fetch the Bat-shark-repellant! Batman keeps a Batmobile bomb detector in his utility belt, which comes with its own remote ejector seat activator. He also has gas that renders someone unconscious but has absolutely no side effects. The Batmobile has an ultrasonic Bat-ray that can go up to at least 12,000 dB, a high-energy radar that can tell something’s hollow but can’t tell that there’s an entire kitchenette inside, and a portable magnet (which is yellow and purple for some reason). Batman has a Hypermetric Lie-Detector, which means, I guess, that it uses a lot of metrics to detect lies? There’s also a voice-actuator for the Anti-Crime Computer, which is handy if you need to give voice commands to the computer while being trapped inside a giant cookbook (really, it just does not get old!). Oh, and we get two more uses of the Bat-zooka!

He also has a service that picks up the parachutes that are used for Bat-turns of the Batmobile (which is good to know, as previous uses of the parachutes indicated that he just left them there in the middle of the street, which is, if nothing else, littering). Said service is called, naturally, “Batmobile Parachute Pickup Service,” at least according to their van.

Holy #@!%$, Batman! Dick cries, “Holy homicide!” when Gordon is shot on TV, then “Holy reincarnation” when he turns up alive. “Holy explosion!” is his utterance when the bomb in the Hemingway book goes off over the Batmobile. When they deduce that Bookworm wants to blow up a bridge, Robin yells, “Holy detonator!” Upon seeing the giant projection of the bridge on the warehouse, he cries, “Holy magic lantern!” and when they use the Bat-zooka to fire the Bat-rope to the top of the warehouse, he yells, “Holy bulls-eye!” When they find Lydia tied up in the bookmobile, he utters, “Holy Cinderella!” and when he realizes how Bookworm plans to kill him within the bell, he mutters, “holy headache.” When they drive up to the giant cookbook, he yells, “Holy tome!” and when they’re trapped inside it, he mutters, “holy stewpot” and “holy pressure cooker!”

After meeting Batman and Robin, Jerry Lewis cries, “Holy human flies!” And William Dozier’s cliffhanger narration starts with, “Holy midnight!”

Gotham City’s finest. O’Hara actually proves a useful aid to Batman, establishing that Bookworm didn’t go to the Independence Hall replica at all, helping set up the Bat-zooka to free Robin, and actually getting the cookbook open. (Hilariously, if Batman and Robin had just been patient, the cops would’ve got them out which, if nothing else, would have spared them wandering around the sewers. Have you seen sewers? They’re icky!)

Special Guest Villain. Roddy McDowall makes his first and only appearance as the Bookworm—like King Tut last time, he was created specifically for the TV show, but unlike Tut, he would not return again. However, McDowall would go on to do the voice of the Mad Hatter on Batman: The Animated Series in the 1990s, and he also narrated the audiobook of Craig Shaw Gardner’s novelization of the 1989 Batman film.

No sex, please, we’re superheroes. Robin is unwilling to believe that Lydia’s a bad guy until the lie-detector proves it, because she’s so purrrrty!

Na-na na-na na-na na-na na.

“It’s just what it looks like—a perfectly ordinary asbestos book cover.”

–Robin, not getting what “perfectly ordinary” means.

Trivial matters: This episode was discussed on The Batcave Podcast episode 15 by host John S. Drew with special guest chum Gary Mitchel, co-director of the American Sci-Fi Classics track at Dragon Con and cohost of RevolutionSF’s RevCast.

This episode inaugurates the celebrity-cameo-in-the-window-during-the-Bat-climb motif that would become a running gag throughout the series: Jerry Lewis pops his head through a window in a warehouse. It was a fitting start, as Jerry Lewis also had his own DC comic (originally The Adventures of Dean Martin & Jerry Lewis starting in 1952, it was changed to simply The Adventures of Jerry Lewis in 1957 when Martin & Lewis split up, and lasted until 1971; Batman and Robin guest-starred in issue #97). In addition, Lewis had worked extensively with Francine York, who played Lydia, as she appeared in six of Lewis’s films.

The Amerigo Columbus bridge mashes together the names of cartographer Amerigo Vespucci—for whom America is named—and sailor Christopher Columbus—one of the first Europeans to sail to the western hemisphere. Similarly, the Morganbilt Library is a mashup of the Morgan and Vanderbilt families, who have endowed numerous libraries in New York City.

Big Benjamin is a play on Big Ben, the famous bell in the clock tower in the Palace of Westminster in London.

Bookworm eventually did appear in the comics, initially brought into The Huntress in issue #7 in 1989. In addition, the character appeared briefly in the animated series The Brave and the Bold, as well as an issue of the Batman ’66 comic book.

Byron Keith returns as Mayor Linseed in the opening of “The Bookworm Turns.” He’ll be back in “The Yegg Foes in Gotham” in season two.

This was Rik Vollaerts’s only script for Batman. He’d go on to pen the longest-titled episode in Star Trek history “For the World is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky.”

There are forty-eight Gutenberg Bibles extant, but they are spread throughout the world. In fact, only four locations have more than one: the Pierpont Morgan Library in New York City (which has three), the British Library in London, the Gutenberg Musseum in Mainz, and Bibliothèque National de France in Paris (two each). So the Morganbilt having seven is a neat trick.

Pow! Biff! Zowie! “My brain-drenched mind has done it again.” The only reason why this episode is worth watching is the great Roddy McDowall as Bookworm. This is one of the few Batman villains who comes across as genuinely dangerous, mostly because of his occasional mad outbursts. When Lydia reminds him of his failed attempt to be a novelist, he almost clubs her to death with a huge hardcover, and you honestly believe he’ll do it. When he realizes that Robin hasn’t had his brains dashed out against the bell, his fury is scary enough to send his henchmen into hiding, and the viewer is tempted to join them.

And hearing him spout quotations is entertaining, though the best part is when he corrects Lydia’s misquote of Robert Burns, which is one of the most common misquotes in the history of literature. Plus the design work on both Bookworm (with his leather outfit, hat with reading lamp, huge glasses, and magnifying glass) and his henchmen (all wearing glasses, and all wearing paper hats made from folded book pages) is superlative.

Unfortunately, McDowall is pretty much the only thing that recommends this incoherent mess. The story starts with a very nasty, promising opening, with Gordon being suddenly and violently shot—but it turns out to be a ruse that serves absolutely no purpose. Once Gordon is revealed to be alive, the whole thing’s never even referenced again. In fact, nothing Bookworm does prior to trapping Batman and Robin in the giant cookbook (it really doesn’t get old!) serves any useful function, since that is what allows him to steal the Batmobile to use the Bat-beam to break into the Morganbilt Library. Everything else just sorta kinda happens because the script calls for it, and it’s so overstuffed and unnecessary that even Batman says it’s overly complicated and amateurish in “While Gotham City Burns” as they’re driving toward the giant cookbook, in which they are later trapped (nope, still not old).

There are moments here and there. Neil Hamilton does a nice job selling the fake Gordon’s “death,” as well as the commissioner’s total confusion when he walks into his office to a bunch of people acting (from his POV) like idiots. And we get a rare look at badass Alfred, as 63-year-old Alan Napier leaps over the atomic pile railing to answer the Bat-radio. (Take that, Sean Pertwee!)

But overall, it’s a great vehicle for a great actor, and little else. Such a pity the character wasn’t brought back (McDowall himself in later interviews couldn’t recall why he never reprised the role, though it might have been due to an inability to schedule it, as he was quite busy) with a better script…

Bat-rating: 6

Keith R.A. DeCandido is the author of the new Marvel’s Tales of Asgard trilogy. Book 1, Thor: Dueling with Giants, is available now as an eBook, and you can preorder the print edition, which is due in March. You can also preorder the print edition of Book 2, Sif: Even Dragons Have Their Endings, and Keith is hard at work on Book 3, The Warriors Three: Godhood’s End.

“Death in Slow Motion” / “The Riddler’s False Notion”
Written by Dick Carr
Directed by Charles R. Rondeau
Season 1, Episodes 31 and 32
Production code 8731
Original air dates: April 27 and 28, 1966

The Bat-signal: A silent film festival at a fancy new cinema in Gotham comes to an end. As the crowd gathers in the lobby, the head of the festival thanks Mr. Van Jones, who lent the festival films from his private collection of silent pictures.

They’re interrupted by a Charlie Chaplin impersonator and a woman in a red dress who do an entire act, complete with three guys playing the Keystone Cops who chase “Chaplin” around. At one point, the Chaplin impersonator takes refuge in the box office, where he gasses the ticket taker, steals the receipts, then comes out and finishes the show, with no one the wiser.

The festival organizer assumes that Van Jones arranged this, but instead the old man is outraged that a bunch of amateur performers stole his thunder. The party breaks up, and the organizer goes to the box office, only to find the ticket taker unconscious, the money gone, and a riddle left behind: Why is a musician’s bandstand like an oven?

It is, in fact, the Riddler who was playing Chaplin, and upon realizing he’s back in business, Gordon immediately calls Batman. O’Hara, for his part, is baffled as to why the Riddler even bothered, as he only got about $200.

Robin figures out the riddle, as it depends on musician’s slang term “bread” for money: a bandstand is like an oven, because it’s where he makes his bread. That leads them—of course—to Mother Gotham’s Bakery.

Riddler is already there with his moll Pauline, the one in the red dress—now dressed in what’s supposed to be rags—and the three henchmen. Riddler reveals that they’ve been hired by Van Jones to make a new silent film, which is also a cover for his true criminal master plan. The theft of the bakery’s payroll is also, like the theft of the box office receipts, a petty crime to draw the Dynamic Duo so Riddler can film them.

Pauline starts crying crocodile tears and goes into the kitchen, begging for bread to feed her poor starving mother. She offers her tattered shawl as payment—then she tosses it over the baker’s head and then a henchman biffs him with a loaf of French bread. They go to the payroll office, where Riddler hits the guard with a pie made with whipped sleeping cream and nuts. The same pies are then used on the two accountants, and then he uses an explosive éclair to blow the safe open. They steal the payroll and then Ridder leaves a note for Batman and Robin with cake icing.

The Dynamic Duo arrive to find four unconscious employees, a blown safe, and a note on the wall: “Batman! As one baker to another—how do you make a dishonest shortcake?” The answer is with a lie-berry, a corruption of library, and there’s a Gotham City Library branch on Baker Street. They head there to see a van parked in a no-parking zone—however, the van has diplomatic plates, so Batman and Robin leave them alone. (Turns out it’s the Ridder’s van, and he’s continuing to film everything.)

Unfortunately, the Baker Street branch is closed on Wednesdays due to lack of funds. However, the lock has been tampered with, so they break and enter (they’re good guys, they can do that) and as soon as they enter, they’re clubbed on the head with a giant copy of A Pictorial History of Silent Films by Y.Y. Flurch.

Riddler heads out, while the Dynamic Duo open the weighty tome, which has two more riddles on the flyleaf: What do you find in a kitchen cabinet that is not alive? When is a new car considered to be seedy? They take the big book back to the Batcave.

In his hideout in an abandoned film studio, Riddler screens a rough cut of his film (which manages to have jump cuts and multiple angles despite having only one camera, and most of the angles are from where the camera never actually was).

In the Batcave, the Dynamic Duo and Alfred work on the riddles. Alfred points out that everything in a cabinet should not be alive—dead forks, dead knives, dead spoons, dead pots, and dead pans. They decide that the clue is deadpans, like the expressions on silent film stars, and that this will be a deadpan simple crime. Uh, sure.

They turn to the second riddle: a new car is seedy when it’s a lemon. Batman knows that Van Jones is a noted temperance advocate, and is holding a “cocktail” party in which the only drink that will be served is lemonade. But Riddler is spiking the lemonade.

The first effects of the spiked lemonade can be seen when O’Hara and Gordon get into an argument about baseball players. When Batman enters, he accidentally bumps a woman, who mouths off at him. It quickly becomes clear to Batman that everyone’s in a bad mood.

As if to prove it, the woman Batman bumped into socks another woman in the jaw, and a big fight breaks out. Batman’s response to this outbreak of violence is to—stand around and watch? Er, okay.

Outside, Robin is in the Batmobile, when he’s approached by Pauline, who’s dressed as Bo-Peep, complete with a giant crook. (Ahem.) Robin comments not at all on what she’s wearing (then again, look at what he’s wearing), and she says a man in green tights jumped her brother and kidnapped him, and also asked a question while performing this felony: when is a bonnet not a bonnet? The answer is, apparently, when it becomes a woman (er, um—what?), and she congratulates him on getting it before gassing him with the crook.

Inside, Batman finally decides to take action. He stands with his hands raised in the air and yells for everyone to stop. Amazingly, this doesn’t work at all. However, he sees Riddler’s goons filming the festivities. The goons shoot at Batman and run away. Batman radios Robin, but he’s already been captured.

We cut to Riddler’s hideout, where Robin is tied to a conveyer that sends him head-first toward a buzz saw, a trap right out of a silent melodrama. Riddler turns on the conveyer—using a control lever whose settings are “stop,” “not so fast,” “fast,” and “real fast”—to the highest setting and giggles madly. (The conveyer is moving at about one mile every five weeks on “real fast,” so I shudder to think how slow “fast” would be on that thing…)

After giving Gordon (and presumably the other partygoers) a universal antidote pill, Batman runs out of Van Jones’s mansion to find Robin’s radio, but no Robin. He’s joined by an apologetic Gordon, and after Batman takes the time to rebuke Gordon for not being careful with regards to whom he takes free lemonade from, they’re confronted with two new Riddler clues: Why is a bear like a fallen tree? Why is silk like grass? The first is lumber (a bear lumbers, a fallen tree becomes lumber), the second is a yard (how both are measured), and Batman speeds to the Gotham lumberyard.

Batman searches the lumberyard for Robin, but only finds Riddler, dressed in a top hat, cape, and big-ass mustache. Oh, and a whip, which he uses to keep Batman from using his batarang. But before Batman can engage in fisticuffs, Riddler draws his attention to Robin on the conveyer belt. Quickly, Batman dashes to the buzzsaw—but it turns out to be a mannequin. At some point, after filming Robin on the conveyer belt, he switched the Boy Wonder out with a dummy.

Riddler and his camera man escape, but Batman manages to capture Pauline and bring her to police headquarters. However, Pauline is only willing to give her first name and the name of her lawyer. Batman offers to work on her in the Batcave, and asks Gordon to come along as well, as he’d like a witness to make sure he doesn’t do anything that would bounce back on him in court. (Of course, she asked for her lawyer, which under Miranda v. Arizona, she’s entitled to. Not having her lawyer present during the interrogation after she asked for him will bounce back in court. So probably would kidnapping her and taking her to an undisclosed location, but we’ll let that go…)

Gordon is like a kid in a candy store when Batman wakes him up and shows him the Batcave. When they wake Pauline up, they both speak in slow, stentorian tones, probably in an endeavor to intimidate her. They test the truth of her answers by the quality of the air she breathes into a mask (just go with it). Pauline says she doesn’t know where Robin is, but she does know two riddle clues: Why is Flo Ziegfeld like a near-sighted man? (They both put on spectacles.) What kind of men are always above board? (Chessmen.)

Batman tests the mask, and she’s telling the truth. He gasses her and Gordon again and off they go. Given the silent-movie theme of the Riddler’s caper, he assumes the spectacles are a reference to Harold Lloyd, who wore spectacles and always had cliffhangers. There’s also a building in Gotham called the Chessman Building.

After dropping Gordon and Pauline off on a street corner for O’Hara to pick them up, Batman heads to the Chessman Building, where Robin is standing on a narrow ledge. Riddler pushes him off—but Batman throws down the Bat-rope, and Robin catches the batarang on the end with his teeth. Batman then pulls Robin up by the teeth to the roof, causing the Dynamic Duo to briefly expound on the wonders of good dental hygiene.

Riddler escapes in a helicopter, and skywrites two more riddles: What kind of machine has ears? (A train—it has engine-ears, er, rather, engineers.) Why does a cowboy wear a tight belt? (To hold up his pants, duh.) Robin deduces that Riddler plans to hold up the El Chief train, which is a famous train that movie people used to take. The Dynamic Duo head to Gotham Central Station, and alert the police to head there too, to guard El Chief.

But Riddler is across town at Van Jones’s place, dressed as a cowboy, and handing over the final print of Riddler’s silent film of Batman and Robin, the only one of its kind. Van Jones hired Riddler to create this film for a hundred thousand dollars. Van Jones loves the film, despite the lack of a soundtrack, and opens the safe to put the film in with his other collectibles. As soon as Van Jones opens the safe, Riddler pulls a gun on him and clean out the vault of all the films.

But then the Dynamic Duo shows up. They figured out the double meaning of the clues in the skywriting: The Great Train Holdup, a classic silent movie that Van Jones has the only remaining print of.

Fisticuffs ensue, and Batman and Robin are triumphant.

They get home in time for Aunt Harriet’s birthday, where they provide a surprise for her: Batman and Robin show up to wish her a happy birthday and kiss her on the cheek. Harriet is overwhelmed, and wonder if Bruce and Dick (who are meeting her at the restaurant) will ever believe it. (Har har.)

Fetch the Bat-shark-repellant! Batman has a bat-key that can apparently open any lock. Handy, that. He also uses bat-gas to render Gordon and Pauline unconscious while taking them to and from the Batcave. Once there, he uses the Truth Control Bat-Tester—an oxygen mask with a Batman logo on it—to interrogate Pauline. When Riddler escapes in a helicopter, Batman laments that they don’t have the Bat-copter with them—said item will actually be seen in the film.

While he doesn’t use it, there is a machine in the Batcave labelled “Bat-Terror Control.” I don’t even…

Holy #@!%$, Batman! Dick inexplicably says, “Holy triple feature” when Bruce informs him the Riddler is back, even though he has no idea yet that his newest crime spree is movie related. After being bashed on the head by the giant book, Robin mutters, “holy headache.” After being pulled up by the mouth, he says, “holy molars, I sure am glad I take good care of my teeth.” When the Riddler skywrites clues, Robin pulls out the old standby, “holy smoke!”

Gotham City’s finest. Gordon’s man-crush on Batman is on overdrive in “The Riddler’s False Notion,” particularly the way he geebles over the Batcave. (For some inexplicable reason, he never actually asks why Batman doesn’t, say, donate, or at least loan, some or all this useful crime-fighting equipment to the police department.)

Special Guest Villain. Back for his fourth appearance of the year, making him the most prolific villain in the season (there’s only one two-parter left after this), is Frank Gorshin as the Riddler. This is his last appearance on the series until the third season’s “Ring Around the Riddler.” Gorshin will appear in the Batman film between seasons, but his Emmy nomination for the role led to a contract dispute that wouldn’t be resolved for a year. As a result, the character only appeared once in season 2, played by John Astin.

No sex, please, we’re superheroes. Director Charles R. Rondeau makes sure to emphasize Sherry Jackson’s body as much as possible, including lots of shots that emphasize her legs and her bust. As a heterosexual male, I’m not complaining overmuch, but even by this show’s standards, it was pretty unsubtle.

Na-na na-na na-na na-na na.

“These are special pies—whipped sleeping cream and nuts.”

“Whipped sleeping cream and nuts?”

“Nuts to you!”

–Riddler’s repartee upon giving the payroll guard a pie in the face.

Trivial matters: This episode was discussed on The Batcave Podcast episode 16 by host John S. Drew with special guest chum Robert Greenberger, former DC Comics editor and author of (among many other things) The Essential Batman Encyclopedia.

This story was inspired by the comic book story “The Joker’s Comedy Caper” in Detective Comics #341 (published only a year earlier) by John Broome & Carmine Infantino. Frank Gorshin’s lengthy career doing impersonations is probably part of why the role of person-who-disguises-himself-as-Charlie-Chaplin-to-commit-a-robbery was switched to the Riddler instead of the Joker, as in the comic.

Van Jones is played by Francis X. Bushman, who was actually a major silent film star. One of his many starring roles was in The Grip of the Yukon, for which his co-star was Neil Hamilton. This was one of Bushman’s last roles before his death in August 1966.

Pauline is played by Sherry Jackson, who would appear later this calendar year as Andrea, the sexy android in “What Are Little Girls Made Of?” on Star Trek, in an outfit that was even more revealing than anything she wore in this two-parter, which is saying something. Her character’s name is a play on The Perils of Pauline silent movie serial.

The Great Train Holdup is a play on the classic film The Great Train Robbery. Pauline’s lawyer is Oliver Wendell, a play on Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr., who served on the Supreme Court from 1902-1932.

Overt references are made to silent film stars Charlie Chaplin (Riddler’s impersonation) and Harold Lloyd (the method of Robin’s “cliffhanger”), as well as impresario Flo Ziegfeld, who put on “The Ziegfeld Follies” revue.

Gordon and O’Hara argue over whether or not Maury Wills, who was the shortstop for the Los Angeles Dodgers at the time the show was airing, was better than Honus Wagner, who was the Hall of Fame shortstop for the Pittsburgh Pirates from 1900-1917 and was generally considered one of the three or four best shortstops in baseball history. To be blunt, the notion that Wills was better than Wagner is hilariously absurd, as Wagner was one of the best all-around players of his era, and Wills was a decent shortstop who happened to steal a lot of bases. Gordon’s declaration that O’Hara was an oaf was accurate under the circumstances…

Gordon mentions that people have been known to enter the Batcave and never come out, which is probably a reference to a previous moll of the Riddler’s, Molly in “Smack in the Middle,” whom Batman also brought to the Batcave to interrogate, but who died when she fell into the atomic pile.

Pow! Biff! Zowie! “Rolling, Riddler baby!” This is one of those episodes of Batman that dances on the edge between hilarious and ridiculous, and I can’t make up my mind whether or not I like it.

Part of that is because there’s really only one reason why this episode exists: it’s here to showcase Frank Gorshin’s comedic talent. By this time, they realized what gold they had in Gorshin’s abilities, and this episode is specifically designed to make use of his talents as an impressionist. His Charlie Chaplin at the top of “Death in Slow Motion” is particularly entertaining.

But beyond that, the script is kind of a mess. They do a classic silent-movie cliffhanger with Robin on the buzzsaw conveyer, but then blow it with the resolution by having it be a dummy. (Why????) The Riddler revealing that Van Jones is financing the movie early in “Death in Slow Motion” takes the wind out of the sails of the story, spoiling what could have been a very effective twist when Riddler delivers the film to Van Jones in “The Riddler’s False Notion.” And even by this show’s standards of ridiculous rescues, having Robin catch the batarang in his teeth to stop his fall—when he’s just fallen off a ledge and is accelerating at 9.8 meters per second squared toward the ground—just cuts off the air supply to my disbelief.

Then there’s the hilarious cognitive dissonance of Batman refusing to allow Pauline to talk to her lawyer, as is her legal right—and in case we forget it’s her legal right, O’Hara reminds us that it is—so he can conduct an interrogation of her in the Batcave, but insists on Gordon coming along so nothing will blow back on him in court. Yeah, good luck with that.

Having said all that, every Riddler episode Gorshin appears in is worth watching because Gorshin’s in it, even if this one is a lot more self-indulgent than the others.

One amusing thing: the lengthy Charlie Chaplin/Keystone Kops opener meant that they had to trim the sequence where Gordon activates the Bat-phone, Alfred finds Bruce and Dick, they lie to Aunt Harriet, they talk to Gordon, they slide down the poles, they get into the car, they drive off, the car goes down the road, and they pull in front of GCPD HQ and run upstairs. In this case, Bruce and Dick are already in the library so they answer the phone themselves, the conversation with Gordon is truncated, and they cut straight from driving past the “GOTHAM CITY 14 MILES” sign to their arrival at police HQ. It actually shows how much that sequence is, well, redundant filler, and I was perfectly happy to lose all that unnecessary nonsense so I could watch Gorshin do Chaplin.

Bat-rating: 5

Keith R.A. DeCandido‘s latest work of fiction is “Streets of Fire” in the anthology V-Wars: Night Terrors, the third volume in the shared-world vampire series created and edited by Jonathan Maberry and published in print by IDW and audio by Blackstone.